元稹 Yuan Zhen: 菊花 Chrysanthemum Flowers

POSTSCRIPT (25.2.21):  On further consideration, I would like to have "like Tao Qian's" in the middle of line 1 reverted to "like Tao Qian".  The post is accordingly amended.

ORIGINAL POST:  Here is yet another rendition not posted on this blog.  It was posted on the HK Economic Journal's "Forum" website on 2 October 2010.  I have only made a few slight amendments.  In line 1, "like Tao Qian" now read "like Tao Qian's", and in line 3, "my dear chrysanthemum" now read "O dear Chrysanthemum".  I do hope you like it.

Yuan Zhen (779-831): Chrysanthemum Flowers

 1      Around my cottage, like Tao Qian, autumn flowers I grow,

2      Along the hedges I amble, till the slanting sun sinks low.

3      Of flowers, O dear Chrysanthemum, not that I love you best,

4  Just that once you are gone, there is no other flower to follow.

 Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發

12^th May 2010 (revised 13.5.10; 14.5.10; 15.5.10; 9.9.10; 24.2.21)

Translated from the original - 元稹: 菊花

 

1      秋叢繞舍似陶家

2      遍繞籬邊日漸斜

3      不是花中偏愛菊

4      此花開盡更無花

 

Notes:

*This English rendition is in hexameter (6 feet) while the original is in 7-character line. The rhyme scheme is AAxA as in the original.

*Lines 1 and 2:  I am grateful to Xu Yuanchong (XYZ) for the rhyme of “grow-low” in his translation of the same poem entitled “Chrysanthemums” on p. 471 of his “Bilingual Edition 300 Tang Poems”, Beijing: Higher Education Press, 2000.

*Line 1:  Tao is the 晉 Jin Dynasty poet Tao Yuanming 陶淵明 or Tao Qian 陶潛 (365-427) who, in recluse, loved the chrysanthemum.  I have translated 陶家 as “Tao Qian” to pave the way to end the line with the rhyme word “grow”.  I have chosen not to translate 叢 as “bushes/plants” but as “flowers” which chrysanthemums are.

*Lines 3 and 4:  I have changed the third person “chrysanthemum” in the original to the second person in this English rendition which, I hope, makes it much more personal as if the poet is addressing this flowering plant.

*Line 3:  I had considered “not that I love/favour you most” and “not that on you I dote”, and have decided for “not that I love you best”.

*Line 4:  I had considered “Once past your prime, you’re gone”, “Once past your prime and gone”, “Once time is up, you’re gone”, “Once your prime is spent”, “Just that once you’re spent”, “Just that you once gone” and “Only once you’re gone”, but have decided for “Just that once you are gone”.  I had considered the stronger rhyme “blow” (e.g., “no other flower will blow”), but have decided for the weaker “follow” so as to end the line (and the poem) on a falling tune suggestive of a passive acceptance of nature.  I have chosen “follow” also for its ambiguity.  In this context, “follow”, which can mean either and both of (a) no flowers to come after (follow) in sequence of time or 無花再開, and (b) no flowers to go after (follow) as an admirer or 再無花可賞.  The word “follow” aptly translates 再無花.

金昌緒 Jin Changxu : 春怨 A Springtime Plaint

Here is yet another rendition of mine which I had forgotten to post here on the Classical Chinese Poems in English blog.  (It was posted on the Hong Kong Economic Journal's Forum web on 22 July 2011.)

  

I am sure you will at once notice I have added quite a lot of words which are not in the original.  I have done that for various purposes.  For rhyme: I have added "I say" in line 1, "all day" in line 2, "a long way away" in line 4.  For metre (the 5 feet or beats pentameter): I have added all of the above, plus "willow" in line 2, "I fear" and "abrupt" in line 3, and "my man, in" in line 4.  At least some of these additions elucidate the meaning of the line concerned, e.g., line 5's "cannot reach Liaoxi" 不得到遼西    must  have   meant to meet the female persona's lover, hence, "Reach not my man, in Liaoxi ..." in my rendition.  I hope you will find the other additions equally elucidating.  

This is a pretty little poem.  Please enjoy reading it out loud. 

