李紳 Li Shen: 憫農/古風 2首 其1 (1- 春種一粒粟) Pity the Peasants/Ancient Air, 1 of 2 (1- Each grain of millet sown in spring)

This is the first but the less popular of the 2 quatrains written by the late Tang dynasty poet Li Shen 李紳 on the plight of the farming peasants.  The first two lines of the poem make up a statement that a grain planted will produce many grains, hinting at an abundant harvest.  The turning point of the 起(begin)承(follow)轉(turn)結/合(conclude) is line 3 which, in the original, is simply written as another statement that there are no idle fields in the land, which may lead to a happy ending, yet here, ironically leads to grim death   In the poem, Li Shen has not made plain why peasants were still starving to death.  He does not have to.  One can well imagine: greedy, oppressive landlords, exorbitant taxes, and the fact that there can be no food before harvest.

Although my English rendition is largely iambic (daDUM) and anapestic (dadaDUM), I have rendered the 4th line trochaic (DUMda) to add weight to the grim conclusion.  The addition of "While" (not in the original) to line 3 makes reading easier and makes the turning point more discernible.  What do you say?  Enjoy the poem!  

Li Shen (772-846): Pity the Peasants/Ancient Air, 1 of 2

1  Each grain of millet sown in spring
2  Will by autumn harvest a myriad bring.
3  (While across the land no field lie vacant,)
    Across the land no fields lie vacant,  
    (revised 15.5.2012)
4  Peasants still found----starving, dying.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)  譯者: 黃宏發

8^th April 2010 (revised 9.4.10; 25.4.12)
Translated from the original - 李紳: 憫農/古風 2首 其1

1  春種一粒粟

2    秋收萬顆子

3    四海無閑田

4    農夫猶餓死

Notes:

*  This English rendition is in tetrameter (4 metrical feet) while the original is in 5-character lines.  Though the rhyme scheme of the original is XAXA, I have changed it to the more demanding AAXA.

*  Line 1:  I had considered “One grain” and “A grain” but have decided for “Each grain”.

*  Line 2:  I had considered “Will, by autumn, ten thousand bring” but have decided for keeping “harvest” and for using “a myriad” instead of “ten thousand”.

*  Lines 1 and 2:  In other words, “Each grain … will … a myriad (grains) bring (/yield)”.

*  Line 3:  四海, meaning 四海之内 “(land) within the four seas”, is not translated literally as such, but as “across the land”.  I have taken 閑 to mean “inactive/unused” hence, “vacant/idle” and have adopted “vacant” as the most appropriate translation.  I have considered but rejected “fallow” which original and stronger sense is not land unused, but land ploughed but left unseeded for a growing season or more for weeding and fertility purposes.

*  Line 4:  I had considered “peasants still found, in hunger, dying” but have decided for “peasants still found -- starving, dying”.

*  Lines 3 and 4:  I had originally penned the 2 lines as “Across the land no fields lie vacant, /Yet peasants still found – starving, dying.” but have now decided for “While across the land no fields lie vacant, /Peasants still found – starving, dying.”

朱慶餘 Zhu Qingyu: 近試上張水部 Submitted to Waterworks Minister Zhang as the Imperial Examinations Approach

This beautiful little poem is by the Late Tang poet Zhu Qingyu: particularly beautiful is the last line "Are my brows too bold, too light? Are they painted just right?"  Now, just sit back and enjoy the poem.   Skip the next paragraph if you do not wish to be bothered with the rather technical stuff. 

