Sorry for the late posting. Here is one by Du Fu, the second of his Two Quatrains usually known by the first line "In streams so aqua, the whiter the birds appear", but I find the last line "What year be the day I return to whence I came" so much more appealing.
Du Fu (712-770): A Quatrain, II of Two (In streams so aqua ...)
1 In streams so aqua, the whiter the birds appear,
2 On hills so green, red flowers bloom as in flame.
3 This spring, it seems, is again soon to pass,
4 What year be the day I return to whence I came?
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
13 June 2008 (revised 16.6.09; 18.6.08)
Translated from the original - 杜甫: 絕句 2首 其2 ( )
1 江 鳥逾白
2 山青花欲然
3 今春看又過
4 何日是歸年
Notes:
* This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) to emulate the original 5-character lines and the rhyme scheme is XAXA as is in the original.
* Line 2: The Chinese character 然 here means 燃 with a 火=fire to the left meaning “burn” or "flame". I have chosen "flame" as it conveys more vividly the colour contrast of “the-bluer-the-whiter, the-greener-the-redder” through association with the red flame-flower, the red flowers of the flame azalea and trees called the flame of the forest. In a way, the word “red” in the line is superfluous. It is included for clarity and it does not affect the pentameter as, by convention, “red” here should be read unaccented.
* Line 3: I had originally used “set” instead of “soon”. I have, however, interpreted the line to mean “今年的春天,看來,又[快要]過去了” as in the school children's rhyme “春天不是讀書天/夏日炎炎正好眠/等到秋來冬又(=快要)至(=到來))/還是收拾書包好過年”, hence, “is again soon to pass” to include both “again” and “soon” with the word “is” subtly suggesting the inevitability of spring passing.
* Line 4: The expression “whence I came” (which is grammatically correct) can be changed, without affecting the meter, to “from whence I came”. According to Webster’s Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary, “the idiom ‘from whence’ is old in the language, well established and standard’ and used by many including ‘the King James Bible, Shakespeare, Dryden, and Dickens.” I dropped the word “from” for the simple reason that, with it, the line looks too long.
29 August 2008
23 July 2008
柳宗元 Liu Zongyuan: 江雪 River-Snow
The following is my rendition of another very famous poem of the Tang Dynasty, River-Snow by Liu Zongyuan. I hope you will enjoy it.
Liu Zongyuan (773-819): River-Snow
1 In the thousand hills and hillocks, birds are not in flight,
2 On myriads of paths and pathways, no trace of men in sight.
3 Yet in a lone-boat, a fisher-folk, in broad-hat and straw-cloak sits
4 And, all alone, he angles, the river-snow, its iciness, despite.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
15 June 2008 (revised 16.6.08; 19.6.08; 21.6.08; 19.7.08)
Translated from the original - 柳宗元: 江雪
1 千山鳥飛絕
2 萬徑人蹤滅
3 孤舟簑笠翁
4 獨釣寒江雪
Notes:
* The rhyme scheme of this English rendition is AAXA which I believe the original to be. I have been unable to render the poem in pentameter (5 metrical feet) to emulate the original 5-character lines. So, hexameter (6 metrical feet) it is.
* Lines 1 and 2: The redundant words of “and hillocks” and “and pathways” are added to convey the sense of “many-and-all hills and paths” and, of course, to complete the hexameter.
* Lines 3 and 4: The words of “Yet”, “sits” and “despite” are not in the original, but their meaning can reasonably be implied.
Liu Zongyuan (773-819): River-Snow
1 In the thousand hills and hillocks, birds are not in flight,
2 On myriads of paths and pathways, no trace of men in sight.
3 Yet in a lone-boat, a fisher-folk, in broad-hat and straw-cloak sits
4 And, all alone, he angles, the river-snow, its iciness, despite.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
15 June 2008 (revised 16.6.08; 19.6.08; 21.6.08; 19.7.08)
Translated from the original - 柳宗元: 江雪
1 千山鳥飛絕
2 萬徑人蹤滅
3 孤舟簑笠翁
4 獨釣寒江雪
Notes:
* The rhyme scheme of this English rendition is AAXA which I believe the original to be. I have been unable to render the poem in pentameter (5 metrical feet) to emulate the original 5-character lines. So, hexameter (6 metrical feet) it is.
