李白 Li Bai: 秋浦歌 17首 其14 (1- 爐火照天地) Song of Qiupu 14 of 17 (1--Their furnace fire illumes both earth and sky)

Here, we have a rare and unique poem by the poet immortal Li Bai---in praise of labour, in praise of smelters in particular and of working men in general without using in the original poem, a single word of praise on labour, on smelting and on the workers. This English rendition of mine falls short of his very high standard, not far short, I hope, as I have only spelt out the "smelters". I do hope you will enjoy it.

My rendition was first posted 3 days ago last Friday on my HKEJ blog (link at top right corner of this page) . I wish to take this opportunity to thank all fellow bloggers who have contributed to that blog and this. It was they on the other blog that goaded me to take on the translation of this particular poem in the first place. Here is my rendition slightly revised:-

Li Bai (701-762): Song of Qiupu 14 of 17 (1- Their furnace fire illumes both earth and sky)

1  Their furnace fire illumes both earth and sky,

2  Red sparks spiking its purple smoke awry.

3     A night in clear moonlight, the red-faced smelters,

4    Their songs bestir the wintry stream nearby.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發

20^th July 2011 (revised 30.7.11)
Translated from the original - 李白: 秋浦歌 17首 其14 (1- 爐火照天地)

1      爐火照天地

2      紅星亂紫煙

3      赧郎明月夜

4      歌曲動寒川

Notes:-

* This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) while the original is in 5-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AAXA while the original’s is XAXA.

* Line 1: I had considered “The furnace fire lights up the earth and sky” but have decided for “Their furnace fire illumes both earth and sky”. The order of 天地 “sky” and “earth” is reversed as “earth and sky” sounds so much better and also as to start the rhyme with “sky”.

* Line 2: I had originally begun the line with "Its red sparks" but have now decided for simply "Red sparks". I had considered “poking” but have now decided to use “spiking”.

* Line 3: I have reversed the order of the 2 halves of the line. For 明月夜, I had considered “On this a moonlit night” which is clearly inferior to “A night in clear moonlight”. For 赧郎 (red-faced men), I have decided to abandon literal translations such as “the men, red-faced”, “the men, all flushed” and “their faces, all red/flushed” to make plain those men are not just men, not even just workers, but smelters, hence, “the red-faced smelters”.

* Line 4: I had considered using “work songs”, but with “smelters” spelt out in line 3, I can simply use “songs”. I have added “nearby” to end the rhyme. The addition is reasonable as smelting requires water close by.

温庭筠 Wen Tingyun: 更漏子 (1- 玉爐香) Geng Lou Zi (Clepsydra, or Water Clock) (1- A jadite incense burner)

This is my latest translated work. This "long-short lined lyric" poem (or "ci" 詞) by the great late Tang dynasty poet Wen Tingyun is of the autumn sentiments of a woman left at home. Although the cause is not apparent in the poem, one can reasonably imagine the husband at war. Whether or not a war weary poem, it beautifully portrays the love they share or, at least, the deep love of hers. Here is my rendition:-

Wen Tingyun (812-870): Geng Lou Zi (Clepsydra, or Water Clock) - Autumn Sentiments

1    A jadite incense burner,

2    Red wax, in tears, aglow,

3       Lights up, in the hall, a face immersed in autumn sorrow.

4    Her painted eyebrows waned,

5       Her hair no more well groomed,

6      To a long night of a cold bed she’s doomed.

7      The phoenix tree now stripping,

8    From midnight drizzles dripping,

9      They know not her heart, the pains of separation a-ripping.

10  A leaf follows a leaf,

11   A plop echoes a drop,

12  Till morn unslept, onto empty steps they plop.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者: 黃宏發

7^th July 2011 (revised 8.7.11; 12.7.11)
Translated from the original - 温庭筠: 更漏子 - 秋意

1    玉爐香

2       紅蠟淚

3    偏照畫堂秋思

4       眉翠薄

5       鬢雲殘

6       夜長衾枕寒

7     梧桐樹

8     三更雨

9     不道離情正苦

10   一葉葉

11   一聲聲

12   空階滴到明

Notes:

* In this English rendition, I have used trimeter (3 metrical feet) for the original 3-character lines, hexameter (6 feet) for 6-character lines, and pentameter (5 feet) for 5-character lines. The rhyme scheme is XAAXBB, CCCXDD as in the original. Though not apparent in current Chinese pronunciation, lines 2 淚 and 3 思 do rhyme as being in the “置” rhyme, and lines 7 樹, 8 雨 and 9 苦 also rhyme as being in the”遇” rhyme.

