李煜 Li Yu: 浪淘沙 (新修訂本) Lang Tao Sha (Newly Revised Version)

My rendition of this famous long-short-lined poem (詞 "ci" or "tz'u) by the last ruler of the Southern Tang dynasty 李後主 Li Yu 李煜 was first posted on this blog some 3 weeks ago simultaneously on this and my other blog www.hkej.com (please click "pen on paper" logo at right hand top corner). The response was overwhelming and I have indeed learned a lot from the discussion that ensued. Above all, it triggered me to take a serious second look at my first rendition which I completed rather hastily in only 3 days. To my chagrin, I found I might indeed have misjudged the situation the poet-king was in, misinterpreted the tone of the poem and rendered and/or added words which are impolitic. This is why I am posting my rendition afresh on this and my other blog, this time this newly revised version.

I take this opportunity to thank all bloggers on both blogs. I think I have conceded to practically all the points they have made and revised my rendition accordingly though not necessarily for the same reasons, as will be seen in the notes. I thank blogger [TJPete] for taking me to task on my uncalled for reference to Milton's "Paradise Lost" and "Paradise Regained" which I have now dropped.

I must thank, in particular, Professor Xu Yuanchong (XYZ) of Peking University. It was his "commentary" (pp. 361-3 in his "On Chinese Verse in English Rhyme" that had led me into wrongly (as I see it now) interpreting 天上 "heaven" 人間 "men's world/earth" as in contrast. But it is his own "rendition of the poem" (supra) that has opened my eyes to the subtleties of the poem. Note in particular his rendering 身是客 in line 4 as "under hospitable roof" and 春去也 天上人間 in lines 9 and 10 as "spring's gone away, so has the paradise of yesterday".

Here I give you my newly revised version:-

Li Yu (937-978): Lang Tao Sha (Waves Scouring the Sands): Reminiscence

1     Outside the curtains, a mizzling, drizzling rain,

2   Spring is on the wane,

3   The chills of foredawn, my silk quilt cannot long sustain.

4   In dream unaware I’m none but a guest of the emperor’s, I cling

5   A while to pleasures vain.

6   (From leaning alone by the railings I must refrain,)

     Alone, from gazing afar I must refrain, 
     (revised 10.3.11)

7   Fair is that rivered terrain,

8   A land I left so lightly, so hard to return to again.

9   Like blossoms scattered on rippling waters, spring is gone!

10 May heaven on earth remain!

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發

8^th February 2011 (revised 9.2.11; 10.2.11; 17.2.11; 26.2.11; 28.2.11)

Newly revised: 28^th February 2011 (revised 1.3.11);-

Translated from the original - 李煜: 浪淘沙 懷舊

1   簾外雨潺潺

2   春意闌珊

3   羅衾不耐五更寒

4   夢裡不知身是客

5   一晌貪歡

6   獨自莫憑欄

7   無限江山

8   别時容易見時難

9   流水落花春去也
10 天上人間

Notes:-

* The original poem is in 2 stanzas of long and short lines with an identical 5-4-7-7-4 (characters) pattern and an identical AAAXA rhyme scheme, represented diagrammatically as: 5A/ 4A/ 7A/ 7X/ 4A// 5A/ 4A/ 7A/ 7X/ 4A//. In this English rendition, I have used pentameter (5 feet) for the two 5-character lines, trimeter (3 feet) for the four 4-character lines and hexameter (6 feet) for the four 7-character lines with the same AAAXA rhyme scheme, the diagrammatic representation for reference being: 5A/ 3A/ 6A/ 6X/ 3A// 5A/ 3A/ 6A/ 6X/ 3A// (I have been able to use a single rhyme for both stanzas without having to use a different rhyme for the second stanza as I did for Yue Fei’s “Man Jiang Hong”.) I wish to record my indebtedness to 施頴洲 for the rhyme words of “rain”, “wane” and “vain” in his rendition of the same poem he entitled “In Captivity (Tune: Waves Washing Sand)” on pp.184-185 of his ”Tang and Song Poetry: Chinese-English” (中英對照讀唐詩宋詞), Taipei: Chiuko (台北: 九歌), 2006.

* Line 1: For the word 簾 “curtain”, I had originally used “window” on the ground that “curtain/screen” can and should, in this context, be taken as a synecdoche to stand for 窗 “window”, but have now decided to use “curtains”. For the onomatopoeiac 潺潺 I have used the “-izzling” sound in two different words instead of repeating either “mizzling” or “drizzling”

* Line 2: I had originally penned “Springtide, on the wane” but have now decided for “Spring is on the wane” to pave the way to the final categorical “spring is gone” in line 9.

