李白 Li Bai: 山中問答 Why in the Mountains

Andrew Wong's English Rendition of Li Bai "Why in the Mountains"

Here is a beautiful little poem by Tang dynasty China's "Immortal Poet" Li Bai 詩仙 李白. I hope my rendition in translation has done Li Bai justice. You may wish to note that I have (a) kept the original rhyme scheme AABA or AAXA (with the "een" rhyme to translate the original "aan" rhyme), (b) provided every line with a "caesura" or "pause" somewhere in the middle (in this case, after 3 beats) to translate the invariable and often very prominent caesura after 4 characters in the 7-character (or after 2 in the 5-character) Chinese quatrain line, and (c) used "beats" or "feet", and not "syllables", to account for the line length of the the English rendition in translating the original lines of equal length (in this case, 7-character). I am in total agreement with the late Arthur Cooper's insistence on the "caesura", but differ from him in that he counts "syllables" while I count "beats". His rendition of this poem can be found on p.115 of his "Li Po and Tu Fu", London: Penguin, 1973, his methodology on pp.82-83. Here is my rendition; please read aloud and enjoy Li Bai (Li Po):-

Li Bai (701-762) : Why in the Mountains (In Reply to the Uninitiated)

1 You ask O why I’ve chosen to live in the mountains green;

2 I smile without replying, my heart sedate, serene.

3 Peach flowers on rivulets gambol, then ramble out of sight; ’tis

4 Heaven and earth with a difference, not of the world we’d been.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黄宏發

7^th November 2008 (revised10.11.08; 14.11.08; 17.11.08: 12.4.10)
Translated from the original - 李白:  山中問答(答俗人)

1 問余何事(意)棲碧山

2 笑而不答心自閒

3 桃花流水杳然去

4 別有天地非人間

Notes:

* The original poem is in 7-character lines; this English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet). The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.

* Title and lines 1 and 2: My interpretation of the poem is that of the poet “thinking to himself”, not a real dialogue or conversation, hence, my title “Why in the Mountains” and, hence, lines I and 2 can, alternatively, begin as “If you ask” and “I would smile” respectively.

* Line 1: The words “I’ve chosen” or “I choose” are not in the original but can be reasonably inferred. The addition provides a much needed break/pause/caesura to the line, and “I’ve chosen” does the job better than “I choose”.

* Line 2: I had considered “I smile in reply speechless” and have decided “speechless” too strong, hence, out of place for the “heart, sedate, serene”.

* Line 3: I had used “peach petals” but have now decided for “peach flowers”. I have chosen to use “peach flowers” rather than “rivulets” or both as the subject, hence, “(peach flowers on rivulets) … gambol … ramble” to translate 流 and 去.

* Line 4: I have used “not of the world we’d been” to mean “not of the world we men had been” to translate 非人間. Alternatively, “been” can be changed to “seen”.

李白 Li Bai: 清平調 3首 其1 To the Qing and Ping Tune (for Lady Yang), I of 3

This is done earlier this year. I do hope you like it. The other two will soon follow.

Li Bai (701-762): To the Qing and Ping Tune (for Lady Yang), 1 of 3

1 In clouds, I think of her raiment, in flowers, see her face,
2 Blooming, beaming by the railing, in Zephyr’s dewy embrace.
3 ‘Tis only on Hills of Emerald, might such a beauty be seen, else
4 By moonlight at Jasper Terrace, be blest to encounter her grace.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者:黃宏發
15th January 2010 (revised 18.1.10; 20.1.10; 21.1.10; 9.2.10; 26.2.10)
Translated from the original - 李白: 清平調 3首 其1

1 雲想衣裳花想容
2 春風拂檻露華濃
3 若非羣玉山頭見
4 會向瑶臺月下逢

Notes:-

* This English is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.

* Title: The three verses were written by Li Bai impromptu upon being summoned to the palace garden where Emperor Xuanzong and his favourite concubine Lady Yang were admiring peony flowers in full bloom, hence, I have added (for Lady Yang).
.
* Line 1: I had considered and rejected “we/you think” (everyone, the Emperor included) for being too general and “one thinks” for being too impersonal, and have decided for “I think” (which can stand for either the poet or the Emperor). I had used “your raiment … your face” here, and “your grace” in line 4, but have decided for “her raiment … her face” and “her grace”.