* Line 1: I had variously considered “Jadite, the incense burner”, “A jadite burner of incense”, “Incense in a jadite censer” and “Incense from a jadite burner”, but have decided for the plain “A jadite incense burner”.

* Line 2: I had considered “Red candles, in tears, aglow”, but have decided to literally translate the synecdoche in the original Chinese as “wax”. I have added “aglow” which is not in the original line 2 but implied in line 3 so as to rhyme with “sorrow” in line 3.

* Line 3: 偏照 is translated as “lights up” to follow on from “aglow” in line 2. I have interpreted 秋思 not per se as “autumn sentiments” but as those of a lady left at home (probably by her army husband at the frontier) and, hence, rendered as “a face immersed in autumn sorrow”.

* Lines 4 and 5: I had considered but rejected “Her painted brows have waned,/ Her hair by now ungroomed” and “Her painted eyebrows, now waned./ Her hair, no longer (well) groomed”.

* Line 6: 衾枕 is translated as “bed”, instead of the literal “quilt and pillow”, in the interest of a shorter 5-foot line. I have interpreted 衾枕寒 “quilt, pillow cold” to mean “sleeping alone”, hence “a cold bed” suffices. (One can either take “quilt and pillow” in the original as a synecdoche to mean “bed”, or take my “bed” as a synecdoche for the original “quilt and pillow”.) The line should be read as “pyrrhic/ spondee/ pyrrhic/ spondee/ iamb”.

* Lines 7 and 8: I have added “stripping” (line 7)” and “dripping” (line 8), which are not in the original, so as to make a rhyme for lines 7, 8 and 9 and to herald in “a leaf follows a leaf” (line 10) and “a plop echoes a drop” (line 11).

* Line 8: 三更, the third watch of the night (from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m.) is, here, translated as “midnight”. I have added “From” so as to be consistent with “Till morn” in line 12

* Line 9: The word “separation” should be read with both “se-” and “-ra-” accented.

* Line 11: As the word 聲 “sound” in the original refers to raindrops, the meaning of the line is translated as “drop” with the onomatopoeic “plop” and the verb “echoes” to translate the repetition of 聲.

* Line 12: I have added “unslept” which, though not in the original, is both reasonably implied and, more important, necessary as (a) the phrase “Till morn unslept” subtly shifts the focus back to the lady protagonist and retains the ambiguity of 空階滴到明 that, at daybreak, drizzles may not stop and may carry on which translations like “till the break of day” or “till the dawn of morn” cannot succeed, and (b) the assonance of the “ep” sound in “unslept” and “steps”

李白 Li Bai: 山中問答 Why in the Mountains

Andrew Wong's English Rendition of Li Bai "Why in the Mountains"

Here is a beautiful little poem by Tang dynasty China's "Immortal Poet" Li Bai 詩仙 李白. I hope my rendition in translation has done Li Bai justice. You may wish to note that I have (a) kept the original rhyme scheme AABA or AAXA (with the "een" rhyme to translate the original "aan" rhyme), (b) provided every line with a "caesura" or "pause" somewhere in the middle (in this case, after 3 beats) to translate the invariable and often very prominent caesura after 4 characters in the 7-character (or after 2 in the 5-character) Chinese quatrain line, and (c) used "beats" or "feet", and not "syllables", to account for the line length of the the English rendition in translating the original lines of equal length (in this case, 7-character). I am in total agreement with the late Arthur Cooper's insistence on the "caesura", but differ from him in that he counts "syllables" while I count "beats". His rendition of this poem can be found on p.115 of his "Li Po and Tu Fu", London: Penguin, 1973, his methodology on pp.82-83. Here is my rendition; please read aloud and enjoy Li Bai (Li Po):-

Li Bai (701-762) : Why in the Mountains (In Reply to the Uninitiated)

1 You ask O why I’ve chosen to live in the mountains green;

2 I smile without replying, my heart sedate, serene.

3 Peach flowers on rivulets gambol, then ramble out of sight; ’tis

4 Heaven and earth with a difference, not of the world we’d been.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黄宏發

7^th November 2008 (revised10.11.08; 14.11.08; 17.11.08: 12.4.10)
Translated from the original - 李白:  山中問答(答俗人)

1 問余何事(意)棲碧山

2 笑而不答心自閒

3 桃花流水杳然去

4 別有天地非人間

Notes:

* The original poem is in 7-character lines; this English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet). The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.