* Lines 1 and 2: The redundant words of “and hillocks” and “and pathways” are added to convey the sense of “many-and-all hills and paths” and, of course, to complete the hexameter.
* Lines 3 and 4: The words of “Yet”, “sits” and “despite” are not in the original, but their meaning can reasonably be implied.
25 June 2008
張繼 Zhang Ji: 楓橋夜泊 Moored for the Night by the Maple Bridge
Below is my rendition of a very famous Chinese poem of the Tang Dynasty in heptameter (7 metrical feet) and rhymed AAXA.
Zhang Ji (mid 700's): Moored for the Night by the Maple Bridge
1 The moon is down, ravens caw, a frostiness fills the sky;
2 By the riverside maples and fishing lights, sad, insomnious I lie.
3 Beyond the walls of Gusu City, where Hanshan Temple stands,
4 Bong goes the bell at midnight to touch the boat of the passerby.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
5 June 2008 (last revised 18.6.08; polished 3.1.2018)
Translated from the original - 張繼: 楓橋夜泊
1 月落烏啼霜滿天
2 江楓漁火對愁眠
3 姑蘇城外寒山寺
4 夜半鐘聲到客船
Notes:
*Zhang Ji was not a major poet of the period, but this poem has always been extremely popular and is represented in numerous paintings. This English rendition is in heptameter (7 metrical feet) to emulate the original 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.
*Line 3: "Gusu" is present day Suzhou 蘇州. "Hanshan" is literally Cold Mountain 寒 山. It is also the name of a famous Buddhist monk, but the claim that the monastery was named after the monk who lived in the late 700's to early 800's remains dubious.
*Line 4: I had considered replacing "goes" by "tolls" but decided not to as it might produce an audio(-visual) effect of Western church bell tolling and ringing. "Bong" is the correct sound of the single Buddhist monastery bell hit by the end of a large wooden pole. The word "touch" is chosen for its ambiguity. It was originally "reach" which is the literal meaning. I had also considered using "bless" (the sound of the bell must or would have quelled some of the sadness.) But there is already an abundance of the "b" alliteration of "bong", "bell" and "boat" in the line and of "By" and "Beyond" in the previous lines.
Zhang Ji (mid 700's): Moored for the Night by the Maple Bridge
1 The moon is down, ravens caw, a frostiness fills the sky;
2 By the riverside maples and fishing lights, sad, insomnious I lie.
3 Beyond the walls of Gusu City, where Hanshan Temple stands,
4 Bong goes the bell at midnight to touch the boat of the passerby.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
5 June 2008 (last revised 18.6.08; polished 3.1.2018)
Translated from the original - 張繼: 楓橋夜泊
1 月落烏啼霜滿天
2 江楓漁火對愁眠
3 姑蘇城外寒山寺
4 夜半鐘聲到客船
Notes:
*Zhang Ji was not a major poet of the period, but this poem has always been extremely popular and is represented in numerous paintings. This English rendition is in heptameter (7 metrical feet) to emulate the original 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.
*Line 3: "Gusu" is present day Suzhou 蘇州. "Hanshan" is literally Cold Mountain 寒 山. It is also the name of a famous Buddhist monk, but the claim that the monastery was named after the monk who lived in the late 700's to early 800's remains dubious.
*Line 4: I had considered replacing "goes" by "tolls" but decided not to as it might produce an audio(-visual) effect of Western church bell tolling and ringing. "Bong" is the correct sound of the single Buddhist monastery bell hit by the end of a large wooden pole. The word "touch" is chosen for its ambiguity. It was originally "reach" which is the literal meaning. I had also considered using "bless" (the sound of the bell must or would have quelled some of the sadness.) But there is already an abundance of the "b" alliteration of "bong", "bell" and "boat" in the line and of "By" and "Beyond" in the previous lines.