* Line 2: To translate 春風 (spring wind), I have used “Zephyr” (the god of the west wind, being spring wind in Europe) to pave the way for the mythical references in lines 3 and 4. I have used “railing” to translate 檻 and rejected other interpretations such as “casement” or “window sill”. To translate 拂 (“stroke” or “caress”), I have used “embrace” for the rhyme, and have taken the liberty to change the object of the “embrace/stroke/caress” from the more literal railings to the more poetic flowers and beautiful lady.

* Lines 3 and 4: As explained in the note above, the proper names of 羣玉山 “Hills of Emerald” (line 3) and 瑶臺 “Jasper Terrace” (line 4) exist only in myths; here, the mythology of 西王母 Fairy Queen Mother of the Western Sky. I have added “beauty” (line 3) and “grace” (line 4) to make plain that lines 3 and 4 refer to the beautiful lady (who can only be from heaven/fairyland).
* Line 4: I have added “be blest” to convey a sense of good fortune and to complete the meter. I had used “meet/behold”, but have now decided for “encounter”.

李白 Li Bai: 望廬山瀑布 二首 其二 View of a Waterfall at Mount Lushan II of Two

Postscript 2 (14.11.2017; 16.11.17) - Upon reconsideration, I have further revised my rendition.  This is primarily to include in line 1 of my rendition the idea of 紫 "purple" in 紫煙 "purple smoke" which alludes to 紫氣東來 "purple air coming from the east" where 紫氣 mean "auspicious air or atmosphere or cloud or mist".  I had originally penned "in a purplish mist agleam" but have now revised "mist" to "aura" which means "a subtly pervasive quality or atmosphere seen as emanating from a person, place or thing (Webster Encyclopedic Unabridged)" and "a subtle emanation from any substance (Shorter Oxford)".  Line 1 now reads "Sunlit the Incense Summit, in a purplish aura agleam".  The word 生 "produce, emit, etc." in the same line (which, though less significant in my view,)  is somewhat covered by the word "in" and the word "aura".

I have further revised 飛流 in line 3 as "Flowing, fleeting, flying" which is more faithful to the original.

My notes are yet to be revised.  Here is my revised rendition:-

Li Bai (701-762): View of a Waterfall at Mount Lushan, II of Two

1  Sunlit the Incense Summit, in a purplish aura agleam;

2  To afar like a shimmering curtain, a waterfall hangs up-stream.

3  Flowing, fleeting, flying -- plunging three thousand feet,

4  As if ‘twere the Silver River, falling from Heaven Supreme.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發

5th August 2009 (revised 6.8.09: 7.8.09; 2.9.09; 3.9.09; 11.8.10; 16.6.11; 14.11.2017)

Postscript 1 (16.6.2011) -  Revisions consolidated: I had as early as 3.9.2011 revised "like a drape that glitters" in line 2 to "like a shimmering curtain". This is now reflected below. I also take this opportunity to effect some touching up: deleting the comma between "afar" and "like" and hyphenating "up" and "stream" (line 2), replacing "Flowing" by "Rolling" (line 3), and deleting "the" and capitalizing "Heaven Supreme" (line 4). The notes in the original post above are accordingly revised up to today. The revised rendition is as follows:-

Li Bai (701-762): View of a Waterfall at Mount Lushan 2 of 2

1  Sunlit the Incense Summit, aglow in smoke and steam,

2  To afar like a shimmering curtain, a waterfall hangs up-stream:

3  Rolling, flying, fluttering ~ plunging three thousand feet,

4  As if ‘twere the Silver River, falling from Heaven Supreme.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發

5th August 2009 (revised 6.8.09: 7.8.09; 2.9.09; 3.9.09; 11.8.10; 16.6.11)

Original Post (2.9.2009) - Here is my latest translation. Please let your friends know if you enjoy it.

Li Bai (701-762): View of a Waterfall at Mount Lushan II of Two

1  Sunlit is the Incense Summit, aglow in smoke and steam;
2  To afar, like a drape that glitters, a waterfall hangs upstream:
3  Flowing, flying, fluttering ~ plunging three thousand feet,
4  As if ‘twere the Silver River, falling from the heaven supreme.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
5th August 2009 (revised 6.8.09: 7.8.09; 2.9.09)
Translated from the original - 李白: 望廬山瀑布 二首 其二

1  日照香爐生紫煙
2  遙看瀑布掛前川
3  飛流直下三千尺
4  疑是銀河落九天

Notes: (revised up to 16.6.11, please see POSTSCRIPT above for the revised rendition of the poem)

* Form, Metre and Rhyme:  This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.