My rendition of this quatrain by was first posted on my blog in the Hong Kong Economic Journal web on 29th October 2010.  In the ensuing discussion, it was pointed out by 香江逸士 that the last word of line 1 燭 is of 仄聲 (deflected tone), then by 筆非得 (aka Flyable Pen) that 燭 therefore does not rhyme with the last words of lines 2 and 4 being 姑 and 無 which are of 平聲 (level tone) as in Chinese versification rhymes are of the same 聲 (tone) in addition to rhyming syllables.  I have checked with the same authority 喻守真's  唐詩三百首詳析 which confirms 平聲虞韻  for lines 2 and 4 only.  The original rhyme scheme is, therefore, XAXA and not AAXA as I originally claimed.  But as the 3 words concerned are pronounced "燭 zhu", "姑 gu" and "無 wu" and as AAXA is a more demanding rhyme scheme, I have decided to stick to my original rendition.  This is written to acknowledge the contributions of 香江逸士 and 筆非得.  Please see link:  http://www.hkej.com/template/blog/php/blog_details.php?)blog_posts_id=58037

Zhu Qingyu (early 800's): Submitted to Waterworks Minister Zhang (Ji) as the Imperial Examinations Approach

1        Last night in their nuptial chamber, red candles burned bright;

2        To the front hall to greet their parents, come morning’s first light.

3        Having done with her make-up, she whispers to her groom,

4        “Are my brows too bold, too light? Are they painted just right?”

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發

5th December 2009 (revised 7.12.09; 11.1.10; 24.10.10)
Translated from the original - 朱慶餘: 近試上張(籍)水部

1        洞房昨夜停紅燭

2        待曉堂前拜舅姑

3        妝罷低聲問夫婿

4        畫眉深淺入時無

Notes:

*  This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines.  The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.

*  Line 1:  I had considered “bridal” but have decided for “nuptial”.  I have added “bright”, which is not in the original, and have omitted translating 停 which means “brought into and put there and (of course) lit”, hence, “burned (or were) bright”.

*  Line 2:  Here, 舅 (literally, uncle) and 姑 (literally, aunt) mean father-in-law and mother-in-law.  I have translated this as “their parents”, parents to the groom and parents-in-law to the bride, the word “their” here follows from “their nuptial chamber” in line 1.  I had considered “at the” but have decided for “come”.

*  Line 3:  I have omitted translating 問 (ask) which is implied in the question marks in line 4.

*  Line 4:  I had considered “too dark, too light”, “too bold, too slight” and “too bold, not quite”, but have     now decided for “too bold, too light”.  I had considered “aright” and “all right”, but have decided for “just right”.

辛棄疾 Xin Qizi: 醜奴兒/ 採桑子 書博山道中壁 Chou Nu Er/ Cai Sang Zi (The Ugly Page/ Picking Mulberries) -- Written on a Wall on the Way to Boshan

This famous poem by Song dynasty poet Xin Qiji is about autumn, literally the autumn season and metaphorically, the autumn of one's life, of life approaching the end.  The theme is melancholy, yet mild and subtle, and the last line says it all.  For this, I have attempted many different renditions including "What a beautifully chilly autumn! I say, after all."  I have now revised it to "O how fair though chilly this autumn! I say, after all."  I hope this rightly captures the sentiments of the poet.  

This is the first long-short-line Chinese verse (or "ci" 詞) I ever attempted a versified and rhymed translation.  Like my rendition of Yue Fei's "Man Jiang Hong" (May 2010), I have used 2 different rhymes for the 2 stanzas.  Although in my subsequent renditions of Li Yu's (February, March and May 2011) and Wen Tingyun's (July 2011) long-short-line "ci" I have attempted a uniform rhyme for the uniformly rhymed lines which is not always possible, I do hope you will find my rhyme scheme enjoyable.

Xin Qizi (1140-1207): Chou Nu Er/ Cai Sang Zi (The Ugly Page/ Picking Mulberries) -- Written on a Wall on the Way to Boshan

1    When young I never did know the taste of woe or sorrow,

2    Up to the top floor, I loved to go;

3    Up to the top floor, I loved to go---

4    For to compose new verses, I feigned my sorrow and woe.

5    Now sorrow and woe I've tasted, and the bitterness withal,

6    To speak, I wish, and yet I stall;

7    To speak, I wish, and yet I stall---

8    O how fair though chilly this autumn! I say, after all.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)      譯者: 黃宏發

23 May 2007 (revised 18.7.07; 5.12.07; further revised with notes added 30.11.10; last line revised 28.2.12)
Translated from the original - 辛棄疾: 醜奴兒/ 採桑子 -- 書博山道中壁

