Of the recently reported 10 most popular Tang dynasty poems selected in Hong Kong, I found I had already translated 9 (all being quatrains), but only 8 had been posted here on this blog.
I had mistakenly thought my rendition of this most famous "Stork Tower" quatrain by Wang Zhihuan which I penned some 10 years ago when I first picked up this hobby, must have been posted long ago. My apologies!
I hasten to polish my original rendition and have it posted. "There, up the steps one goes!" Here we go!
[Added: 11.10.17] But indeed, haste makes waste. I have decided to revert to my original rendition of line 4 as "A floor, or more, oh, upstairs there one goes!" Here we go:-
[Added: 11.10.17] But indeed, haste makes waste. I have decided to revert to my original rendition of line 4 as "A floor, or more, oh, upstairs there one goes!" Here we go:-
Wang Zhihuan (688-742): Ascending the Stork Tower
1 (Over the mountains,
the white sun daily sets;)
(Over the mountains, daily the white sun sets; (revised 11.10.17)
Over the mountains, the white sun daily sets, (revised 30.10.17)
(Over the mountains, daily the white sun sets; (revised 11.10.17)
Over the mountains, the white sun daily sets, (revised 30.10.17)
2 (And into the ocean,
the Yellow River flows,)
And into the ocean, the Yellow River flows.(revised 11.10.17)
And into the ocean, the Yellow River flows.(revised 11.10.17)
3 (Wishing to eye a thousand miles of sights---)
Wishing to eye: the view of a thousand miles, (revised 11.10.17)
Wishing to eye: the view of a thousand miles, (revised 11.10.17)
4 (A floor and more, there up the steps one goes.)
(A floor, or more: oh, upstairs there one goes.) (revised 11.10.17)
(A floor and more: oh, up the stairs one goes.) (revised 30.10.17)
(A floor, or more: oh, upstairs there one goes.) (revised 11.10.17)
(A floor and more: oh, up the stairs one goes.) (revised 30.10.17)
A floor, a floor more, up the stairs one goes. (revised 5.11.17)
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
4th August 2007 (revised 3.9.07; 5.12.07; 26.2.08; 25.6.08;
polished 3.10.2017; 6.10.17; 11.10.17; 30.10.17)
Translated from the original- 王之渙: 登鸛雀樓
1 白日依山盡
2 黃河入海流
3 欲窮千里目
4 更上一層樓
Notes:-
*Form, Metre and Rhyme: The
original is a 5-character quatrain which is made up of 2 perfectly parallel
couplets. This English rendition is in
pentameter (5 beats or feet) to emulate the original 5-syllable lines. I have been able to render the first couplet
(lines 1 and 2) as a perfectly parallel couplet except for the addition, in
line 1, of the word “daily” for the 5-beat metre. I have not attempted to render the second
couplet in the parallel form. The rhyme
scheme is XAXA as in the original.
*Lines 1 and 2: I am grateful to
my poet friend Bei Dao 北島
for pointing out to me that for 白日,
“white sun” is superior to my original “bright sun” as only “white” can
appropriately parallel “Yellow” in line 2.
(I can alternatively retain my original “bright” in line 1 and change “Yellow”
into “muddy” in line 2.) In line 1, I
have added "daily" (originally after, now 11.10.17) before "the white sun" primarily for reason of the 5-beat metre, but also to cover
the meaning of 日 as “day” in addition to meaning “sun”. In line 2, I have rendered 海 (sea) as “ocean” in order to match the sound of “mountains” in line 1.
*Line 3: 千里 (1,000
“li”), though strictly only about 300 miles, should be taken as a hyperbole and
rendered as “a thousand miles”.
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