* Line 1: I have added the word “Summit” to translate 香爐 “incense burner” as the poem clearly refers to a mountain “peak/summit” and not an “incense burner”. I could have used “censer” or “thurible” to qualify the “peak/summit”, but have decided against them as they yield the image of an “incense burner" being carried and not stationary, hence, “Incense Summit” omitting “Burner”. I have also omitted translating 生 “generating” which can be taken to be implied in “aglow” which latter subtly suggests 紫 “purplish” or “reddish”.

* Line 2: I have added the simile “a drape that glitters” which, though not literally in the original, is in fact most subtly suggested in the word 布 “cloth” in 瀑布 “waterfall” or “cataract”, followed by 掛 “hangs”, which produces a vivid picture of “a piece of cloth hanging”, hence, “a drape … hangs”. What I have added is only the “white” colour, and I have decided for “that glitters” instead of “of hoar-silk” or “of white silk”. I had originally considered “curtain”, e.g. “hoar-silk curtain”, but have decided for “drape”. However, after posting it, I at once relented and revised it to "like a shimmering curtain" for sounding so much better.

* Line 3: I had considered (1) “Flowing, flushing, flying” for its “f” alliteration, (2) the rhyming “Flushing, rushing, gushing”, and (3) “Flowing, rolling, flying”, but decided for “Flowing, flying, fluttering”. I now consider "Rolling, flying, fluttering" (in that order) the best combination as "rolling" which means "flowing faster and in a larger volume" is a better word than "flowing" to translate 飛流 and as 3 "f's" in a row tends to be boring.

Line 4: I have translated 銀河 “Milky Way” literally as “Silver River”. As 九天 the “Ninth Heaven”, like the “Seventh Heaven” or “Seventh of Heavens” in the West, is the highest level of the heavens, I have abandoned both “nine” and “seven” and embraced “Heaven Supreme” which also completes the "-eam" rhyme. I had originally penned “As if the Silver River, were falling …”, but have now decided for “As if ‘twere the Silver River, falling …”.

李白 Li Bai: 夜思 Night Thoughts

POSTSCRIPT 3 (10.11.2017):  Thanks to my friend John Lau who recently urged me to reconsider my interpretation of 床 as "well railings", hence, "well".  I have now decided to revert to my original "bed" interpretation and return to my original, more literal rendition, albeit slightly polished.  My reasons will be given in my notes yet to be revised.  The revised rendition is as follows:-

Li Bai (701-762): Night Thoughts

1  Before my bed, the moon shines bright;
2  Be it frost aground? I suppose it might.
3  I lift my head, the moon to behold, then
4  Lower it, musing: I'm homesick tonight.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)      譯者: 黃宏發
27th November 2008 (revised 28.11.08; 4.12 08; 5.12.08; 8.12.08; 10.11.2017)

POSTSCRIPT 2 (8.12.2008):  I have further revised my new translation of Li Bai's Night Thoughts. The poem now reads-

Li Bai (701-762): Night Thoughts

1  Before the well, the moonlight so bright,
2  Be it frost aground?  I suppose it might.
3  I raise my eyes towards the silvery moon, then
4  Lower them, musing: I'm homesick tonight.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者:黃宏發
27th November 2008 (revised 28.11.08; 4.12.08; 5.12.08; 8.12.08)

Notes:-
* Line 1: The word 床 should mean “railings of the well”, not “bed”, as in line 4 of another poem also by Li Bai, i.e. “遶床弄青梅” or “Round and round the well we pelted each other with green plums” in 長干行 Ballad of Changgan, translated by Innes Herdan, p. 108 of her three Hundred Tang Poems, Taipei: Far East, 1973, 2000. In that context, only “well” makes sense. Even here, “well” makes better sense as one’s bedside rarely gets frosted. But I have to say that to bow to the popular “bedside” interpretation is understandable. “Before my bed” is, therefore, also acceptable. 
* Line 2: The first “it” can be deleted from between “Be” and “frost” but I prefer its retention. I had considered “guess” but have decided for “suppose”.
* Line 3: I have chosen to translate 頭 “head” as “eyes” to make it possible for me to compress the pentameter (5 feet) “I raise my head to eye the silvery moon, then” which is what the original poem says, into a tetrameter (4 feet) “I lift my eyes towards the silvery moon, then”
* Line 4: I had used “brooding” which is on the dark side, but have now decided for “musing” which is natural, neutral and ambiguous.