1    少年不識愁滋味

2    愛上層樓

3    愛上層樓 

4    為赋新詞強說愁

5    而今識盡愁滋味 

6    欲說還休

7    欲說還休 

8    卻道天凉好個秋

Notes:

*    The original is a long-short lined verse (“ci”詞) of 2 stanzas of the same “7, 4, 4, 7-character” pattern, with the shorter lines repeated: line 2 in 3 and line 6 in 7.  The rhyme scheme is ABBB, ABBB.  This English rendition uses hexameter (6 feet) for the long lines and tetrameter (4 feet) for the short ones.  My rhyme scheme is AAAA, BBBB.  I am grateful to Lin Yutang林語堂 whose English rendition of the same poem ending his book “My Country and My People”<吾國與吾民> has inspired me not to insist on the “ci” rhyme scheme of one rhyme across stanzas, and in this case, the rhyme樓樓愁 for lines 2, 3 and 4 in stanza 1 followed by the same rhyme休休秋 for lines 6, 7 and 8 in stanza 2.  The rendition by Lin Yutang (with an ABBA, CDDC rhyme scheme) is reproduced below:-
         1  In my young days,
                 I had tasted only gladness

         2  But loved to mount the top floor,

         3  But loved to mount the top floor,

         4  To write a song pretending sadness.

         5  And now I have tasted

                 Sorrow’s flavours, bitter and sour,

         6  And can’t find a word,

         7  And can’t find a word.

         8  But merely say, “What a golden autumn hour!”

*    Line 1:  I have now revised “I knew not” to “I never did know” to make the hexameter (6 feet) complete.  I have also revised “sorrow and woe” (in this line only) to “woe or sorrow”.

     Lines 2 and 3:  I have now revised “To the floors upstairs” to “Up to the top floor”.
       

*    Lines 6 and 7:  I had added (18.7.07) “of it” after “To speak”, but have now decided to take “of it” away.

*    Lines 3 and 7:  I have revised (28.2.12) the end-of-line commas to dashes.

*    Line 8:  I had changed (18.7.07) “I merely say, What a cold and beautiful season, this fall!” to “What a chilly and beautiful autumn!  I say, after all.”, then decided (5.12.07) to describe “autumn” as “beautifully chilly” instead of “chilly and beautiful”.  I have now decided (28.2.12) to revise the line as “O how fair and chilly this autumn!  I say, after all.”

高適 Gao Shih: 除夜作 Written in the Night of New Year’s Eve

This year 2012, New Year's Day of the Chinese Lunar Calendar falls on Monday the 23rd of January. At this, the Eve of the Chinese New Year, I post here a Tang dynasty poem which suits the occasion but, hopefully suits not the happier personal circumstances of the readers. Wishing you all a prosperous Year of the Dragon.  Kung Hei Fat Choy!

Gao Shih (701-765): Written in the Night of New Year’s Eve

1   In the cold of the tavern lamplight, unslept, alone am I;

2  This heart of mine, in sojourn, turned sad, O why? I sigh.
3  Tonight, O I wish I were home, yet a thousand miles away; 

4  Come tomorrow, my hair grayed, another year’s gone by!

   
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黃宏發

27^th December 2010 (revised 28.12.10; 2.1.11; 20.1.12)
Translated from the original - 高適: 除夜作

1  旅館寒燈獨不眠

2  客心何事轉淒然

3  故鄉今夜思千里

4  霜鬢明朝又一年

Notes:

*    This English rendition is in hexameter while the original is in 7-character lines..  The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.-

*    Line 1:  For the first half of the line, I had considered “In/’Neath the cold tavern (inn/road house) lamplight/the cold lamplight of the tavern (inn/road house)”, but have decided for “In the cold of the tavern lamplight”.  For the second half, I had considered “awake” (for alliteration with “alone”) and “sleepless” (for being more faithful and for being a fashionable word) but have decided for “unslept”.  I had also considered ending the line with “I lie”, but “am I” is obviously more faithful to the original.