 

Jin Changxu (800’s): A Springtime Plaint

1      O shoo away those yellow birds, I say,

2      Not to trill on the willow twigs all day.

3      Their trills will, I fear, my dream disrupt abrupt,

4      Reach not my man, in Liaoxi, a long way away.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發

10^th November 2009 (revised 12.11.09; 16.11.09; 23.11.09; 26.11.09; 27.11.09; 12.1.10; 2.6.10; 19.7.11; 22.9.11)

Translated from the original - 金昌緒: 春怨

1      打起黃鶯兒

2      莫教枝上啼

3      啼時驚妾夢

4      不得到遼西

Notes:

*  This English rendition is in pentameter (5 feet or beats) while the original is in 5-character lines.  The rhyme scheme is AAxA while the original is xAxA.

*  Line 1:  打起 mean chase away.  I have decided for “shoo away” after consideration “flush away”.  For 黃鶯兒, I have chosen “yellow birds” instead of “golden orioles” as these birds are the cause of the complaint and should be shorn of beauty.  I have interpreted the line to be an instruction to her maids or servants, hence, I have added “I say” (or “I pray” if more genteel, neither in the original) to end the line.  This is done to make line 1 also rhyme (originally not rhymed).

*  Line 2:  For 啼, I had considered “twitter” and “chirp” but have decided for “trill” as this is how orioles sing.  I have added “willow” to echo “Springtime” in the title (willows, by convention, indicate spring).  I have also added “all day” to make clear my interpretation that the persona’s wish is to doze off or take a nap during daytime to dream of her man (= husband).

*  Line 3:  The word妾 should not be literally translated as “concubine”; its correct meaning is “first person feminine”, i.e., “I” or “my” in the feminine gender.  This is how a woman refers to herself.  In the context of this poem, the persona is most likely the wife, although she can be a “concubine” or just a “lover”, hence, the addition of “my man” instead of “my husband” in line 4.

*  Line 4:  For 不得到 (cannot reach …), I have decided for “Reach not my man” with the addition of “my man”, after considering “See not …” and “Meet not …”.  遼西 which means “West Liao” (the western part of Liao) is transliterated as “Liaoxi”.  This has nothing to do with the idea of “west” in most frontier poem, Liaoxi being the north, north-eastern frontier.  I had originally translated it as “at the frontier” but have decided for the transliteration.  I had originally added “far away” to close the poem, but have now decided for “a long way away”.

 

趙嘏 Zhao Jia: 舊感 Nostalgia/ 江樓有感 Brook Tower Nostalgia

Here is a quatrains by Zhao Jia 趙嘏 which I translated some 12 years ago.  It had never been posted/ published anywhere.  

The original is a 7-character quatrain with a caesura (pause) after the fourth character.  This English rendition is in hexameter (6 feet or beats) with a caesura (pause) in the middle (i.e. after the third foot or beat).

This is a poem about friendship expressed in a most subdued and subtle manner.  Here the poem goes:

Zhao Jia (806-875):  Nostalgia/ Brook Tower Nostalgia

1      Alone, I ascend the Brook Tower,  to afar my sentiments fly.

2      The moon still shines on the water,  the water mirrors the sky.

3      (O where tonight is my friend, together the moon we embraced?)

     O where tonight is my fellow with whom the moon we embraced? (revised 23.2.21) 

4      Same but paled is the scenery, to the scene of the year gone by.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者:  黄宏發

12^th November 2008 (revised 14.11.08; 17.11.08; 18.11.08)  

Translated from the original - 趙嘏:  舊感/ 江樓有感

1      獨上江樓思渺然

2      月光如水水如天

3      同來望月人何處

4      風景依稀似去年

Notes:

*  The original is in 7-character lines.  This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet).  The rhyme scheme is AAxA as in the original.

*  Line 1:  There is a 悄然 “silently or sadly” version of line 1.  I prefer the 渺然 “afar” version as the poem is a subtle one with sadness pervading, without it ever mentioned.