POSTSCRIPT I (5.12.2008):  I now have second thoughts on this new translation and have revised lines 2, 3 and 4. The poem now reads:-

1  Before my bed, the moonlight so bright,
2  Be it frost aground, I suppose it might.
3  I raise my head, the moon for to behold, then
4  Lower it, brooding -- I'm homesick tonight.

Sorry, I have now deleted the word "for" in line 3 which now reads: "I raise my head the moon to behold, then".

ORIGINAL POST (4.12.2008)

The following is probably the most popular Chinese quatrain. It is by Li Bai (or Li Po) of the Tang dynasty. The title is "Night Thoughts" or "Thoughts at Night". My first attempt was in June last year which I found unsatisfactory. This is my second attempt (the first attempt is in the notes).

Li Bai (701--762): Night Thoughts

1  Before my bed, the moonlight so bright,
2  Be frost on the ground, I suppose it might.
3  I raise my head and the moon I behold, then
4  I lower it, brooding: I’m homesick tonight.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發
27th November 2008 (revised 28.11.08)
Translated from the original - 李白: (靜)夜思

1  床前明(看)月光
2  疑是地上霜
3  舉頭望明(山)月
4  低頭思故鄉

Notes:-

* The original poem is in 5-character lines. This English rendition is in tetrameter (4 metrical feet). The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original. Below is an older translation of mine penned last year in June and revised in December. It is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) and features two couplets (rhyme scheme AABB):-

Li Bai (701--762): Thoughts in the Still of the Night

1 So luminous is the moonlight on the floor before my bed,
2 And so white that, apparently, the ground is frosted instead.
3 I raise my head to gaze at the moon, o’er the hilltop, so bright;
4 I drop it in thoughts of my homeland, in the still of the night, tonight.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
6 June 2007 (revised 9.6.07; 3.12.07; 5.12.07)

* Title and lines 3 and 4 of the old translation: Popularly entitled 夜思, but older versions entitle it 靜夜思, with the additional character 靜 (still, quiet, silent, etc.), hence, the old title “Thoughts in the Still of the night” and the addition of “in the still of the night, tonight” to line 4 of the old translation. Older versions of the poem feature 山月(hill + moon) instead of 明月(bright moon). The old translation of line 3 covers both meanings.

* Line 2: The word “it” appeared twice in draft. I have now deleted the “it” between “Be” and“frost”. I had considered “guess” but have decided for “suppose”.

* Line 4: I had considered “musing” but have decided for “brooding”.

李白 Li Bai: 贈汪倫 To Wang Lun

Below is my rendition of Li Bai's "To Wang Lun" which is a beautiful friendship poem. You will notice that I have discarded the original rendition which was in couplets inconsistent with Tang poetry.

Li Bai (701—762): To Wang Lun

1  A boat I have boarded, Li Bai am I, and I’m all set to go,
2  When suddenly from on shore a din I hear, of stomping and singing I know.
3  The water in the Pool of Peach Blossoms is as deep as a thousand feet,
4  Deep not as the parting sentiments, to me, Wang Lun, you show.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)         譯者: 黃宏發
26 May 2007 (revised 27.5.07; 5.12.07; 13.12.07; 22.2.08)
Translated from the original - 李白: 贈汪倫

1  李白乘舟將欲行
2  忽聞岸上踏歌聲
3  桃花潭水深千尺
4  不及汪倫送我情

Notes:-
* This English rendition is in heptameter (7 metrical feet) to emulate the original 7-character lines. When reading it, I suggest accenting both “all” and set” in line 1 and “Deep” and “not” in line 4. The rhyme scheme is AAXA, more demanding than the original XAXA.
* Line 2: I am prepared to have “stomping and singing” replaced by “tapping and singing” if it can be said that the Chinese people in Tang dynasty, or at least Wang Lun, tap-danced. An alternative is “a dancing songster”, but I am satisfied with “stomping and singing”.
* Line 4: An alternative which I first penned on 26.5.07 is “Deep not as Wang Lun’s affection, your fond/warm adieu I meet”, but it turns the rhyme scheme into AABB which sounds great, but I prefer AAXA as classical Chinese quatrains (4-line verses) follow either AAXA or XAXA with a more or less mandatory "change" in the 3rd line.