*    Line 2:  I have not translated 何事 as a question of “for what” but as a rhetorical question of “why” 為何 and have, therefore, added “I sigh” which is not in the original to reinforce the effect..  I had originally penned the line as “In sojourn, my heart is saddened, why, O why? I sigh.”, but have decided for the present line.

*    Line 3:  I have interpreted the line as the poet thinking of home and not as folks at home thinking of him.  I had originally penned “Tonight, my thoughts are of home, a thousand miles away”, considered rewriting it as “O tonight I long to be home, yet away a thousand miles” and have now decided for “O tonight I wish I were home, yet a thousand miles away”.  Although 千里  (thousand “li”) is only about 300 miles, I take it to be a hyperbole and have retained the word  “thousand” which is more effective than “hundreds of”

*     Line 4:  I have contracted “my hair greyed” to “m’hair greyed” in order lead one to read it as “me hair”.  I think my interpretation of 又一年 as “another year has gone (by)” is more in tune with the rest of the poem and more reasonable than “another year has come (along)”.

韋應物 Wei Yingwu: 滁州西澗 By the River to the West of Chuzhou

Today is New Year's Eve.  Tomorrow will be New Year's Day 2012, still deep in winter, may not be the right time to post a spring poem.  But when winter is here, can spring be too far away?  Here is a poem by the Tang poet Wei Yingwu which is the subject of many a Chinese painting of a boat  moored idly by the riverbank when it is raining and the waters are running swift.  It is the picture of a desolate spring.  Indeed, 2012 looks bleak.  Yet, orchids still grow, leaves still sprout, orioles still sing, and life still goes on.  The advice is: "Don't despair, just lie low." 

Wei Yingwu (739-792): By the River to the West of Chuzhou

1  (How I love the riverside, where orchid grasses grow,)

    How I love the riverside where slender grasses grow, (revised 4.1.12)

2  And from up on trees so leafy, songs of the orioles flow.

3  Spring flood and a day's rain, by dusk the river runs swift,

4  The country ferry deserted, the boat, by itself, lies low.

  

ranslated by ATndrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)      譯者: 黃宏發 

17^th June 2009 (18.6.09; 19.6.09; 6.5.11; 31.12.11)
Translated from the original - 韋應物: 滁州西澗

1   獨憐幽草澗邊生

2  上有黃鸝深樹鳴

3  春潮帶雨晚來急

4  野渡無人舟自橫

Notes:

*  This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines.  The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.

*  Title and line 1:  西澗, literally West Brook, is a river to the west of 滁州 Chuzhou in present day 安徽 Anhui province.  I have therefore chosen to translate 澗 in the title as “River” and 澗邊 in line 1 as “riverbank” or “riverside”.

*  Line 1:  憐 in this context should mean “love” as in 憐愛 and not “pity” as in 可憐 and I have chosen to interpret 獨憐 to mean “love the most” and not “alone” or “only”, hence, “How I love”.  I visualize 幽草 to be “tufts of graceful grass (can be species of flowering Chinese orchids called Cymbidium)” and not “turf” or “bunches of tall grass” or “a sea of reeds”, hence, “grassy orchids” or “orchid grasses”. 

*  Lines 1 and 2:  I am grateful to Xu Yuan-zhong for his translation of line 1 as “Alone I like the riverside where green grass grows” (rather than the more literal “Alone I like the green grass that along the riverside grows”) which links up with line 2 “And (where) golden orioles sing amid the leafy trees” so much better in terms of the meaning of the 2 lines taken together.  (Xu Yuan-zhong, et alias (eds.), “300 Tang Poems – A New Translation”, Hong Kong: Commercial Press, 1987, p. 248.)

*  Line 3:  春潮 cannot be translated as “spring tide” which means a high tide in contrast to “neap tide”.  It cannot be translated as “tide in spring” either, since there is no tide in rivers that do not pour directly into the sea.  It can only mean springtime’s flood water from thawing snow and from rain, hence, “Spring flood”.

*  Line 4:  I had used “of itself” but have now decided for “by itself”.  I have taken 橫 to mean “alongside” and not “crossing”, hence “lies low” to paint a picture of a single boat idly moored alongside the deserted countryside ferry pier.    