* Title and lines 1 and 2: My interpretation of the poem is that of the poet “thinking to himself”, not a real dialogue or conversation, hence, my title “Why in the Mountains” and, hence, lines I and 2 can, alternatively, begin as “If you ask” and “I would smile” respectively.

* Line 1: The words “I’ve chosen” or “I choose” are not in the original but can be reasonably inferred. The addition provides a much needed break/pause/caesura to the line, and “I’ve chosen” does the job better than “I choose”.

* Line 2: I had considered “I smile in reply speechless” and have decided “speechless” too strong, hence, out of place for the “heart, sedate, serene”.

* Line 3: I had used “peach petals” but have now decided for “peach flowers”. I have chosen to use “peach flowers” rather than “rivulets” or both as the subject, hence, “(peach flowers on rivulets) … gambol … ramble” to translate 流 and 去.

* Line 4: I have used “not of the world we’d been” to mean “not of the world we men had been” to translate 非人間. Alternatively, “been” can be changed to “seen”.

李煜 Li Yu: 相見歡 (林花謝了春紅): Xiang Jian Huan (Happy Together) ( Flower groves have shed their spring red halo)

POSTSCRIPT (22.1.2018):  I have now (1) simplified the title by deleting "Wu Ye Ti (Crows Caw at Night) and (2) polished the punctuation marks.  My rendition is now as follows:-

Li Yu (937-978): Xiang Jian Huan (Happy Together) (Flower groves have shed their spring red halo)

1    Flower groves have shed their spring red halo;
2    Oh, far too soon to go!
3    Weathering not the morning sleets and
3a  The winds by evening blow.

4    Tears of rouge you're dripping,
5    Together our wine we're sipping;
6    Ever again in the morrow?
7    Ah, life is beset, as always, with sorrow
7a  As eastwards waters must flow.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)  譯者: 黃宏發
14 February 2011 (revised 25.2.11; 10.3.11: 30.4.11; 22.1.2018)

The original poem and the notes (revised as necessary) are in the "original post" below:-

ORIGINAL POST (6.5.11): Today I am posting my rendition of a second poem by the last emperor of the Southern Tang dynasty Li Yu known as Li Houzhu, the last poem being posted in February and March 2011. Like the last one, the difference in line lengths and the two rhymes are strictly followed and reproduced in English. Hope you enjoy it:-

Li Yu (937-978): Xiang Jian Huan/Wu Ye Ti (Happy Together/Crows Caw at Night) (1- Flower groves have shed their spring red halo)

1      Flower groves have shed their spring red halo;
2     (Oh, far too soon to go,)
       O far too soon to go, (revised 25.9.12)
3     Weathering not the morning sleets and

3a    the winds by evening blow.

4     Tears of rouge you’re dripping,

5     Together, our wine we’re sipping;

6     Ever again in the morrow?

7      (Ah, life is beset as always with sorrow)
        Ah life is beset as always with sorrow (revised 25.9.12)
7a     as eastwards waters must flow.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黃宏發

14 February 2011 (revised 17.2.11; 21.2.11; 24.2.11; 25.2.11; 10.3.11; 30.4.11)
Translated from the original - 李煜: 相見歡/烏夜啼 其二 (1- 林花謝了春红)

1        林花謝了春红

2        太怱怱

3     無奈朝來寒雨

3a   晚來風

4     胭脂淚

5     相留醉

6     幾時重

7     自是人生長恨

7a   水長東

Notes:-

* Form, Metre and Rhyme:  This English rendition is in long and short lines, tetrameter (4 feet) for the 6-character lines (1, 3 and 7) and trimeter (3 feet) for the 3-character lines (2, 3a, 4, 5, 6 and 7a). The rhyme scheme is AAA, BBAA (or, if lines 3 and 7 were regarded as 2 lines each, AAXA, BBAXA). I am indebted to my friend D.C. Lau (Din Cheuk) 劉殿爵 (passed away 2010, God bless his soul!) for his rendition of this poem the editor has entitled “To ‘Crows Cry in the Night’ No. 1” in Alice W. Cheang (ed.) “A Silver Treasury of Chinese Lyrics” Hong Kong: The Chinese University 2003, p. 28. From him, I have borrowed “too soon” (line 2), “tears of rouge” (line 4), “ever…again” (line 6), and “always beset” (line 7a).