李白 Li Bai: 下江陵/ 早發白帝城 Downstream to Jiangling/ Early Departure from Baidi City

FINAL POLISHED RENDITION (August 2020)

李白: 早發白帝城/ 下江陵            

Li Bai (701-762): Early Departure from Baidi City/ Downstream to Jiangling

                 

朝辭白帝彩雲間    

At daybreak I left Baidi, in the midst of clouds aglow,

千里江陵一日還    

Three hundred miles to Jiangling, takes just a day to go.

两岸猿聲啼不住    

In the endless cries of monkeys, on banks both left and right,

輕舟已過萬重山    

I’ve sailed past a myriad clifftops, flanking my skiff below.

P 2   

POSTSCRIPT 4 (16.6.2011) Polishing line 4: I have revised "myriads of flanking mountains high and low" in line 4 to "a myriad cliff-tops o'erhanging high or low". My rendition now reads (Notes revised accordingly):-

Li Bai (701—762): Downstream to Jiangling/ Early Departure from Baidi City

1  (At dawn I left Baidi yclad in clouds aglow,)
    At daybreak I left a Baidi enwrapped in clouds aglow; (revised 30.10.17)

2  (A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes but a day to go.)
    A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes just a day to go. (revised 30.10.17)

3  In the endless cries of monkeys on banks both left and right,

4  I’ve skiffed past a myriad cliff-tops o'erhanging high or low.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者: 黃宏發  
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11; 13.6.11; 15.6.11; 16.6.11; 30.10.17) 

POSTSCRIPT 3 (15.6.2011) Latest touching up:  I have now decided to use (a) "yclad" instead of "enwrapped" in line 1, (b) "takes but a day" instead of "takes only a day" in line 2, (c) "monkeys on banks" instead of "monkeys from banks" in line 3, and (d) "flanking mountains high and low" instead of "mountains flanking me high or low" in line 4. This latest version is as follows (the notes are accordingly revised):-

Li Bai (701—762): Downstream to Jiangling/Early Departure from Baidi City

1   At dawn I left Baidi enwrapped in clouds aglow,

2  A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes only a day to go.

3   In the endless cries of monkeys from banks both left and right,

4   I’ve skiffed past myriads of mountains flanking me high or low.  

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11; 13.6.11) 

          POSTSCRIPT 2 (13.6.2011) Further revisions to Lines 3 and 4:  I now consider my original "row after row" or "row following row" formulation totally misguided as explained in my notes revised up to today (13.6.2011). My further revised version is as follows:- 

Li Bai (701—762): Downstream to Jiangling/Early Departure from Baidi City

1  At dawn I left Baidi yclad in clouds aglow,

2  A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes but a day to go.

3  In the endless cries of monkeys on banks both left and right,

4  I’ve skiffed past myriads of flanking mountains high and low
.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者: 黃宏發

23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11; 13.6.11; 15.6.11)

POSTSCRIPT 1 (10.6.2011) Latest revisions:  I have revised my rendition of this famous poem by 李白 Li Bai first posted here on 28.1.2008. There are two alternative titles to the poem. I have translated one 下江陵 as "Downstream to Jiangling" and the other 早發白帝城 as "Early Departure from Baidi City". I have also revised and expanded my notes which follow my translation. I do hope you will find this an improved version:-

Li Bai (701—762): Downstream to Jiangling/Early Departure from Baidi City

1   At dawn I left Baidi enwrapped in clouds aglow,

2   A thousand miles to Jiangling, takes only a day to go.

3   In the endless calls of monkeys coming from bank to bank,

4   I’ve skiffed past myriads of mountains row following row.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者: 黃宏發

23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08; 2.7.08; 5.9.2008; 16.12.08; 18.2.09; 26.6.09; 10.6.11)

ORIGINAL POST (28.1.2008):

So far I have translated the following poems.  (Added 9.11.2013: As this was my very first post on my then newly created blog, I gave a brief progress of my work since mid 2007 by listing out, by poet, title and first line, some 11 poems I had translated.  The list is now deleted so as not to crowd the page.)