李白 Li Bai: 题峰頂寺(夜宿山寺) Written at the Summit Temple (Lodged for the Night at a Mountain Temple)

Yet another great poem by the poet immortal Li Bai.  Hope you will like it.

Li Bai (701-762):  Written at the Summit Temple (Lodged for the Night at a Mountain Temple)

1  Lodged for the night at the Summit Temple,

2     Can touch at arm’s reach the stars so nigh;

3     Yet dare not raise my voice in speech,

4     For fear might disturb the beings up high.

                    

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)      譯者: 黄宏發

8^th December 2009 (revised 10.12.09: 11.12.09; 12.12.09; 16.12.09; 13.4.10; 26.11.11)
Translated from the original - 李白: 題峰顶寺(夜宿山寺)

1  夜宿峰顶寺(危樓高百尺)
2  舉手捫(手可摘)星辰
3  不敢高聲語
4  恐驚天上人

Notes:-

*  This English rendition is a tetrameter (4 metrical feet) while the original is in 5-character lines.  The rhyme scheme is XAXA as in the original.

*  The 2 versions:  There are two versions to this poem.  I have chosen to translate the “题 Written” version over the “夜宿 Lodged for the Night” version (shown here in parenthesis). The version chosen was, purportedly, written by Li Bai in his mid years while the other by him as a young man.

*  Line 2:  I have interpreted the line not literally as “raise my hand to touch the stars” which would contradict lines 3 and 4, but as “can touch, at arm’s reach, the stars” (but shall refrain from doing so).  I have taken the 2 commas away and it now reads "can touch at arm's reach the stars".  I have also added “so nigh”, which is implied and is the essence of this interpretation, so as to make the “nigh(2), high(4)” rhyme.

*  Line 3:  I had considered “raise my voice when speaking’ but have decided for “raise my voice in speech”.

*  Line 4:  I have translated 驚 as “disturb” in the 驚動 (not “wake” 驚醒) sense.  I had used “of disturbing” but have now decided for “might disturb”.  I had considered “gods”, “deities”, “immortals”, “fairies”, “souls”, “populace”, etc. but have decided for “beings”, being closest to 人 “humans”.  I had considered “beings in/of the sky”, but have decided for “beings up high” with “up” covering 上 and “high” covering 天.

柳中庸 Liu Zhongyong: 征人怨 A Soldier’s Lament

This is the last day of October 2011 and I have only just realized that I have yet to do my October post. Please accept my apologies.  Here, I share with you an anti-war poem by 柳宗元 (of 江雪 "River Snow" fame) Liu Zongyuan's cousin(nephew):- 

Liu Zhongyong :  A Soldier’s Lament

1        Year on year at the frontier, by the Gold-Brook or Jade-Pass I stand;

2        Day in, day out on horseback, riding-crop, broad-sword at hand.

3        ‘Tis late in spring, the green graves, still shrouded in white, in snow;

4        The endless Yellow River, rounding this Black-Hill borderland.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黃宏發

20^th May 2010 (revised 22.5.10; 24.5.10; 26.5.10; 27.5.10; 28.5.10; 31.5.10: 2.8.10; 28.6.11)
Translated from the original - 柳中庸:  征人怨

1        歲歲金河復玉關

2        朝朝馬策與刀環

3        三春白雪歸青塚

4        萬里黃河繞黑山

Notes:

*      This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines.  The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.

*      Line 1:  I have added “at the frontier” (I had originally used “a soldier”) and “I stand” which are not in the original to make plain the meaning of the line.

*      Line 2:  I have added “on horseback” and “at hand” (not in the original) for the same reason as line 1.  I had considered “in hand” and “on hand”, but have decided for “at hand”.  I have translated 馬策 (the handle/stock of a horse-whip, a synecdoche for the horse-whip) as “riding-crop” (meaning the horse-whip but can also mean the handle/stock of the whip).  刀環  (the ring at the top of the handle/hilt of a sword) is a synecdoche for the “sword”, and I have rendered it as “broad-sword”(which I prefer over “sabre” for reason of sound, both being weapons more appropriate for battle on horseback than just sword). 