29 May 2008
杜秋娘 Du Qiuniang: 金縷衣 Robe Embroidered in Gold
The following is a most recent translation of mine. It is the only poem by a woman poet (poetess) of the Tang Dynasty included in the anthology "300 Poems of the Tang Dynasty". From the fact that Du Mu (803-852) wrote a poem to Du Qiuniang, she must have lived in the early 800's.
Du Qiuniang (early 800's): Robe Embroidered in Gold
1 Cherish not, I pray, your robe embroidered in gold;
2 Cherish, I pray, relish - the days before you're old.
3 Flowers fit for plucking, you pluck while still in bloom,
4 Lest you pluck but twigs denuded, bald, bare and cold.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
21 May 2008.
Translated from the original - 杜秋娘: 金縷衣
1 勸君莫惜金縷衣
2 勸君惜取少年時
3 花開堪折直須折
4 莫待無花空折枝
Notes:
*Lines 3 and 4: The word "you" can be deleted from line 3 and the words "you pluck" in line 4 can be replaced by "pluck'st" which sounds archaic but means the same.
Du Qiuniang (early 800's): Robe Embroidered in Gold
1 Cherish not, I pray, your robe embroidered in gold;
2 Cherish, I pray, relish - the days before you're old.
3 Flowers fit for plucking, you pluck while still in bloom,
4 Lest you pluck but twigs denuded, bald, bare and cold.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
21 May 2008.
Translated from the original - 杜秋娘: 金縷衣
1 勸君莫惜金縷衣
2 勸君惜取少年時
3 花開堪折直須折
4 莫待無花空折枝
Notes:
*Lines 3 and 4: The word "you" can be deleted from line 3 and the words "you pluck" in line 4 can be replaced by "pluck'st" which sounds archaic but means the same.
24 April 2008
李白 Li Bai: 獨坐敬亭山 Sitting Alone at Mount Jingting
The following translation of the poem "Sitting Alone at Mount Jingting" by the Chinese poet Li Bai (701-762) was written on 26 November 2007, last revised on 5 December 2007:-
Li Bai (701-762): Sitting Alone at Mount Jingting
1 Vanished are the birds upon soaring high,
2 Save a cloud solitary, floats freely by.
3 Tired not of reciprocating one another's gaze,
4 Thou, and thou only, Mount Jingting and I.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
26th November 2007 (revised 5.12.2007)
Translated from the original - 李白: 獨坐敬亭山
1 衆鳥高飛盡
2 孤雲獨去閒
3 相看兩不厭
4 只有敬亭山
Notes:-
*I am grateful to 施頴洲 for his "high(line 1)-by(line 2)-I(line 4)" rhyme in his translation of the same poem which he entitled "Li Po: Sitting Alone by Mount Ching-ting" on pp.66-67 of his "Tang and Song Poetry -- Chinese-English" 中英對照讀唐詩宋詞, 九歌出版社, 台北 Taipei, 2006.
*Line 3: I had originally translated the line as "Tired not of the company we two keep" but have decided to stick to the "gaze" formulation. I have used "one another's gaze" (which is grammatically correct despite popular belief) as "each other's gaze" sounds a bit harsh.
*Line 4: I have used the archaic "thou" instead of "you" faintly hinting at the "I-Thou" vis-a-vis the "I-It" relationship differntiated by Martin Buber in his book "I and Thou" hoping to truly personify Mount Jingting.
Now, back to my last (March 2008) post, I have now further revised my translation of "House in the Bamboo Grove" by Wang Wei (701-761) as follows:-
1 Alone I sit in the shade of the bamboo trees,
2 My strings I pluck, then long and loud I sing.
3 Deep in the forest, none knows I exist,
4 None but the moon, to me she comes a-shining.
Notes:-
*I am grateful to William P. Coleman who recently corresponded with me at length in his blog http://williampcoleman.wordpress.com on his and my versions of the poem. My use of "shade" instead of "bowers" in line 1 and "strings" instead of "zither" in line 2 owe much to his criticism.