* Line 3: 五更 (5^th watch/period) is the last period (3 to 5 a.m.) in the ancient Chinese system of night watches (1^st 7 to 9 p.m., 2^nd 9 to 11 p.m., 3^rd 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., and 4^th 1 to 3 a.m.) and is the period just before dawn. I had originally used “of foredawn” (the word foredawn found only in American dictionaries, as far as I gather) which best fits 五更 and sounds so much better than the coined word “pre-dawn”. I then decided to use “before dawn”, but have now decided to revert to “foredawn”. Although I have decided for “The chills of foredawn”, “The chills before dawn” is equally acceptable to me.

* Line 4: I had added “of my captor’s” to qualify 客 “guest” so as to make clear the true meaning of the line and penned “I’m none but a guest of my captor’s”. I then decided to add “king no more” to the line to replace “none”, thus: “I’m king no more but a guest of my captor’s”. Then, bearing in mind the poet only says 身是客 “myself as a guest” in the original, words to be added by the translator, if at all necessary, must be discreet lest they run contrary to the non-offensive formulation in the original. I then considered “I’m lord no more but a guest in cloisters” and “I’m none but a cloistered guest of the emperor’s”as the poet was under house arrest, and then “I’m none but an honoured/noble guest of the emperor’s” as the poet was given the title of “king” 王 by the emperor 皇. In the end, I have simply decided for “I’m none but a guest of the emperor’s”.

* Line 5: I have added “vain” for the rhyme to end the line, but which carries through the “dream” of line 4 and the futility of it all. I had originally penned “For a while, I while in vain”, then changed it to “I while a while in vain”. I then considered the more faithful rendition of “A moment’s pleasures in vain”, but have decided for “I cling/ Awhile to pleasures vain” with “I cling” moved up to line 4.

* Line 6: 憑欄 literally means “leaning/standing by the railings” and was originally translated as such. I had, however, interpreted and translated it as 遠眺 literally “looking afar” and had penned “Looking afar, alone, from that I refrain”, then “Alone, from looking afar, I must refrain”, but have now decided to revert to my original translation to retain the ambiguity, thus: “From leaning alone by the railings I must refrain”.

* Line 7: 無限 literally “infinite/infinitely” is interpreted not as (無限)大 literally “big/vast” but as (無限)美 literally “fair” and translated as such. For 江山 “rivers and mountains”, I had originally penned “(Fair) was my terrain, domain”, then “(Fair) was my kingdom’s terrain”, but have now decided for “(Fair) is that rivered terrain” being closer to the original. (Shorter Oxford defines “rivered” as “watered by rivers, furnished with a river or rivers”.) The avoidance of words like “domain” and “kingdom” together with changing “was” to “is”and “my” to “that” help maintain the subtlety of the original.

* Line 8: I had originally adapted 别 (literally “part with”) and (再)見 (literally “see again”) to mean “losing” and “regaining” the kingdom, and translated them as “paradise”, “lost” and “regain”. Although I said in the note: just borrowing from the titles of John Milton’s “Paradise Lost” and “Paradise Regained”, I was taken to task, and rightly, by a blogger [TJPete]. I now humbly concede that the reference is unnecessary, irrelevant and distracting, not just what is said in the note, but the very words “paradise”, “lost” and “regain” all bundled together in a single line, should have been avoided to preclude confusion. In addition, the “lost, regain” sentiment, though present in the line, is a hidden one which should only be intimated but not spelt out. I have now decided to revert to a less interpretative translation, thus: “A land I left so readily, so hard to return to again”.

* Line 9: For 流水落花 literally “running waters, falling/fallen flowers”, I had considered variously “Fallen flowers on rippling waters”, “Fallen petals on rippling waters”, “Blossoms falling, waters rippling” and “Like petals falling on waters rippling”, decided to use “With blossoms falling on rippling waters”, but have now decided to revise it as “Like blossoms scattered on rippling waters”.

* Line 10: This is the most difficult line to translate. I had originally penned the line as “’Twas heav’n, now a world profane” with a fairly long note: [I think the key words … are 春去也 “spring is gone/no more” … which I take to mean no matter how beautiful spring was/is, it is gone and forever gone … This leads us to interpret天上人間 not as a past “heaven on earth” … but as a past 天上 “heaven/paradise” diametrically opposed to the present 人間 “men’s world on earth”, thus, “’Twas heav’n, now men’s world”, to which I have added “profane” (meaning, inter alia, unholy, sacrilegious, common, vulgar) to complete the rhyme and to make plain my interpretation of the sentiments of this last king-poet of the Li family line … (then) shorten(ed) … to “now a world profane”.]