*      Line 3:  三 (three) 春 (spring)  is translated as “late in spring” as I have taken 三 not to mean “three” but the third and the last of the three spring months.  I have rendered 青塚 as “green graves” generally to refer to all who had died in battle here (and hint at the fate of those who are still alive) and have consciously avoided the legend of the grave of 王昭君 (a courtesan sent during the Han Dynasty to be married to 呼韓邪, a king 單于 of the Huns匈奴), the only grave that remained green in snow.  For 白雪 I had considered “white snow” and “the white of snow”, but have decided for “in white, in snow”.  For 歸 I had considered “rest”, “frozen”, “blanched”, “wrapped”, “clad”, “palled”, “dead”, “buried”, “lie” and “lie dead/buried”, but have decided for “shrouded”

*      Line 4:  萬 (ten thousand) 里 (miles/li), a hyperbole, is translated by another hyperbole as “endless”.  For 繞  I had considered “meandering in”, “meandering down/through”, “ringing round”, “turning at”, “entangling”, “encompassing”, “enwrapping” and “encircling”, but have decided for “rounding”.  I have added “the borderland” as I have interpreted “Black-Hill” 黑山 not to mean a particular hill/mountain but to refer to 河套 “Hetao” (literally the bend or meander of a river including the plains and plateaus on both sides of the river, in this case, the two perpendicular bends in the upper reaches of the Yellow River in Northwestern China), a region which was then the frontier.  

王維 Wang Wei: 鹿柴 The Deer Range

Earlier this morning while I was tidying up the titles of my posts, I accidentally re-posted my September 2010 post of a song by Ma Zhiyuan.  I do apologise for that.  Here is what I had wanted to post.  It is a little poem by the famed Tang dynasty poet Wang Wei, the "Poet Buddha", made all the more famous to Western readers by a little book "19 Ways of Looking at Wang Wei: How a Chinese Poem is Translated" (on 19 translations of this very poem) by Eliot Weinberger (Kingston, Rhode Island: Asphodel, 1987).  I hope you will enjoy my rendition too.  

Wang Wei (701-761):  The Deer Range

1  So hollow is the mountain, not a soul in sight;
2  Yet the sound of men talking is somehow heard despite.
3  (Into the deep, deep forest, rays of the setting sun peep,)
    Into the deep, deep forest, th' returning sun rays peep,
    (revised 14.9.11)
4  To shed again on the green moss the day's remaining light.

1  So hollow is the mountain, not a soul in sight,

2  Yet the sound of men talking is somehow heard despite.
3  (Into the deep, deep forest, rays of the setting sun peep,)

    Into the deep, deep forest, th' returning sun rays peep,
    (revised 14.9.11)
4  To shed again on the green moss the day's remaining light.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)        譯者:  黃宏發

28 February 2008 (revised 13.3.08; 17.9.08; 16.12.08; 5 9 11) (text and notes further revised 14.9.11)

Translated from the original - 王維:  鹿柴

1  空山不見人

2  但聞人語響

3  返景入深林

4  復照青苔上

Notes:-

*    This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) although the original feature 5-character lines.  The  rhyme scheme is AAXA which is also a Tang quatrain rhyme scheme more demanding than the XAXA of the original.

*    Line 1:  Instead of “desolate” and the literal “empty” for 空, I have now chosen the word “hollow”, as suggested by my friend Gabriel C.M. Yu 余志明,  which here means empty, deserted, vacant, etc.  I like it because it subtly suggests that the sound of men talking in line 2 is “hollow” too.  For 不見人 I had considered “no man to be seen”, “no man in sight” and “not a man in sight”, but have decided for “not a soul in sight”.

*    Line 2:  As “somehow” and “despite” may be redundant, I had considered but rejected using “faintly” to replace “somehow” as this might add meaning to the poem.
   