Now, further back to my February 2008 post, I have now decided to revert to the onomatopoeiac word "pitter-patter" in line 3 of "A Morning in Spring" by Meng Haoran (689-740), thus:-
In spring I sleep unaware morning is here,
From near then far, trilling songbirds I hear.
In the night's pitter-pattering of winds and rains,
How many blossoms fallen? Not few, I fear!
Notes:-
* I am grateful to Lily Yam Kwan who urged me to reconsider "In the din of".
*Line 1: I have deleted the two commas in the line.
Li Bai (701-762): Sitting Alone at Mount Jingting
1 Vanished are the birds upon soaring high,
2 Save a cloud solitary, floats freely by.
3 Tired not of reciprocating one another's gaze,
4 Thou, and thou only, Mount Jingting and I.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
26th November 2007 (revised 5.12.2007)
Translated from the original - 李白: 獨坐敬亭山
1 衆鳥高飛盡
2 孤雲獨去閒
3 相看兩不厭
4 只有敬亭山
*I am grateful to 施頴洲 for his "high(line 1)-by(line 2)-I(line 4)" rhyme in his translation of the same poem which he entitled "Li Po: Sitting Alone by Mount Ching-ting" on pp.66-67 of his "Tang and Song Poetry -- Chinese-English" 中英對照讀唐詩宋詞, 九歌出版社, 台北 Taipei, 2006.
*Line 3: I had originally translated the line as "Tired not of the company we two keep" but have decided to stick to the "gaze" formulation. I have used "one another's gaze" (which is grammatically correct despite popular belief) as "each other's gaze" sounds a bit harsh.
*Line 4: I have used the archaic "thou" instead of "you" faintly hinting at the "I-Thou" vis-a-vis the "I-It" relationship differntiated by Martin Buber in his book "I and Thou" hoping to truly personify Mount Jingting.
Now, back to my last (March 2008) post, I have now further revised my translation of "House in the Bamboo Grove" by Wang Wei (701-761) as follows:-
1 Alone I sit in the shade of the bamboo trees,
2 My strings I pluck, then long and loud I sing.
3 Deep in the forest, none knows I exist,
4 None but the moon, to me she comes a-shining.
Notes:-
*I am grateful to William P. Coleman who recently corresponded with me at length in his blog http://williampcoleman.wordpress.com on his and my versions of the poem. My use of "shade" instead of "bowers" in line 1 and "strings" instead of "zither" in line 2 owe much to his criticism.
Now, further back to my February 2008 post, I have now decided to revert to the onomatopoeiac word "pitter-patter" in line 3 of "A Morning in Spring" by Meng Haoran (689-740), thus:-
In spring I sleep unaware morning is here,
From near then far, trilling songbirds I hear.
In the night's pitter-pattering of winds and rains,
How many blossoms fallen? Not few, I fear!
Notes:-
* I am grateful to Lily Yam Kwan who urged me to reconsider "In the din of".
*Line 1: I have deleted the two commas in the line.
11 March 2008
王維 Wang Wei: 竹里館 House in the Bamboo Grove
I hope you will like my rendition of Wang Wei: House in the Bamboo Grove (王維: 竹里館) in an XAXA rhyming scheme as in the original Chinese:-
Wang Wei (701-761): House in the Bamboo Grove
1 Alone I sit, in the bowers of the bamboo trees,
2 My zither I pluck, then, long and loud I sing.
3 Deep in the forest, none knows I exist,
4 None but the moonlight, to me, solace you bring.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
18 February 2008 (revised 7.3.2008)
Translated from the original - 王維: 竹里館
1 獨坐幽篁裡
2 彈琴復長嘯
3 深林人不知
4 明月來相照
I have revised Meng Haoran: A Morning in Spring (孟浩然: 春曉) in my February post as follows:
In spring, I sleep, unaware morning is here,
From near then far, trilling songbirds I hear.
In the din of the wind and rain all through the night,
How many blossoms fallen? Not few, I fear!
This follows an AAXA rhyming scheme as in the original Chinese.
The same goes for Li Bai: Downstream to Jiangling (李白: 下江陵) in my January post.