* Lines 1 and 2: I had originally written “Flowers in the groves have lost their springtime glow”, then decided to move the idea and the word 春 “spring” from line 1 to line 2 (“Oh spring, too soon to go”) in order to restrict line 1 to 4 feet (“Flowers in the groves have lost their glow”), but have now decided for “Flower groves have shed their spring red halo”. I am grateful to D.C. Lau for the repeated “oo” sound in “too soon” to translate 怱怱.

* Lines 3 and 3a: The lines are in fact a single 9-character line with a caesura breaking it into 6 and 3 characters rendered as a 7-foot line of 4 feet followed by 3.

* Line 4: I am grateful to D.C. Lau for rendering 胭脂淚 aptly and beautifully as “tears of rouge”, rouge being a red colour facial makeup. Though not in the original, I have added the very reasonable “dripping” to make it possible to rhyme lines 4 and 5.

* Line 5: For 相留, I had originally penned “Onto”, then considered “Mingling with”, “Commingling with” and “Tingeing”, but have now decided simply for “Together”. 醉 is interpreted not as “drunk” but as “to drink wine” and is rendered as “our wine we’re sipping”.

* Line 6: I am grateful to D.C. Lau for his interpretation of 幾時 not as “when” but as “ever” and his choice of “again” for 重. The line, in his words, reads “Will this ever be again?” My “Ever again” is an abbreviation of “Will this ever be again in the morrow?” or “Will we ever meet again in the morrow?” I have used “in the morrow” to mean not just “tomorrow” but a “morrow” extended to the future.

*Lines 7 and 7a: Structurally, these correspond to lines 3 and 3a and are similarly rendered. I take 自是 to mean “what follows is true” and simply translate it as “Oh” or“Ah” to be followed by the truism. I had originally considered formulating the line as “Oh, mine is a life, etc.”, but have now decided to borrow D.C. Lau’s “always beset with” followed by “sorrow”. The “sorrow” rhyme is accidental as I regard “grief” too weak and “woe” too strong (which also rhymes). For line 7a “as eastwards waters must flow”, I had considered revising “waters” to read “rivers”, but have now decided against it.

賀知章 He Zhizhang: 回鄉偶書 Coming Home - Fortuitous Lines

I have recently been asked by a reader who read my November 2008 post of my rendition of He Zhizhang's "Ode to the Willow" if I had also rendered other poems by the same poet. I happen to have done just one more and this happens to be the poem the reader is after. So, here is my rendition of He Zhizhang's "Coming Home" and the history of my struggle to get it right, knowing full well that translation is never a finished business.  I hope you do enjoy it:-

He Zhizhang (659-744): Coming Home: Fortuitous Lines I (1st line - I left home young…)

1  I left home young, now old, I return care free;

2  (My tongue unchanged, my hair now thinner be.)
    My tongue unchanged, my hair though thinner be. (revised 10.11.2017)
3  Unknown am I to the boys and girls I meet;

4   Smiling they ask, “Sir, from whence come thee?”

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者: 黃宏發

2 March 2008 (revised 18.3.08; 23.3.08; 7.7.08; 21.11.08; 29.3.11)
Translated from the original - 賀知章: 回鄉偶書 其一

1 少小離家老大回

2 鄉音無改鬢毛摧(衰)

3 兒童相見不相識

4 笑問客從何處來

Notes:-

* This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) whilst the original poem features 7-charcter lines throughout. The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original

* History of this rendition: I am indebted to Sy Yinchow 施頴洲 for his rendition of the same poem he entitled “Notes on Homecoming” on pp. 26-27 of his ”Tang and Song Poetry: Chinese-English” (中英對照讀唐詩宋詞), Taipei: Chiuko (台北: 九歌), 2006, in particular, for his slant (“fuzzy”?) rhyme words of “home(1), grown(2), and from(4)” which are, perhaps, appropriate as the original Chinese rhyme words of “回(1) 摧/衰(2) 來(4)” as pronounced today are less than perfect. On the basis of his rhyme words, my first draft of 25.2.2008 was as follows:

1    In youth, I left, now aged, I’ve come home,

2    My tongue unchanged, my hair thinner grown.

3        Unknown am I, to the children I meet,

4    Smiling they ask, “Where are you from?”

I liked it much, but continued to work on the “perfect” rhyme and came to a revised version on 23.3.08 which featured two pentameter (5 metrical feet) lines followed by two tetrameter (4 metrical feet) lines as follows:

1 In youth I left, now old, I return carefree,

2 My tongue unchanged, my hair thinner be.

3 Unknown am I to the children I meet,

4 Smiling they ask, “From whence come thee?”

I continued to revise it and came to a new revised version on 21.11.08 which was in pentameter (5 metrical feet) as follows:

1 In youth I left, now old, I return carefree,

2 My tongue unchanged, my hair thinner be.

3 Unknown am I to the boys and girls I meet,

4 Smiling they ask, “Sir, from whence come thee?”

Now, after a lapse of two and a half years, I have further touched up this revised version of my rendition which is as presented in the text.

* Line 1: He Zhizhang in fact did return to his native place on his retirement at well over 80 years of age and the poem was written on his return, hence, “now old, I return care free”, “care free” or alternatively “a retiree” being added for the rhyme.

* Line 2: To translate 鄉音, I had considered borrowing the word “brogue” from my mentor John Turner’s rendition of the same poem he entitled “Homecoming” on p.27 of his “A Golden Treasury of Chinese Poetry”, Hong Kong: Renditions Books, The Chinese University of H.K., 1989, but decided “tongue” goes better with “hair”.

* Line 3: I can obviously use “see”, which is literally equivalent to見, to end the line. I have chosen “meet” because it is closer to相見 than “see” and, more important, because I wish to maintain the AABA rhyme scheme.

李煜 Li Yu: 浪淘沙 (新修訂本) Lang Tao Sha (Newly Revised Version)

My rendition of this famous long-short-lined poem (詞 "ci" or "tz'u) by the last ruler of the Southern Tang dynasty 李後主 Li Yu 李煜 was first posted on this blog some 3 weeks ago simultaneously on this and my other blog www.hkej.com (please click "pen on paper" logo at right hand top corner). The response was overwhelming and I have indeed learned a lot from the discussion that ensued. Above all, it triggered me to take a serious second look at my first rendition which I completed rather hastily in only 3 days. To my chagrin, I found I might indeed have misjudged the situation the poet-king was in, misinterpreted the tone of the poem and rendered and/or added words which are impolitic. This is why I am posting my rendition afresh on this and my other blog, this time this newly revised version.

I take this opportunity to thank all bloggers on both blogs. I think I have conceded to practically all the points they have made and revised my rendition accordingly though not necessarily for the same reasons, as will be seen in the notes. I thank blogger [TJPete] for taking me to task on my uncalled for reference to Milton's "Paradise Lost" and "Paradise Regained" which I have now dropped.

I must thank, in particular, Professor Xu Yuanchong (XYZ) of Peking University. It was his "commentary" (pp. 361-3 in his "On Chinese Verse in English Rhyme" that had led me into wrongly (as I see it now) interpreting 天上 "heaven" 人間 "men's world/earth" as in contrast. But it is his own "rendition of the poem" (supra) that has opened my eyes to the subtleties of the poem. Note in particular his rendering 身是客 in line 4 as "under hospitable roof" and 春去也 天上人間 in lines 9 and 10 as "spring's gone away, so has the paradise of yesterday".

Here I give you my newly revised version:-

Li Yu (937-978): Lang Tao Sha (Waves Scouring the Sands): Reminiscence

1     Outside the curtains, a mizzling, drizzling rain,

2   Spring is on the wane,

3   The chills of foredawn, my silk quilt cannot long sustain.

4   In dream unaware I’m none but a guest of the emperor’s, I cling

5   A while to pleasures vain.

6   (From leaning alone by the railings I must refrain,)

     Alone, from gazing afar I must refrain, 
     (revised 10.3.11)

7   Fair is that rivered terrain,

8   A land I left so lightly, so hard to return to again.

9   Like blossoms scattered on rippling waters, spring is gone!

10 May heaven on earth remain!

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發

8^th February 2011 (revised 9.2.11; 10.2.11; 17.2.11; 26.2.11; 28.2.11)