*    Line 3:  I had originally penned “Deep into the thickets” for 森林 but have now decided for “Into the deep, deep forest” to try to somehow.  I have interpreted 返景 in line 3 as 返影 (not taken to mean “shadow”, but 返回的日光 “rays of the returning sun” returning since sunrise), hence, “th' returning sun rays”.  I am grateful to Xu Yuanzhong (X.Y.Z.) for the beautifully poetic word of “peep” used in his rendition of the same poem which he entitles “The Deer Enclosure”, p.87 in X.Y.Z., et al. (eds.), “300 Tang Poems --- A New Translation”, Hong Kong: Commercial Press, 1987.  This “Into... peep" formulation beautifully translates the word 入 “enter”.

*    Line 4:  復照 is taken to simply mean “shine again”, hence, “To shed again on the green moss", and with “the day’s remaining light” added so as to complete the meaning and the rhyme.

馬致遠 Ma Zhiyuan: 天淨沙 秋思 Tian Jing Sha: "Autumn Thoughts"

This poem is a 曲 "qu" or song of the 元 Yuan Dynasty which is akin to 詞 "ci" or song of the 宋 Song Dynasty made up of long and short lines. I had earlier last May posted a Song "ci", Yue Fei's "The River All Red". This is my first attempt at a Yuan "qu". This poem is particularly challenging as it is a sheer juxtaposition of images, e.g. "dried vine(s)", "old tree(s)", "evening crow(s)" in the first line followed by more in subsequent lines. While I can simply present the images in sequence (montage?) like most faithful translators do, I have chosen to give a clear interpretation to the whole poem by adding verbs to 4 of the 5 lines. So we have "crows ... roosting", "homes of people nestling" leading up in contrast to "scrawny horse ... trudging", "sun ... setting" (verb in the original), and "wanderer ... a-roaming". "They have homes, while I don't," so to speak. In so doing, I of course run the risk of being labelled "a square peg in a round hole" or, more precisely, "an over-sized square peg fits not the round hole". But at least some consolation can be found in the "ing" rhyme in an AAAAA rhyme scheme made possible only by the addition of verbs not present but implied in the original. Please enjoy reading it out slowly, loudly.

Ma Zhiyuan (1260-1364): Tian Jing Sha (Sky Pure/Cleansed Sand): Autumn Thoughts

1  An old tree, dried vines entwined, by ev’ning crows come roosting;

2  O’er a small bridge, by a running stream, homes of people nestling.

3  On an old road, in the autumn wind, a scrawny horse keeps trudging;
4  The sun slanting, to the west setting ---

5  Heart-torn, lovelorn, the wanderer, to the verge of the sky a-roaming.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黄宏發

18^th August 2010 (revised 19.8.10; 20.8.10; 6.9.10)
Translated from the original - 馬致遠: 天淨沙: 秋思

1 枯藤老樹昏鴉

2 小橋流水人家

3 古道西風瘦馬
4 夕陽西下

5 斷腸人在天涯

Notes:

* The original is in 5 lines with the first 3 lines in 6 characters, the 4th a 4-character line and the last line back to 6 characters. The rhyme scheme is AAAAA with an “a” or “ah” rhyme. (It should be noted that although the last word in the last line is pronounced “ngai” in Cantonese, it is “ya” in Putonghua.). My English rendition emulates the pattern of the original with 6 beats/stresses in the first 3 lines and the last and 4 beats/stresses in the 4th line. My rhyme scheme is AAAAA like the original, with a uniform “ing” ending. Although, strictly speaking, a simple “ing” does not constitute a rhyme, the pattern is pleasing to the eye and the rendition, hopefully, also pleasing to the ear. As will be seen from the following work draft, most of the verbs ending with “ing” are not in the original (lines 1-3 and 5) but are added primarily to produce this eye rhyme pattern:-

Dried (bald/bare) vines, old tree, evening crows (add: roosting)

Small bridge, running water (stream/rivulet), people (others) homes (add: nestling)

Old road, west (autumn/high) wind, scrawny horse (add: trudging)

Evening sun west sets (slanting/setting)

Guts-torn (heart-torn/love-lorn) man at sky’s (land’s) end (add: roaming/a-roaming)

     As can also be seen from the above, although none of the verbs concerned is in the original, each and every is implied and is essential in translation whether into English or into modern day Chinese.