*  Line 2:  The word 如 (like) should be taken to mean 往 or 赴 (to go to) as in 如廁 (to go to the toilet).  I have, therefore, abandoned possible lines such as “The moonlight is like the water, the water like the sky”.  The line is rendered as “The moon still shines on the water, the water mirrors the sky”, with the word “still” added to show the poet is reflecting on the past.

*  Line 3:  The word “tonight”, which is not in the original but can be reasonably inferred, is added for clarity and for the extra foot needed to complete the 6-beat line.  For 望 (gaze at, behold) I had considered “we gazed” but have decided for “we embraced” to paint a picture of "we embracing the moon" and "the moon embracing us"..

*  Line 4:  “Same but paled … to the scene of …” is not a precise translation of 依稀 (vaguely) 似 (similar), but I find it much more poetic than lines such as “Faintly/ Vaguely/ Hazily similar … to that of …”  In my rendition, I have also played on the difference between “scenery” which is 景 and ”scene” which includes both 景 (scenery) and 情 (sentiments).

王建 Wang Jian: 十五夜望月/ 寄杜郎中 Beholding the Moon on the Night of the Fifteenth/ Sent to Secretary Du

Here is yet another poem I translated years ago, posted on the HKEJ 信報 website on 17 September 2010 but never posted here on blogspot. I have now somewhat polished it. Here we go: 

Wang Jian (766?-830?): Beholding the Moon on the Night of the Fifteenth/ Sent to Secretary Du

 

1 The ground in mid-yard whitens, tree boughs, crows embower, 

2 Dewdrops stealthily gather, dampening the osmanthus flower. 

3 Tonight, the moon shines bright, for one and for all to behold, yet 

4 I know not my autumn feelings are shared in who else’s bower.

 

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發 

24th March 2009 (revised 25.3.09; 26.3.09; 3.4.09; 8.6.09; 10.6.09; 19.6.09; 9. 9.10; 3.11.2020)

Translated from the original - 王建: 十五夜望月/ 寄杜郎中 

1 中庭地白樹棲鴉 

2 冷露無聲濕桂花 

3 今夜月明人盡望 

4 不知秋思落誰家 

Notes: 

* The original is in 7-character lines. This English rendition is in hexameter (6 feet or beats). The rhyme scheme is AAxA as in the original. * Title and Line 4: The Mid-Autumn Festival falls on the 15th of the 8th lunar month on which night the moon is the fullest, brightest. This has been taken to symbolize: (a) full union for those who are together which calls for celebration, and (b) yearning for reunion for those who are apart. This, I hope, explains the “autumn feelings” in line 4. 

* Line 1: I have coined “mid-yard” to translate 中庭 in line with common usage of “backyard”, “back yard”, “rear yard”, “front yard”, etc. 

* Line 2: I have chosen “stealthily” over the literal “silently”. I have dropped the word 冷 in the translation because “dew” is by nature “cold” and because expressions like “cold dew” or “cool dew” sound odd. I have added the word “gather”, which implies that the night is getting cooler or colder, to partially compensate for the loss of the word “cold”. I had used “moisten” but have now decided for the harder and colder word “dampen”. I think “osmanthus” is the correct name for 桂花 and not “cassia” which is 桂皮.

 

* Lines 3 and 4: I have changed the expression “for one and all” which means “all” or “everyone” into “for one and for all” to quicken the pace of the line and to subtly (less than subtle would be “for me and for all”) pave the way to my interpreting line 4 not as a simple question of “whose” but as “who else’s”, i.e. in addition to the poet’s family reunion sentiments. I had originally used “Who knows” to translate 不知 in line 4, but have now decided to use the literal “I know not”. For 秋思, I had used “autumn yearnings/ sentiments” but have now decided for “autumn feelings”. For 落, I had considered “fall ”, “descend” and even “shower” (which rhymes with “bower” but, unfortunately, it seldom rains in autumn), and have decided to render it as “are shared in”.