Newly revised: 28^th February 2011 (revised 1.3.11);-

Translated from the original - 李煜: 浪淘沙 懷舊

1   簾外雨潺潺

2   春意闌珊

3   羅衾不耐五更寒

4   夢裡不知身是客

5   一晌貪歡

6   獨自莫憑欄

7   無限江山

8   别時容易見時難

9   流水落花春去也
10 天上人間

Notes:-

* The original poem is in 2 stanzas of long and short lines with an identical 5-4-7-7-4 (characters) pattern and an identical AAAXA rhyme scheme, represented diagrammatically as: 5A/ 4A/ 7A/ 7X/ 4A// 5A/ 4A/ 7A/ 7X/ 4A//. In this English rendition, I have used pentameter (5 feet) for the two 5-character lines, trimeter (3 feet) for the four 4-character lines and hexameter (6 feet) for the four 7-character lines with the same AAAXA rhyme scheme, the diagrammatic representation for reference being: 5A/ 3A/ 6A/ 6X/ 3A// 5A/ 3A/ 6A/ 6X/ 3A// (I have been able to use a single rhyme for both stanzas without having to use a different rhyme for the second stanza as I did for Yue Fei’s “Man Jiang Hong”.) I wish to record my indebtedness to 施頴洲 for the rhyme words of “rain”, “wane” and “vain” in his rendition of the same poem he entitled “In Captivity (Tune: Waves Washing Sand)” on pp.184-185 of his ”Tang and Song Poetry: Chinese-English” (中英對照讀唐詩宋詞), Taipei: Chiuko (台北: 九歌), 2006.

* Line 1: For the word 簾 “curtain”, I had originally used “window” on the ground that “curtain/screen” can and should, in this context, be taken as a synecdoche to stand for 窗 “window”, but have now decided to use “curtains”. For the onomatopoeiac 潺潺 I have used the “-izzling” sound in two different words instead of repeating either “mizzling” or “drizzling”

* Line 2: I had originally penned “Springtide, on the wane” but have now decided for “Spring is on the wane” to pave the way to the final categorical “spring is gone” in line 9.

* Line 3: 五更 (5^th watch/period) is the last period (3 to 5 a.m.) in the ancient Chinese system of night watches (1^st 7 to 9 p.m., 2^nd 9 to 11 p.m., 3^rd 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., and 4^th 1 to 3 a.m.) and is the period just before dawn. I had originally used “of foredawn” (the word foredawn found only in American dictionaries, as far as I gather) which best fits 五更 and sounds so much better than the coined word “pre-dawn”. I then decided to use “before dawn”, but have now decided to revert to “foredawn”. Although I have decided for “The chills of foredawn”, “The chills before dawn” is equally acceptable to me.

* Line 4: I had added “of my captor’s” to qualify 客 “guest” so as to make clear the true meaning of the line and penned “I’m none but a guest of my captor’s”. I then decided to add “king no more” to the line to replace “none”, thus: “I’m king no more but a guest of my captor’s”. Then, bearing in mind the poet only says 身是客 “myself as a guest” in the original, words to be added by the translator, if at all necessary, must be discreet lest they run contrary to the non-offensive formulation in the original. I then considered “I’m lord no more but a guest in cloisters” and “I’m none but a cloistered guest of the emperor’s”as the poet was under house arrest, and then “I’m none but an honoured/noble guest of the emperor’s” as the poet was given the title of “king” 王 by the emperor 皇. In the end, I have simply decided for “I’m none but a guest of the emperor’s”.

* Line 5: I have added “vain” for the rhyme to end the line, but which carries through the “dream” of line 4 and the futility of it all. I had originally penned “For a while, I while in vain”, then changed it to “I while a while in vain”. I then considered the more faithful rendition of “A moment’s pleasures in vain”, but have decided for “I cling/ Awhile to pleasures vain” with “I cling” moved up to line 4.

* Line 6: 憑欄 literally means “leaning/standing by the railings” and was originally translated as such. I had, however, interpreted and translated it as 遠眺 literally “looking afar” and had penned “Looking afar, alone, from that I refrain”, then “Alone, from looking afar, I must refrain”, but have now decided to revert to my original translation to retain the ambiguity, thus: “From leaning alone by the railings I must refrain”.

* Line 7: 無限 literally “infinite/infinitely” is interpreted not as (無限)大 literally “big/vast” but as (無限)美 literally “fair” and translated as such. For 江山 “rivers and mountains”, I had originally penned “(Fair) was my terrain, domain”, then “(Fair) was my kingdom’s terrain”, but have now decided for “(Fair) is that rivered terrain” being closer to the original. (Shorter Oxford defines “rivered” as “watered by rivers, furnished with a river or rivers”.) The avoidance of words like “domain” and “kingdom” together with changing “was” to “is”and “my” to “that” help maintain the subtlety of the original.