* Line 1: I had considered “dead”, “bald” and “bare” for 枯 but have decided for “dried”. I have added “entwined”, which is not in the original, for assonance with “vines” in addition to being descriptive of a scene of the symbiosis of the tree and vines. The word “come” in “come roosting” should be read unstressed.

* Line 2: For 水I have chosen “stream” over “waters/rivulet”. For 人家 I had considered “others’ homesteads/homes of others” to cover the poet’s (though ambiguous, yet readily apparent) meaning that none of the houses is the wanderer’s home, but have decided that “homes of people” should suffice. “Nestle/nestling” here is ambiguously rich in meaning. It takes in the meaning of both “lie half hidden or embedded in some place” and “lie snugly in some situation”. (Shorter Oxford Dictionary)

* Line 3: For 西風 I have rejected the literal “west wind(s)” as, to the Englishmen and the Europeans, west wind is a spring wind, Zephyr, which is not what the poet refers to. I have then considered “winds now high” but have decided for “in the autumn wind”. The word “keeps” in “keeps trudging” should be read unstressed.

* Line 5: I have spelt out 人 “man” as the “wanderer”. I had considered “to/in the/a land at the sky’s end a-roaming”, but have decided for “to the verge of the sky a-roaming”. I have added “a- (meaning in the process of)” to “roaming” so as to amplify my interpretation that 在天涯 means 浪迹天涯 , not just “at the verge of the sky”, but “to the verge of the sky a-roaming”.

李白 Li Bai: 秋浦歌 17首 其14 (1- 爐火照天地) Song of Qiupu 14 of 17 (1--Their furnace fire illumes both earth and sky)

Here, we have a rare and unique poem by the poet immortal Li Bai---in praise of labour, in praise of smelters in particular and of working men in general without using in the original poem, a single word of praise on labour, on smelting and on the workers. This English rendition of mine falls short of his very high standard, not far short, I hope, as I have only spelt out the "smelters". I do hope you will enjoy it.

My rendition was first posted 3 days ago last Friday on my HKEJ blog (link at top right corner of this page) . I wish to take this opportunity to thank all fellow bloggers who have contributed to that blog and this. It was they on the other blog that goaded me to take on the translation of this particular poem in the first place. Here is my rendition slightly revised:-

Li Bai (701-762): Song of Qiupu 14 of 17 (1- Their furnace fire illumes both earth and sky)

1  Their furnace fire illumes both earth and sky,

2  Red sparks spiking its purple smoke awry.

3     A night in clear moonlight, the red-faced smelters,

4    Their songs bestir the wintry stream nearby.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發

20^th July 2011 (revised 30.7.11)
Translated from the original - 李白: 秋浦歌 17首 其14 (1- 爐火照天地)

1      爐火照天地

2      紅星亂紫煙

3      赧郎明月夜

4      歌曲動寒川

Notes:-

* This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) while the original is in 5-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AAXA while the original’s is XAXA.

* Line 1: I had considered “The furnace fire lights up the earth and sky” but have decided for “Their furnace fire illumes both earth and sky”. The order of 天地 “sky” and “earth” is reversed as “earth and sky” sounds so much better and also as to start the rhyme with “sky”.

* Line 2: I had originally begun the line with "Its red sparks" but have now decided for simply "Red sparks". I had considered “poking” but have now decided to use “spiking”.

* Line 3: I have reversed the order of the 2 halves of the line. For 明月夜, I had considered “On this a moonlit night” which is clearly inferior to “A night in clear moonlight”. For 赧郎 (red-faced men), I have decided to abandon literal translations such as “the men, red-faced”, “the men, all flushed” and “their faces, all red/flushed” to make plain those men are not just men, not even just workers, but smelters, hence, “the red-faced smelters”.

* Line 4: I had considered using “work songs”, but with “smelters” spelt out in line 3, I can simply use “songs”. I have added “nearby” to end the rhyme. The addition is reasonable as smelting requires water close by.