張泌 Zhang Bi: 寄人 To Someone

Here is yet another old rendition of mine not posted on this blog.  (It was first posted in the "Forum" website of the "Hong Kong Economic Journal" 信報網站 on 8 October 2010.) Here we go:

Zhang Bi (Tang Dynasty, years unknown): To Someone

 

1      Departed, I return in dream, to linger at your house once more ---

2      Turning, merging, zigzagging: that same balustrade corridor.

3      O none but the moon so loving, o’er the autumn courtyard shines,

4      Still shines for me, the absentee, on the flowers lie fallen a-floor.

 

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)  譯者:黃宏發

19^th April 2010 (revised 20.4.10; 21.4.10; 22.4.10; 16.9.10; polished 22.9.2020)

Translated from the original - 張泌: 寄人

 

1      別夢依依到謝家

2      小廊迴合曲闌斜

3      多情只有秋庭月

4      猶為離人照落花

 

Notes:

*  Form, Metre and Rhyme:  This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original quatrain is in 7-character lines.  The rhyme scheme is AAxA as in the original.

*  Line 1:  I have taken 依依 to mean 依依不舍 which means reluctant, cannot bear to be separated and have used “return … to linger at (after considering “to cling to”) … once more” to convey this meaning.  謝家 (Xie house) refers to the abode of the addressee’s family and is rendered simply as “in your house”.  It may be of interest to note that 謝 (Xie) could have been used by the poet to allude to the high and mighty Xie family of the Eastern Jin (東晉) dynasty (317-420) to suggest it was the lady’s powerful and rich family (with Xie to stand for high social standing) and not the lady herself who rejected the poet’s marriage proposal.  In my view, this poem as a whole should be taken as a lament of love unrequited for whatever cause, and not of the evil of 門當户對 (well-matched in social status) marriages which is only obliquely alluded to in the one single word Xie.  I believe my decision to omit this possible allusion is entirely reasonable.

*  Line 2:  I have taken 小廊 (little corridor) and 闌 (railing) to mean a covered passageway with railings connecting the buildings and/or the gardens and grounds, hence, rendered as “that same balustrade corridor”.  I have taken the remaining 4 characters: 迴 (go round, turn) 合 (join, merge) 曲 (crooked, angular) and 斜 (slant), to refer to a zigzag or crisscross pattern advancing diagonally and have decided for “Turning, merging, zigzagging” after considering “Parting, joining, zigzagging” and “Diverging, merging, crisscrossing”.

*  Line 3:  多情 is not taken to mean amorous, but caring, full of love, etc., hence, rendered as “in empathy”.

*  Line 4:  For 落花, I had considered “flowers strewn/ scattered” and have decided for “flowers lie fallen”.  I have coined the word “a-floor” to mean on the ground or floor, which is added for the ‘-or’ end rhyme. 

岑参 Cen Shen: 磧中作 Written in the Desert

Here is another old rendition of mine which had not been posted on this blog.  (It was posted on the "Forum" website of the "Hong Kong Economic Journal" 信報論壇 on 25 February 2011.)  This is Cen Shen's "Written in the Desert" which, in plain and simple language, gives one a picture of the west as sky-high (line 1), as 2 months' distance away (line 2), as resting in tents if not the open air (line 3), and as a vast, uninhabited desert.  Here we go: 

Cen Shen (715-770): Written in the Desert

1      To the west I’ve come on horseback, to this a sky-high terrene;

2      E’er since I left my homestead, the moon, twice full, has been.

3      I know not where, tonight, shall we camp and rest for the night;

4      ‘Tis a land of sands so boundless, no human dwellings be seen.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)  譯者: 黄宏發

21 January 2009 (revised 22.1.09; 23.1.09; 18.2.09; 23.2.11; 11.6.12; 27.3.13; polished 10.9.2020)

Translated from the original - 岑参: 磧中作

1      走馬西來欲到天

2      辭家見月兩回圓

3      今夜未知何處宿

4      平沙萬里絕人煙

  Notes:

*  The original is a quatrain in 7-character lines.  This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet).  The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.  The English rhyme of “terrene”, “been” and “seen” is fortuitously close to the Putonghua pronunciation of the Chinese rhyme of 天, 圓 and 煙.

*  Line 1:  I have added “terrene” 地 not just for the rhyme, but also to meet common sense. I had originally penned “to find this/a sky-high terrene”.  But the word 欲, in this context, does not mean “wish to” but “about to”, e.g. 搖搖欲墜 “so precarious that it is about to fall”, hence, 欲到天 actually means “to reach a land which is about to reach the sky” or simply “sky-high” .