Postscript 24.4.2008):
Now, back to my last (March 2008) post, I have now further revised my translation of "House in the Bamboo Grove" by Wang Wei (701-761) as follows:-
Alone I sit in the shade of the bamboo trees,
My strings I pluck, then long and loud I sing.
Deep in the forest, none knows I exist,
None but the moon, to me she comes a-shining.
Notes:-
*I am grateful to William P. Coleman who recently corresponded with me at length in his blog http://williampcoleman.wordpress.com on his and my versions of the poem. My use of "shade" instead of "bowers" in line 1 and "strings" instead of "zither" in line 2 owe much to his criticism.
Wang Wei (701-761): House in the Bamboo Grove
1 Alone I sit, in the bowers of the bamboo trees,
2 My zither I pluck, then, long and loud I sing.
3 Deep in the forest, none knows I exist,
4 None but the moonlight, to me, solace you bring.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
18 February 2008 (revised 7.3.2008)
Translated from the original - 王維: 竹里館
1 獨坐幽篁裡
2 彈琴復長嘯
3 深林人不知
4 明月來相照
I have revised Meng Haoran: A Morning in Spring (孟浩然: 春曉) in my February post as follows:
In spring, I sleep, unaware morning is here,
From near then far, trilling songbirds I hear.
In the din of the wind and rain all through the night,
How many blossoms fallen? Not few, I fear!
This follows an AAXA rhyming scheme as in the original Chinese.
The same goes for Li Bai: Downstream to Jiangling (李白: 下江陵) in my January post.
Postscript 24.4.2008):
Now, back to my last (March 2008) post, I have now further revised my translation of "House in the Bamboo Grove" by Wang Wei (701-761) as follows:-
Alone I sit in the shade of the bamboo trees,
My strings I pluck, then long and loud I sing.
Deep in the forest, none knows I exist,
None but the moon, to me she comes a-shining.
Notes:-
*I am grateful to William P. Coleman who recently corresponded with me at length in his blog http://williampcoleman.wordpress.com on his and my versions of the poem. My use of "shade" instead of "bowers" in line 1 and "strings" instead of "zither" in line 2 owe much to his criticism.
20 February 2008
孟浩然 Meng Haoran: 春曉 A Morning in Spring
POSTSCRIPT 2 (24.9.2017):
Revisiting my 2008 rendition, I have decided to revise it as follows:-
Meng Haoran (689-740): A morning in Spring
1 In spring I sleep unaware morning is here;
2 From far and near, trilling songbirds I hear.
3 In the night's pitter patter of wind and rain,
4 How many flowers fallen? Not few, I fear.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
12th February 2008 (revised 14.2.08; 18.2.08; 22.2.08; 24.4.08; 24.9.2017)
POSTSCRIPT 1 (24.4.2008):
Now, further back to my February 2008 post, I have now decided to revert to the onomatopoeiac word "pitter-patter" in line 3 of "A Morning in Spring" by Meng Haoran (689-740), thus:-
1 In spring I sleep unaware morning is here,
2 From near then far, trilling songbirds I hear.
3 In the night's pitter-pattering of winds and rains,
4 How many blossoms fallen? Not few, I fear!
Notes:-
* I am grateful to Lily Yam Kwan who urged me to reconsider "In the din of".
*Line 1: I have deleted the two commas in the line.
ORIGINAL POST (12.2.2008)
I have just finished translating Meng Haoran's "A Morning in Spring" and wish to share it with you the soonest. Here we go. I will post my other finished poems later.