Here, I wish to share with you the full text of the first of my translated poems as follows:-

Li Bai: Downstream to Jiangling/Early Start from Baidi City

1  At daybreak I leave Baidi amidst clouds aglow,
2  A thousand miles to Jiangling is a mere day's flow.
3  Whilst monkeys cry incessantly from bank to bank,
4  I've skiffed past a myriad mountains row after row

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa).    譯者: 黃宏發
23 January 2008 (revised 24.1.08)
Translated from the original - 李白:下江陵/早發白帝城

1  朝辭白帝彩雲間
2  千里江陵一日還
3  兩岸猿聲啼不住
4  輕舟已過萬重山

[Please note I have not decided if the third line should read "In the unceasing cries of monkeys from bank to bank," and if "monkeys" should be replaced by "gibbons".]

Notes (revised and expanded up to 10.6.2011, further revised up to 13.6, then 15.6.2011 and 16.6.2011):-

* This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) whilst the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA (or AAXA) as in the original.

* Title and lines 1 and 2: I am grateful to 許淵冲 Xu Yuanzhong (XYZ) of Peking University who graciously met me on 3^rd December 2008. On the question of proper names, he suggested to me that the Chinese place names should best be omitted. It seems he has taken the advice of my mentor John A. Turner (who taught me poetry in 1961-62) one step further (please see pp. xxxii-xxxiv of his “A Golden Treasury of Chinese Poetry”, Hong Kong: The Chinese Univ. of Hong Kong Press, 1989.) XYZ’s rendition which he entitled “Leaving the White Emperor Town at Dawn” can be found in his “Bilingual Edition 300 Tang Poems”, Beijing: Higher Education Press, 2000 p. 191. Notwithstanding my preference for the original place names, I can use “the castle/citadel/city” to replace “Baidi” (XYZ has used “White Emperor”) and “down the Gorges” or simply “downstream” to replace “Jiangling” (XYZ has used “through canyons”). I am afraid I find it impossible to do the same for the two titles of the poem.

* Line 1: I have now decided to use “dawn” instead of “daybreak” and have changed “leave” to “left” to make clear that dawn is past I had used “amidst clouds aglow”, then considered “yclad (meaning clothed) in clouds aglow”, “in a canopy of clouds aglow”, and decided for “enwrapped in clouds aglow”. I have now changed my mind in favour of "yclad".

* Line 2: Although the Chinese mile 里 “li” is about one third of a mile (according to the 1929 official standards) and the distance between Baidi and Jiangling is actually about 300 miles, yet I do love the hyperbole of “A thousand miles” and have no wish to be as precise as “Three hundred miles” or as loose as “Hundreds of miles”. I had penned “is a mere day’s flow”, then considered “is but a day’s flow” and “is just a day’s flow” and, alternatively, “takes but a day to go” and “takes just a day to go”, and have now decided for “takes only a day to go”. I have now changed my mind in favour of "takes but a day to go".

* Line 3: I had first penned the line as “Whilst monkeys cry incessantly from bank to bank”, considered “Whilst monkeys cry incessantly on banks left and right”, “In the unceasing cries of monkeys from banks left and right”, “In the endless din of monkeys calling from bank to bank”, “In the endless cries of monkeys calling from bank to bank” and “In the endless calls of monkeys coming from bank to bank”, and have now decided for "In the endless cries of monkeys on banks both left and right".

* Line 4: Although I had considered the word “sailed”, I decided for “skiffed” which sounds much speedier. The noun “skiff” 輕舟, which I need to include, can according to the Shorter Oxford Dictionary be used as a verb. I had considered “skiffed through’ to replace “skiffed past” so as to make certain the syllable “past” (or “through” if chosen) is not read stressed, but have decided it unnecessary. I had first penned “row after row” to end the poem, then revised it to “row following row”, in order to complete the 6-foot meter and the "-ow" rhyme. I now consider "row after row" totally misguided as sailing downstream though the Three Gorges, one can only see two rows of mountains or cliffs or bluffs or escarpments flanking the river. I, therefore, decided to re-write the line. I considered "I've skiffed past myriads of mountains flanking me high or low", then "I've skiffed past myriads of cliffs o'erhanging high and low", then decided for "I've skiffed past myriads of flanking mountains high and low", but have now decided to re-write it as "I've skiffed past a myriad cliff-tops o'erhanging high or low".