*  Line 2:  To begin the line, I had considered “From when”, “Since when” and “O since” but have now decided for “E’er since”.  For the word見, please note 見 (see) and 現 (appear) have the same root in Chinese and are often used rather interchangeably.  Although the original line reads 見月 “I’ve seen the moon” and not 月見 “the moon has appeared”, I have changed the literally correct “I’ve seen” to “has been” meaning “has appeared”, for not wishing to repeat “seen” which I need to end line 4. 

*  Line 3:  I have used two words “camp” and “rest” to translate 宿 in order to complete the hexameter and to make clear in the English rendition the fact that the poet was on an army expedition to the west.

*  Line 4:   The word “sands” (in plural) here means “sandy or desert wastes” (Shorter Oxford).  I have used “boundless” to translate the hyperbole 萬里 “10,000 li (or 3,000 miles)”.  I had originally used “sign” or “trace” to loosely translate 煙 (literally “smoke”, but in this context, smoke from cooking and/or heating in human homes), but have now come to consider these 2 words inferior to “homes” or “dwellings”.  Instead of “no sign/ trace of man be seen”, 無人煙 is now rendered as “no human dwellings be seen”.     

王維 Wang Wei: 渭城曲/ 送元二使安西 Song of Weicheng/ Farewell to Yuan Er on His Mission to Anxi

Here is another Wang Wei quatrain which I had translated a long time ago (2009) and which has not been posted here.  It was posted on the "forum" website of the "Hong Kong Economic Journal" 信報論壇 on 15 April 2011.  I hope you will enjoy it.  Here we go:

Wang Wei (701-761):  Song of Weicheng/ Farewell to Yuan Er on His Mission to Anxi 

1      Morning mizzles in Weicheng, its dusty air cleansed clean;

2      Green, O green is the tavern, in the willows’ new-born sheen.

3      To wine, my friend, I urge you: one further cup to drain,

4      For west beyond the Yang Pass, no friends of yore be seen.

 

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)  譯者: 黃宏發

27^th February 2009 (revised 3.3.09; 4.3.09; 5.3.09; 10.3.09)

Translated from the original - 王維: 渭城曲/ 送元二使安西

 

1      渭城朝雨浥輕塵

2      客舍青青柳色新

3      勸君更盡一杯酒

4      西出陽關無故人

 

Notes:

 *  This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) whilst the original poem is in 7-character lines.  The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original (perfect, if read in Cantonese).

 *  Line 1:  I had considered “Morning showers/ drizzles/ rain” but have now chosen “Morning mizzles” for the ‘m’ alliteration.  I have interpreted 輕塵 (light dusts) as dusts in the air (rather than on the ground) and have rendered it as “dusty air” after considering “dustiness”.  I hope this creates an image of “dusts in the air cleansed, hence, air fresh and clean” which cannot be achieved by such faithful words as “light dusts”.  The choice of the word “cleansed” is for its ‘k=c’ alliteration with “clean”. Other words considered include “wetted”, “washed”, “rinsed”, and “moistened”.

 *  Line 2:  For the rhyme, “sheen” might be the best word, lest we may have to live with the word “green” to translate 柳色 (willow colour) to end the line.

 *  Line 3:  I had originally used “Of wine” but have now decided for “To wine”.  For the word 盡 I have decided for “drain” after considering “drink”, “imbibe” and “empty”, and have interpreted 更盡一杯 not to literally mean “you again drain one cup” or “you drain one more cup”, but to mean “you and I, a further cup let us drain” which is more appropriate for the moment of separation.  I had considered “round” instead of “cup” but have decided against “round” for being too colloquial.

 *  Line 4:  I had originally used “westward” but have now decided for “west” for its simplicity.  