* Line 8: I had originally adapted 别 (literally “part with”) and (再)見 (literally “see again”) to mean “losing” and “regaining” the kingdom, and translated them as “paradise”, “lost” and “regain”. Although I said in the note: just borrowing from the titles of John Milton’s “Paradise Lost” and “Paradise Regained”, I was taken to task, and rightly, by a blogger [TJPete]. I now humbly concede that the reference is unnecessary, irrelevant and distracting, not just what is said in the note, but the very words “paradise”, “lost” and “regain” all bundled together in a single line, should have been avoided to preclude confusion. In addition, the “lost, regain” sentiment, though present in the line, is a hidden one which should only be intimated but not spelt out. I have now decided to revert to a less interpretative translation, thus: “A land I left so readily, so hard to return to again”.

* Line 9: For 流水落花 literally “running waters, falling/fallen flowers”, I had considered variously “Fallen flowers on rippling waters”, “Fallen petals on rippling waters”, “Blossoms falling, waters rippling” and “Like petals falling on waters rippling”, decided to use “With blossoms falling on rippling waters”, but have now decided to revise it as “Like blossoms scattered on rippling waters”.

* Line 10: This is the most difficult line to translate. I had originally penned the line as “’Twas heav’n, now a world profane” with a fairly long note: [I think the key words … are 春去也 “spring is gone/no more” … which I take to mean no matter how beautiful spring was/is, it is gone and forever gone … This leads us to interpret天上人間 not as a past “heaven on earth” … but as a past 天上 “heaven/paradise” diametrically opposed to the present 人間 “men’s world on earth”, thus, “’Twas heav’n, now men’s world”, to which I have added “profane” (meaning, inter alia, unholy, sacrilegious, common, vulgar) to complete the rhyme and to make plain my interpretation of the sentiments of this last king-poet of the Li family line … (then) shorten(ed) … to “now a world profane”.]

Now that I have come to realize the need for the poet to vent his sentiments very discreetly as he was under house arrest and subject to the whims of the Song emperor, I now embrace the most natural and plausible interpretation of the line as “heaven on earth” or “heavenly world” and have penned the line as a prayer: “May heaven on earth remain!”

李煜 Li Yu: 浪淘沙 懷舊 Lang Tao Sha (Waves Scouring the Sands) Reminiscence

This lament of a captive king Li Houzhu 李後主, the last ruler 後主 of the Li 李 family line's Southern Tang 南唐 dynasty in 10th century China, is my latest rendition. I am posting it simultaneously on this and my other blog at www.hkej.com. One cannot help but think of and speculate on Mubarak in Egypt. But, no politics, please!

The poem is most touching as will be seen in this and other translations. It is, in addition, beautifully structured with a single rhyme running through 8 of the 10 lines of varying length in a pattern of 5-4-7-7-4 characters per stanza. In my rendition, I have emulated this pattern. My rhyme scheme is AAAXA, AAAXA as in the original. My long-short line pattern, in terms of beats/stresses/feet, is 5-3-6-6-3 per stanza. I have not seen this done before, and shall be grateful to be able to get in touch with others who are attempting the same.

This poem and my rendition are not long, but my notes are. So, just sit back and enjoy the poem.

Li Yu (936-978): Lang Tao Sha (Waves Scouring the Sands): Reminiscence

1   Outside the window, a mizzling, drizzling rain,

2   Spring is on the wane,

3   The chills b’fore dawn, my silk quilt cannot long sustain.

4   In dream, unaware I’m none but a guest of my captor’s,

5   For a while I while in vain.

6   Alone: from looking afar, I must refrain,

7   Fair was my kingdom’s terrain,

8   A paradise lost so readily, so very hard to regain.

9   Like petals falling on rippling waters, spring is no more:

10 ‘Twas heav’n, now a world profane.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黃宏發

8^th February 2011 (revised 9.2.11; 10.2.11; 2^nd 10.2.11)
Translated from the original - 李煜: 浪淘沙 懷舊