Meng Haoran (689-740): A Morning in Spring
1 In spring, I sleep, unaware morning is here,
2 From near then far, trilling songbirds I hear;
3 In the night's pitter-patter of winds and rains though mild,
4 How many fallen petals? Know not, I fear!
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
12 February 2008
Translated from the original - 孟浩然: 春曉
1 春眠不覺曉
2 處處聞啼鳥
3 夜來風雨聲
4 花落知多少
Notes:
Line 2: I had considered using "chirping", "cheeping" or "singing" but decided "trilling" is best. (12.2.2008)
Line 3: I had considered "In the din of the wind and rain all night last night," which means the night was stormy, but dicided to adopt the gentle spring showers interpretation of "In the night's pitter-patter of winds and rains so mild". (18.2.2008) I have now decided to use "though" instead of "so". The line now reads "In the night's pitter-patter of winds and rains though mild" and the poem above has been accordingly modified. (22.2.2008)
Line 4: I had originally ended the poem with "None knows! Oh dear!" but have now decided to end it with "Know not, I fear!". An alternative is "Not few, I fear!" which cleverly covers 少 but misses 知. (14.2.2008)
The poet's name should be Meng Haoran, not Meng Haoren. This is now rectified. (22.2.2008)
Revisiting my 2008 rendition, I have decided to revise it as follows:-
Meng Haoran (689-740): A morning in Spring
1 In spring I sleep unaware morning is here;
2 From far and near, trilling songbirds I hear.
3 In the night's pitter patter of wind and rain,
4 How many flowers fallen? Not few, I fear.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
12th February 2008 (revised 14.2.08; 18.2.08; 22.2.08; 24.4.08; 24.9.2017)
POSTSCRIPT 1 (24.4.2008):
Now, further back to my February 2008 post, I have now decided to revert to the onomatopoeiac word "pitter-patter" in line 3 of "A Morning in Spring" by Meng Haoran (689-740), thus:-
1 In spring I sleep unaware morning is here,
2 From near then far, trilling songbirds I hear.
3 In the night's pitter-pattering of winds and rains,
4 How many blossoms fallen? Not few, I fear!
Notes:-
* I am grateful to Lily Yam Kwan who urged me to reconsider "In the din of".
*Line 1: I have deleted the two commas in the line.
ORIGINAL POST (12.2.2008)
I have just finished translating Meng Haoran's "A Morning in Spring" and wish to share it with you the soonest. Here we go. I will post my other finished poems later.
Meng Haoran (689-740): A Morning in Spring
1 In spring, I sleep, unaware morning is here,
2 From near then far, trilling songbirds I hear;
3 In the night's pitter-patter of winds and rains though mild,
4 How many fallen petals? Know not, I fear!
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
12 February 2008
Translated from the original - 孟浩然: 春曉
1 春眠不覺曉
2 處處聞啼鳥
3 夜來風雨聲
4 花落知多少
Notes:
Line 2: I had considered using "chirping", "cheeping" or "singing" but decided "trilling" is best. (12.2.2008)
Line 3: I had considered "In the din of the wind and rain all night last night," which means the night was stormy, but dicided to adopt the gentle spring showers interpretation of "In the night's pitter-patter of winds and rains so mild". (18.2.2008) I have now decided to use "though" instead of "so". The line now reads "In the night's pitter-patter of winds and rains though mild" and the poem above has been accordingly modified. (22.2.2008)
Line 4: I had originally ended the poem with "None knows! Oh dear!" but have now decided to end it with "Know not, I fear!". An alternative is "Not few, I fear!" which cleverly covers 少 but misses 知. (14.2.2008)
The poet's name should be Meng Haoran, not Meng Haoren. This is now rectified. (22.2.2008)
28 January 2008
李白 Li Bai: 下江陵/ 早發白帝城 Downstream to Jiangling/ Early Departure from Baidi City
李白: 早發白帝城/ 下江陵
Li Bai (701-762): Early Departure from Baidi City/ Downstream to Jiangling
朝辭白帝彩雲間
At daybreak I left Baidi, in the midst of clouds aglow,
千里江陵一日還
Three hundred miles to
Jiangling, takes just a day to go.
两岸猿聲啼不住
In the endless cries of
monkeys, on banks both left and right,
輕舟已過萬重山
I’ve sailed past a myriad clifftops,
flanking my skiff below.
P 2
POSTSCRIPT 4 (16.6.2011) Polishing line 4: I have revised "myriads of flanking mountains high and low" in line 4 to "a myriad cliff-tops o'erhanging high or low". My rendition now reads (Notes revised accordingly):-
Li Bai (701—762): Downstream to Jiangling/ Early Departure from Baidi City
1 (At dawn I left Baidi yclad in clouds aglow,)
At daybreak I left a Baidi enwrapped in clouds aglow; (revised 30.10.17)
At daybreak I left a Baidi enwrapped in clouds aglow; (revised 30.10.17)
2 (A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes but a day to go.)