王維 Wang Wei: 相思 Mutual Yearning

Today, I am posting my rendition of Wang Wei's beautiful little quatrain "Mutual Yearning" which I completed years ago in 2008, but never posted.  I hope you will enjoy it.  Here we go:

Wang Wei (701-761): Mutual Yearning

1            There grow in the south country: jequirity trees;  

2            O how they shoot and sprout, O when comes spring!

3            I pray you pick and pluck, the more, their red beans,

4            A stuff which best intimates our mutual yearning.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者:黃宏發

10 July 2008 (revised 12.7.08; 16.7.08; 19.7.08)

Translated from the original - 王維: 相思

1            紅豆生南國

2            春(秋)來發幾枝

3            願(勸)君多釆(採)擷

4            此物最相思

Notes:

*    This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) to emulate the original 5-character lines.  The rhyme scheme is XAXA as in the original.

*    Title and line 4:  It is hard to translate相思 but I think “mutual yearning” or “mutual longing” best approximates it.  I had earlier considered using words such as “reciprocal”, “reciprocating”, “reciprocated”, “requited”, “two-way”, and “likewise”, but have decided that “mutual yearning” is best.

*    Lines 1 and 3:  I had considered using “red bean trees” for紅豆in line 1 but have decided to use the proper name “jequirity trees” because the poem refers to the ornamental red jequirity beans and not the edible red beans.  I have somehow covered the image of “red beans” in line 3 as the line, as written, requires an object, and as the “stuff”, as subject, in line 4 requires a clear and proximate reference to “red beans’.  It is not clear if多 in line 3 should mean “more beans” or “more often”.  I prefer the latter as the poet, obviously, is not asking his friend/ lover to harvest in bulk the ornamental red jequirity beans.  I could have accordingly rendered it as “… pick and pluck, more often, their red beans”, but have finally decided for “… pick and pluck, the more, their red beans” which, though more inclined towards “more beans”, is ambiguous enough to also cover “more often”.

*    Line 2:  I had considered “O how their shoots sprout” but have decided for “O how they shoot and sprout” which sounds far better.

*    Line 4:  The word “intimates” here means hints, indirectly indicates, implies, suggests, etc. which word subtly intimates an intimacy between the poet and the person being addressed to.

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 鷓鴣天 Zhe Gu Tian -- 寂寞 Solitude

Today, I am posting my rendition of Li Qingzhao's tune lyric poem Zhe Gu Tian (Partridge Sky) -- Solitude as promised in my conversation with my learned friend Ray Heaton in the Comments section of my February 2020 post on Li's other tune lyric poem entitled Dian Jiang Chun -- Naivette.  For the full conservation, please go to the post.  It was indeed very kind of him to have given me a lead by sharing with me and all bloggers his rendition.  Here is Ray Heaton's rendition copied from his comment:

While awaiting your translation in the coming months Andrew, I though(t) I'd share mine....

鷓鴣天 Partridge/Sky

寒日蕭蕭上瑣窗* Cold/sun/dreary/dreary/up/patterned window
梧桐應恨夜來霜 Wutong/must/hate/night/arrive/frost
酒闌更喜團茶苦 Wine/finished/more/enjoy/tea-cake/bitter,
夢斷偏宜瑞腦香 Dream/broken/prefer/should/incense/fragrance
秋已盡 日猶長 Autumn/already/finished/days/still/long
仲宣懷遠更淒涼 Zhong Xuan/yearn for/distant/more/desolate/disheartened
不如隨分尊前醉  Not/surpass/as I please/casually/wine goblet/before/intoxicated,
莫負東籬菊蕊黃 Not/betray/east/fence/chrysanthemum/buds/yellow

Interpreted in my version as:

Untitled

Drearily,  a wintry sun climbed the lattice window,
Overnight, the hoar frost disturbed the wutong tree.
Wine now finished, enjoying the bitterness of tea
My dreams broken, favouring the aroma of incense.

Autumn now gone, days yet long.
His longing for home made Zhong** so dispirited,
But why should I not drink to distraction,
Admiring the yellow flowers at the eastern hedge***?