Now that I have come to realize the need for the poet to vent his sentiments very discreetly as he was under house arrest and subject to the whims of the Song emperor, I now embrace the most natural and plausible interpretation of the line as “heaven on earth” or “heavenly world” and have penned the line as a prayer: “May heaven on earth remain!”

李煜 Li Yu: 浪淘沙 懷舊 Lang Tao Sha (Waves Scouring the Sands) Reminiscence

This lament of a captive king Li Houzhu 李後主, the last ruler 後主 of the Li 李 family line's Southern Tang 南唐 dynasty in 10th century China, is my latest rendition. I am posting it simultaneously on this and my other blog at www.hkej.com. One cannot help but think of and speculate on Mubarak in Egypt. But, no politics, please!

The poem is most touching as will be seen in this and other translations. It is, in addition, beautifully structured with a single rhyme running through 8 of the 10 lines of varying length in a pattern of 5-4-7-7-4 characters per stanza. In my rendition, I have emulated this pattern. My rhyme scheme is AAAXA, AAAXA as in the original. My long-short line pattern, in terms of beats/stresses/feet, is 5-3-6-6-3 per stanza. I have not seen this done before, and shall be grateful to be able to get in touch with others who are attempting the same.

This poem and my rendition are not long, but my notes are. So, just sit back and enjoy the poem.

Li Yu (936-978): Lang Tao Sha (Waves Scouring the Sands): Reminiscence

1   Outside the window, a mizzling, drizzling rain,

2   Spring is on the wane,

3   The chills b’fore dawn, my silk quilt cannot long sustain.

4   In dream, unaware I’m none but a guest of my captor’s,

5   For a while I while in vain.

6   Alone: from looking afar, I must refrain,

7   Fair was my kingdom’s terrain,

8   A paradise lost so readily, so very hard to regain.

9   Like petals falling on rippling waters, spring is no more:

10 ‘Twas heav’n, now a world profane.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黃宏發

8^th February 2011 (revised 9.2.11; 10.2.11; 2^nd 10.2.11)
Translated from the original - 李煜: 浪淘沙 懷舊

1   簾外雨潺潺

2   春意闌珊

3   羅衾不耐五更寒
4  夢裡不知身是客

5   一晌貪歡

6   獨自莫憑欄

7   無限江山

8   别時容易見時難

9   流水落花春去也

10 天上人間

Notes:-

* This English rendition is in long and short lines, pentameter (5 feet) for the two 5-character lines (1 and 6), trimeter (3 feet) for the four 4-character lines (2, 5, 7 and 10), and hexameter (6 feet) for the four 7-character lines (3, 4, 8 and 9). The rhyme scheme follows the original AAAXA, AAAXA. I have been able to use a single rhyme for the entire poem of 2 stanzas without having to use a different rhyme for the second stanza as I did for Yue Fei’s “Man Jiang Hong”. I wish to record my indebtedness to 施頴洲for the rhyme words of “rain”, “wane”and “vain” in his rendition of the same poem he entitled “In Captivity (Tune: Waves Washing Sand)” on pp.184-185 of his ”Tang and Song Poetry: Chinese-English” (中英對照讀唐詩宋詞), Taipei: Chiuko (台北: 九歌), 2006.

* Line 1: I had considered “curtain” but have decided for “window” as 簾 (curtain or screen) can and should be taken as a synecdoche to stand for 窗 (window). This choice is due in part to my conscious decision not to feature in rendition any internal rhyme of the “-ain” sound for reasons explained in my notes on lines 7 and 8, and extended, in this case, to the eye rhyme of “curtain” and “rain”. For the onomatopoeiac 潺潺 I have used the “-izzling” sound in two different words instead of repeating either “mizzling” or “drizzling”

* Line 2: I had originally penned “Springtide, on the wane” but have now decided for “Spring is on the wane” to pave the way to the final categorical “spring is no more (gone)” in line 9.

* Line 3: 五更 (5^th watch/period) is the last period (3 to 5 a.m.) in the ancient Chinese system of night watches (1^st 7 to 9 p.m., 2^nd 9 to 11 p.m., 3^rd 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., and 4^th 1 to 3 a.m.) and is the period just before dawn. I had originally used the word “foredawn” (unfortunately found only in American dictionaries, as far as I gather) which best fits 五更 and sounds so much better than the coined word “pre-dawn”. Although I have decided for “The chills b’fore dawn”, “The chills of foredawn” is equally acceptable to me.