A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes just a day to go. (revised 30.10.17)
A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes just a day to go. (revised 30.10.17)
3 In the endless cries of monkeys on banks both left and right,
4 I’ve skiffed past a myriad cliff-tops o'erhanging high or low.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11; 13.6.11; 15.6.11; 16.6.11; 30.10.17)
POSTSCRIPT 3 (15.6.2011) Latest touching up: I have now decided to use (a) "yclad" instead of "enwrapped" in line 1, (b) "takes but a day" instead of "takes only a day" in line 2, (c) "monkeys on banks" instead of "monkeys from banks" in line 3, and (d) "flanking mountains high and low" instead of "mountains flanking me high or low" in line 4. This latest version is as follows (the notes are accordingly revised):-
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11; 13.6.11; 15.6.11; 16.6.11; 30.10.17)
POSTSCRIPT 3 (15.6.2011) Latest touching up: I have now decided to use (a) "yclad" instead of "enwrapped" in line 1, (b) "takes but a day" instead of "takes only a day" in line 2, (c) "monkeys on banks" instead of "monkeys from banks" in line 3, and (d) "flanking mountains high and low" instead of "mountains flanking me high or low" in line 4. This latest version is as follows (the notes are accordingly revised):-
Li Bai (701—762): Downstream to Jiangling/Early Departure from
1 At dawn I left Baidi enwrapped in clouds aglow,
2 A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes only a day to go.
3 In the endless cries of monkeys from banks both left and right,
4 I’ve skiffed past myriads of mountains flanking me high or low.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11; 13.6.11)
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11; 13.6.11)
POSTSCRIPT 2 (13.6.2011) Further revisions to Lines 3 and 4: I now consider my original "row after row" or "row following row" formulation totally misguided as explained in my notes revised up to today (13.6.2011). My further revised version is as follows:-
Li Bai (701—762): Downstream to Jiangling/Early Departure from
1 At dawn I left Baidi yclad in clouds aglow,
2 A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes but a day to go.
3 In the endless cries of monkeys on banks both left and right,
4 I’ve skiffed past myriads of flanking mountains high and low
.
.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11; 13.6.11; 15.6.11)POSTSCRIPT 1 (10.6.2011) Latest revisions: I have revised my rendition of this famous poem by 李白 Li Bai first posted here on 28.1.2008. There are two alternative titles to the poem. I have translated one 下江陵 as "Downstream to Jiangling" and the other 早發白帝城 as "Early Departure from Baidi City". I have also revised and expanded my notes which follow my translation. I do hope you will find this an improved version:-
Li Bai (701—762): Downstream to Jiangling/Early Departure from Baidi City
1 At dawn I left Baidi enwrapped in clouds aglow,
2 A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes only a day to go.
3 In the endless calls of monkeys coming from bank to bank,
4 I’ve skiffed past myriads of mountains row following row.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11)
ORIGINAL POST (28.1.2008):
So far I have translated the following poems. (Added 9.11.2013: As this was my very first post on my then newly created blog, I gave a brief progress of my work since mid 2007 by listing out, by poet, title and first line, some 11 poems I had translated. The list is now deleted so as not to crowd the page.)
So far I have translated the following poems. (Added 9.11.2013: As this was my very first post on my then newly created blog, I gave a brief progress of my work since mid 2007 by listing out, by poet, title and first line, some 11 poems I had translated. The list is now deleted so as not to crowd the page.)
Here, I wish to share with you the full text of the first of my translated poems as follows:-
Li Bai: Downstream to Jiangling/Early Start from Baidi City
1 At daybreak I leave Baidi amidst clouds aglow,
2 A thousand miles to Jiangling is a mere day's flow.
3 Whilst monkeys cry incessantly from bank to bank,
4 I've skiffed past a myriad mountains row after row
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa). 譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08)
Translated from the original - 李白:下江陵/早發白帝城
1 朝辭白帝彩雲間
2 千里江陵一日還
3 兩岸猿聲啼不住
4 輕舟已過萬重山
[Please note I have not decided if the third line should read "In the unceasing cries of monkeys from bank to bank," and if "monkeys" should be replaced by "gibbons".]