This is a beautiful rendition in a format of 8-8/8-8// 3-3-8/8-8 words.  The only problem is "to distraction" does not at all translate 隨分, which, in fact, is the most difficult part of the poem.  I hope I have succeeded in tackling it.  Here goes my rendition:

Li Qingzhao (1084-1157):  Zhe Gu Tian (Partridge Sky) – Solitude    

1   A shivering sun in whistling winds, approaching my latticed window,

2   The phoenix tree should have hated, last night came frosts untold.

3   Wining till late, the more I savour --- the bitter taste of block tea,

4   My dreams broken, yet solace I find --- in the fragrant incense borneol.

5   Autumn, now spent and gone,

6   O the day, still long and slow.

7   The more nostalgic that poet of old, the graver his sorrowful woe.

8   I’d rather resign to my fateful lot, and imbibe before the bottle,   

9   Not to miss, at the eastside hedge, the chrysanthemum’s heart of gold.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發

20 May 2020 (revised 23.5.20; 26.5.20; 28.5.20; 29.5.20)

Translated from the original - 李清照:  鷓鴣天 -- 寂寞

1   寒日蕭蕭上瑣窗    

2   梧桐應恨夜來霜    

3   酒闌更喜團茶苦    

4   夢斷偏宜瑞腦香    

5   秋已盡    

6   日猶長    

7   仲宣懷遠更淒涼    

8   不如隨分尊前醉    

9   莫負東籬菊蕊黃    

Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a tune lyric poem or ‘ci’ 詞 to the tune of Zhe Gu Tian鷓鴣天 (Partridge Sky) entitled 寂寞 “Solitude”, which is in two stanzas (4 lines, then 5) totalling 55 characters (= single syllable words), with a line length pattern of 7-7/ 7-7// 3-3-7/ 7-7.  This English rendition follows the same line length pattern, but counting feet or beats (not words, nor syllables) for the length of lines.  The 7-character (syllable) lines are rendered in heptameter (7 feet or beats) with a caesura (pause) after the fourth foot or beat, and the 3-character lines in trimeter (3 feet or beats) with a slight pause after the first beat but, strictly, without any caesura.  This English rendition also strictly follows the rhyme scheme of the original, which is a single rhyme for 6 of the 9 lines, viz: AA/ xA// xAA/ xA//.  Unable to find perfect rhyme words, I have used the “ou” assonance of “window (1)”, “cold (2)”, “borneol (4)”, “slow (6)”, “woe (7)” and “gold (9)” for rhyme.  Though less than perfect, I hope this will somehow and somewhat retain the true beauty of the original.

*Line 1:  寒日 is rendered as “A shivering sun” after considering “… frigid …”  蕭蕭 (pronounced “xiao xiao”) is taken to be onomatopoeic of the sound of winds and is rendered as “in whistling winds” (after considering “in wintry winds”) with the “wh/ w” alliteration and the “i” assonance to emulate the reduplication of 蕭.  上 (up) is rendered as “approaching” after considering “comes/ climbs/ creeps up”, and  瑣窗 translated literally as “my latticed window”.

*Line 2:  梧桐 (“wutong” tree) is rendered as “The phoenix tree”, as I had done in my rendition of 李煜 Li Yu’s 相見歡 “Xian Jian Huan” [*無言獨上西樓 Alone, in silence …] posted September 2012, on the basis of the legendary claim that phoenixes rest on wutong trees only.  應恨 is translated literally as “should have hated”.  I suggest reading “should” stressed to make a 4-beat half line.  夜 (night) 來 (came) 霜 (frost) is rendered as “last night came frosts untold” with “untold” (= a lot or innumerable, implied in the context) added for the “ou” assonance rhyme.

*Line 3:  酒闌 is translated literally as “Wining till late”, 更喜 also literally as “the more I savour”.  團 (round) 茶 (tea) is defined in 辭源 as 以圓模製成的茶塊 “blocks of tea made in a round mold …” (my translation)  On “compressed tea”, Wikipedia says they are “blocks of whole or finely ground … tea … leaves that have been packed in molds and pressed into block form … called tea bricks, tea cakes or tea lumps … according to the shape and size …” Therefore, I have rendered it generically as “block tea” (rather than “compressed tea”) to denote it is a tea which comes in block form which must have been compressed.  I had considered and rejected “brick/ bricked tea” (wrong size and shape) and “cake/ caked tea” (right size and shape; but could be mistaken to refer to a piece of cake to go with tea).  I had similarly rejected others such as “packed tea” (packaged) and “pressed tea” (a way of brewing tea).  The last word 苦 is literally translated as “the bitter taste of”.