* Line 4: I have added “of my captor’s” to qualify 客 “guest” so as to make clear the true meaning of the line. I had considered “I’m king no more, a guest of my captor’s””, but have decided for “I’m none but a guest of my captor’s” as being more faithful.

* Line 5: I have added “in vain” for the rhyme but which carries through the “dream” state of line 4,

* Line 6: 憑欄 literally “leaning by the railings” is interpreted and translated as 遠眺 literally “looking afar”. I had originally penned “Looking afar, alone, from that I refrain”, but have now decided for “Alone: from looking afar, I must refrain”.

* Line 7: 無限 literally “infinite” is interpreted not as (無限)大 literally “big/vast” but as (無限)美 literally “fair” and translated as such. I had considered “Fair was my terrain, domain” but have decided for “Fair was my kingdom’s terrain” as the internal rhyme may be tediously distracting.

* Line 8: 别 literally “part with” and (再)見 literally “see again” are adapted to mean “losing” and “regaining” the kingdom and translated as “paradise”, “lost” and “regain” borrowing just from the titles of John Milton’s “Paradise Lost” and “Paradise Regained”. I had considered “so hard to again regain”, but have decided for “so very hard to regain” avoiding the tedious internal rhyme of “again regain”.

* Line 9: For 流水落花 literally “running waters, fallen flowers”, I had considered “Fallen flowers on rippling waters”, “Fallen petals on rippling waters” and “Blossoms falling, waters rippling” which all begin the line with a stressed syllable. I have now decided to begin the line with an unstressed “Like” which turns the emphasis rightly to 春去也 literally spring is gone, thus, “Like petals falling on waters rippling, spring is no more”.

* Line 10: I think the key words to interpreting line 10 are 春去也 “spring is gone/no more” in line 9 meaning no matter how beautiful spring was/is, it is gone and forever gone, which meaning is fully in tune with the sentiments of all previous lines. This leads us to interpret天上人間 not as a past “heaven on earth” (this world, a heavenly paradise) the poet is reminiscing, but as a past 天上 “heaven/paradise” diametrically opposed to the present 人間 “men’s world”, thus, “’Twas heav’n, now men’s world”, to which I have added “profane” (meaning, inter alia, unholy, sacrilegious, common, vulgar) to complete the rhyme and to make plain my interpretation of the sentiments of this last king/emperor-poet of the Li family line 李後主 of the South Tang 南唐dynasty. After due consideration, I have decided to shorten “now men’s world profane” to “now a world profane”.

陳沆 Chen Hang: 一字詩 Chen Hang: A Poem with the Word "A"

Happy New Year! Happy 2011! Sorry for the delay in posting this my January piece. Over last Christmas, I was given a task, so to speak, on my other blog (see link) by 2 fellow bloggers who offered their renditions of a "fun" poem by a Qing dynasty poet 陳沆 Chen Hang (1785-1826) which they entitled "The One Lyric" or "The One-word Lyric" as follows:-

tr. 筆非得 25 December 2010
1 One sail, one oar, one fishing boat.
2 One fisherman with one fishing hook,
3 Bending and lifting his head, laughing
4 With the moon and autumn in the river.

tr. frank yue (adapting 筆非得) 26 December 2010
1 One sail, one oar, one fishing boat.
2 One fisherman, one fishing hook,
3 Bending and lifting his head, laughing --
4 On the river, the full moon and autumn afloat.

Whatever the serious, philosophical (Taoist?) side of the poem may be, let us just tend to the fun side for the time being. How do you like the poem? How do you like the renditions? How would you do it? Have fun in the New Year! Here is how I have done it:-

Chen Hang (1785-1826): A Poem with the Word "A"

1  (An oar, a sail, a smallish fishing boat,)
    An oar and a sail, a little fishing boat, (26.1.11)

2  (A hook for angling, a fisherman, I note,)
    A fish hook for angling, a fisher folk, I note: (26.1.11)
3  A-dipping, a-lifting, a-laughing no matter what,

4  A river in moonlight, an autumn’s leaves afloat.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發
26th December 2010 (revised 21.1.11) (further revised 26.1.11)
Translated from the original - 陳沆: 一字詩