Li Bai: Downstream to Jiangling/Early Start from Baidi City
1 At daybreak I leave Baidi amidst clouds aglow,
2 A thousand miles to Jiangling is a mere day's flow.
3 Whilst monkeys cry incessantly from bank to bank,
4 I've skiffed past a myriad mountains row after row
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa). 譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08)
Translated from the original - 李白:下江陵/早發白帝城
1 朝辭白帝彩雲間
2 千里江陵一日還
3 兩岸猿聲啼不住
4 輕舟已過萬重山
[Please note I have not decided if the third line should read "In the unceasing cries of monkeys from bank to bank," and if "monkeys" should be replaced by "gibbons".]
Notes (revised and expanded up to 10.6.2011, further revised up to 13.6, then 15.6.2011 and 16.6.2011):-
* This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) whilst the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA (or AAXA) as in the original.
* Title and lines 1 and 2: I am grateful to 許淵冲 Xu Yuanzhong (XYZ) of Peking University who graciously met me on 3rd December 2008. On the question of proper names, he suggested to me that the Chinese place names should best be omitted. It seems he has taken the advice of my mentor John A. Turner (who taught me poetry in 1961-62) one step further (please see pp. xxxii-xxxiv of his “A Golden Treasury of Chinese Poetry”, Hong Kong : The Chinese Univ. of Hong Kong Press White Emperor Town Beijing
* Line 1: I have now decided to use “dawn” instead of “daybreak” and have changed “leave” to “left” to make clear that dawn is past I had used “amidst clouds aglow”, then considered “yclad (meaning clothed) in clouds aglow”, “in a canopy of clouds aglow”, and decided for “enwrapped in clouds aglow”. I have now changed my mind in favour of "yclad".
* Line 2: Although the Chinese mile 里 “li” is about one third of a mile (according to the 1929 official standards) and the distance between Baidi and Jiangling is actually about 300 miles, yet I do love the hyperbole of “A thousand miles” and have no wish to be as precise as “Three hundred miles” or as loose as “Hundreds of miles”. I had penned “is a mere day’s flow”, then considered “is but a day’s flow” and “is just a day’s flow” and, alternatively, “takes but a day to go” and “takes just a day to go”, and have now decided for “takes only a day to go”. I have now changed my mind in favour of "takes but a day to go".
* Line 3: I had first penned the line as “Whilst monkeys cry incessantly from bank to bank”, considered “Whilst monkeys cry incessantly on banks left and right”, “In the unceasing cries of monkeys from banks left and right”, “In the endless din of monkeys calling from bank to bank”, “In the endless cries of monkeys calling from bank to bank” and “In the endless calls of monkeys coming from bank to bank”, and have now decided for "In the endless cries of monkeys on banks both left and right".
* Line 4: Although I had considered the word “sailed”, I decided for “skiffed” which sounds much speedier. The noun “skiff” 輕舟, which I need to include, can according to the Shorter Oxford Dictionary be used as a verb. I had considered “skiffed through’ to replace “skiffed past” so as to make certain the syllable “past” (or “through” if chosen) is not read stressed, but have decided it unnecessary. I had first penned “row after row” to end the poem, then revised it to “row following row”, in order to complete the 6-foot meter and the "-ow" rhyme. I now consider "row after row" totally misguided as sailing downstream though the Three Gorges, one can only see two rows of mountains or cliffs or bluffs or escarpments flanking the river. I, therefore, decided to re-write the line. I considered "I've skiffed past myriads of mountains flanking me high or low", then "I've skiffed past myriads of cliffs o'erhanging high and low", then decided for "I've skiffed past myriads of flanking mountains high and low", but have now decided to re-write it as "I've skiffed past a myriad cliff-tops o'erhanging high or low".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