*Line 4:   夢 (dream) 斷 (severed) is rendered as “My dreams broken” which widens the coverage to the poet’s lot in life, after considering and rejecting “My dream disrupted” which covers only that one night.  偏 (partial) 宜 (suitable) is rendered as “yet solace I find”.  瑞腦 (borneol) 香 (fragrance or incense) is translated literally as “in the fragrant incense borneol”.

*Line 5:  秋已盡 is translated literally as “Autumn, now spent and gone” with “now” added to make it a better sounding 3-beat line.

*Line 6:  日猶長 is rendered as “O the day, still long and slow” with “and slow” (which is implied in the context) added for the “ou” assonance rhyme.

*Line 7:  仲宣 (pronounced “Zhongxuan”) is the style name (= 字 the formal assumed name) of 王粲 Wang Can, one of 建安七子 the “Seven Great Literati of the Jian’an Period” (190-220) in the reign of the last Emperor of 東漢the East Han dynasty just before 三國時代 the Three Kingdoms Period.  Here, that poet’s name or style name is not transliterated but simply rendered as “that poet of old”.  懷 (yearning for) 遠 (distant past and/or home) is rendered as “nostalgic”.  更 (more) 淒涼 (miserable) is rendered as “the more … the graver his sorrowful  woe”, after considering “… his miserable woe” and “… his misery, his woe”.

*Line 8:  不 (not) 如 (equal) is rendered as ”I’d rather” after considering “I’d better”, “Rather” and “Better”.  隨 (follow) is rendered as “resign to” after considering “be resigned/ pliant to”, “submit/ yield to”, “bear/ accord with”, and “follow/ embrace/ suffer/ endure”.  分 (fate or lot) is rendered as “my fateful lot” after considering “my fate, my lot”.  尊 (= 樽bottle or flagon) 前 (in front) 醉 (taken to mean drink, not drunk) is rendered as “to imbibe before the bottle” after considering “to drink/ be drunk before the bottle”.  Please note the word “rather” in this line (with the associated idea of “than”) refers to line 7 and not line 9,  to mean “Rather than being  nostalgic and woeful like the poet of old (line 7), I would rather be resigned to my lot in life, to drink wine (the rest of line 8) in the company of blooming chrysanthemum flowers at the eastside hedge (line 9)”.

*Line 9:  莫 (not) 負 (fail) is translated literally as “Not to miss” after considering and rejecting “Than to miss”, as explained in the note above.  東 (east) 籬 (fence) is translated as “at the eastside hedge”.  菊 (chrysanthemum) 蕊 (heart of flower, to stand for flower) 黃 (yellow)  is rendered as “the chrysanthemum’s heart of gold” with “chrysanthemum’s” to translate 菊, “heart” to translate 蕊, “of gold” to translate 黄, and the expression “heart of gold” to portray the goodness, kindness (and beauty?) of the yellow chrysanthemum flowers.  

*Lines 8 and 9:  These 2 lines allude to the 20 poems entitled 飲酒 “Drinking Wine” by the 晉 Jin Dynasty poet陶潛 Tao Qian (circa 365-427) (字 渊明 style name Yuanming).  These 20 poems are about Tao Yuanming’s life in seclusion.  Lines 5 and 6 of poem Number 5 reads as follows: 釆菊東籬下/ 悠然見南山 “I pick chrysanthemums beneath the eastside hedge/ In peace, at ease the south mountain appears.” (my draft translation).  Chrysanthemum flowers, eastside hedge and wine drinking also appear in another tune lyric poem by Li Qingzhao.  Please see my June 2019 post of her 醉花陰 -- 重九 “Zui Hua Yin – Ninth of the Ninth”, lines 6 and 7 of which reads 東籬把酒黃昏後/ 有暗香盈袖 “Aft dusk, at the eastside ‘santhemum hedge: to our health, a cup I take,/ And up my sleeves, a faint sweet scent pervades.” (my translation).  The eastside hedge is where chrysanthemums are admired and where wine is consumed, in a life in solitude.