1   簾外雨潺潺

2   春意闌珊

3   羅衾不耐五更寒
4  夢裡不知身是客

5   一晌貪歡

6   獨自莫憑欄

7   無限江山

8   别時容易見時難

9   流水落花春去也

10 天上人間

Notes:-

* This English rendition is in long and short lines, pentameter (5 feet) for the two 5-character lines (1 and 6), trimeter (3 feet) for the four 4-character lines (2, 5, 7 and 10), and hexameter (6 feet) for the four 7-character lines (3, 4, 8 and 9). The rhyme scheme follows the original AAAXA, AAAXA. I have been able to use a single rhyme for the entire poem of 2 stanzas without having to use a different rhyme for the second stanza as I did for Yue Fei’s “Man Jiang Hong”. I wish to record my indebtedness to 施頴洲for the rhyme words of “rain”, “wane”and “vain” in his rendition of the same poem he entitled “In Captivity (Tune: Waves Washing Sand)” on pp.184-185 of his ”Tang and Song Poetry: Chinese-English” (中英對照讀唐詩宋詞), Taipei: Chiuko (台北: 九歌), 2006.

* Line 1: I had considered “curtain” but have decided for “window” as 簾 (curtain or screen) can and should be taken as a synecdoche to stand for 窗 (window). This choice is due in part to my conscious decision not to feature in rendition any internal rhyme of the “-ain” sound for reasons explained in my notes on lines 7 and 8, and extended, in this case, to the eye rhyme of “curtain” and “rain”. For the onomatopoeiac 潺潺 I have used the “-izzling” sound in two different words instead of repeating either “mizzling” or “drizzling”

* Line 2: I had originally penned “Springtide, on the wane” but have now decided for “Spring is on the wane” to pave the way to the final categorical “spring is no more (gone)” in line 9.

* Line 3: 五更 (5^th watch/period) is the last period (3 to 5 a.m.) in the ancient Chinese system of night watches (1^st 7 to 9 p.m., 2^nd 9 to 11 p.m., 3^rd 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., and 4^th 1 to 3 a.m.) and is the period just before dawn. I had originally used the word “foredawn” (unfortunately found only in American dictionaries, as far as I gather) which best fits 五更 and sounds so much better than the coined word “pre-dawn”. Although I have decided for “The chills b’fore dawn”, “The chills of foredawn” is equally acceptable to me.

* Line 4: I have added “of my captor’s” to qualify 客 “guest” so as to make clear the true meaning of the line. I had considered “I’m king no more, a guest of my captor’s””, but have decided for “I’m none but a guest of my captor’s” as being more faithful.

* Line 5: I have added “in vain” for the rhyme but which carries through the “dream” state of line 4,

* Line 6: 憑欄 literally “leaning by the railings” is interpreted and translated as 遠眺 literally “looking afar”. I had originally penned “Looking afar, alone, from that I refrain”, but have now decided for “Alone: from looking afar, I must refrain”.

* Line 7: 無限 literally “infinite” is interpreted not as (無限)大 literally “big/vast” but as (無限)美 literally “fair” and translated as such. I had considered “Fair was my terrain, domain” but have decided for “Fair was my kingdom’s terrain” as the internal rhyme may be tediously distracting.

* Line 8: 别 literally “part with” and (再)見 literally “see again” are adapted to mean “losing” and “regaining” the kingdom and translated as “paradise”, “lost” and “regain” borrowing just from the titles of John Milton’s “Paradise Lost” and “Paradise Regained”. I had considered “so hard to again regain”, but have decided for “so very hard to regain” avoiding the tedious internal rhyme of “again regain”.

* Line 9: For 流水落花 literally “running waters, fallen flowers”, I had considered “Fallen flowers on rippling waters”, “Fallen petals on rippling waters” and “Blossoms falling, waters rippling” which all begin the line with a stressed syllable. I have now decided to begin the line with an unstressed “Like” which turns the emphasis rightly to 春去也 literally spring is gone, thus, “Like petals falling on waters rippling, spring is no more”.

* Line 10: I think the key words to interpreting line 10 are 春去也 “spring is gone/no more” in line 9 meaning no matter how beautiful spring was/is, it is gone and forever gone, which meaning is fully in tune with the sentiments of all previous lines. This leads us to interpret天上人間 not as a past “heaven on earth” (this world, a heavenly paradise) the poet is reminiscing, but as a past 天上 “heaven/paradise” diametrically opposed to the present 人間 “men’s world”, thus, “’Twas heav’n, now men’s world”, to which I have added “profane” (meaning, inter alia, unholy, sacrilegious, common, vulgar) to complete the rhyme and to make plain my interpretation of the sentiments of this last king/emperor-poet of the Li family line 李後主 of the South Tang 南唐dynasty. After due consideration, I have decided to shorten “now men’s world profane” to “now a world profane”.