1  一帆一槳一漁(扁)舟
2  一個漁翁一釣鈎
3  一俯一仰一場笑
4  一江(輪)明月一江秋

Notes:-
* This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AAXA as is the original.
* Title and whole poem: Literally 一字詩 is “one word poem” but means a poem using repeatedly the word “one”. For my rendition, I have used “A” and “An” instead of “one”, hence, the “An’s” and “A’s” throughout the poem and the title “An ‘A’ Poem”
* Lines 1 and 2: I have changed the order of the items in these two lines into sequences of “from the small to the big” (e.g. “ 槳oar” then “帆sail” in line 1, and “釣鉤 hook for angling” then “渔翁fisherman” in line 2) and “from the particular to the whole” (e.g. “ 槳, 帆oar, sail” then “舟 boat” in line 1).
* Line 1: I have incorporated both the 漁 “fishing” and 扁 “small” versions of the poem into my translation, hence, “smallish fishing boat”. For 槳 I had considered the more logical word of “scull 櫓” which, when we only have one on a boat with a sail, can double as a steering rudder, but dropped the idea. The word 扁 should be pronounced “pian” (“pin” in Cantonese) and not “bian” (“bin” in Cantonese). 扁舟 in Chinese poetry means “a little boat” and not “a flat boat” (pronounced ‘bian”). It can but does not mean “a number of boats rafted together” (扁 being equivalent to 編) and is certainly not a “raft” which is 筏 in Chinese.
* Line 2: I have added “I note” (not present in the original) to make the rhyme, but which links up beautifully every part of the poem.
* Line 3: I have taken 俯仰 not to literally mean “bending the body forward” then “raising/lifting the body upward” but to figuratively mean “dipping the fishing rod” (“a-dipping”) then “lifting the fishing rod” (a-lifting). I had considered “a-flipping” which rhymes best with “a-dipping” but have decided the “dipping-lifting” assonance would suffice. For 一場笑 “a scene of laughter”, I refused to take it to be caused by a good catch. In fact, I was inclined towards the opposite, i.e. for having caught naught, considering the sentiments in line 4 (moon light, autumn). I then decided to use “a-laughing loud and long” but have now decided for “a-laughing, no matter what” which best retains the original ambiguity. I could have written the line as “A dipping, a lifting, a laughter no matter what”, thus keeping all 3 “A’s” in line 3 as an indefinite article in line with the “A’s” in all other lines., but have decided that turning them into an “action” preposition makes line 3 so much more lively and appealing.
* Line 4: I have not incorporated the 輪 version into my translation in which I have rendered 一江明月 as “a river in moon light” and 一江秋 (a river in/of autumn) as “an autumn’s leaves afloat”.

白居易 Bai Juyi: 夜雪 Night in Snow

Winter is approaching. Although it never snows in Hong Kong, those of us who had experienced snow may find this little poem of interest. The famed Tang dynasty poet Bai Juyi is also known by the name Po Chu-I.

Bai Juyi (772-846): Night in Snow

1  Surprised to find, so cold, my quilt and pillow;
2  (Then light I see from the papered casement window.)
    Then light I see through my papered casement window.  
    (revised 26.2.15)
3  (Deep in the night, so heavy it snows, I know, when)
    Deep in the night, so heavy's the snow, I know, when  
    (revised 26.2.15)
4  (Bamboos go crack ~ a sound, now ‘n then, I follow.)
    Bamboos go clack---a sound, then again, I follow.
    (revised 26.2.15)

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黃宏發
22nd July 2009 (revised 23.7.09; 24.7.09; 3.8.09; 4.8.09; 5.8.09; 10.12.10)
Translated from the original - 白居易: 夜雪

1  已訝衾枕冷
2  復見窗户明
3  夜深知雪重
4  時聞折竹聲

Notes:
* This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) to emulate the original 5-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AAXA as I take the original to be. The “pillow, window, follow” rhyme is but a falling para-rhyme
* Line 2: The word 復 here means 後 “then”, not 再 “again”. The word 户 “door” is omitted in the translation as it refers to the Chinese “casement door” which is also a window. The word “papered” is added to make clear it is not a glass casement window/door which did not yet exist.
* Line 3: I had originally penned “so heavy’s the snow” but have now decided for “so heavy it snows”.
* Line 4: For the sound of bamboos breaking, I had considered “snap” and “clack”, but have decided for “crack”. For the word 時, I had considered “e’er ‘n anon (ever and anon)”, “now ‘n again (now and again)”and “then ‘n again (then and again)”, but have decided for “now ‘n then (now and then)”
`

韋應物 Wei Yingwu: 秋夜寄邱員外 Written on an Autumn Night to Squire Qiu

It is now deep in autumn. Most ancient Chinese poets seem to miss their family and friends most in autumn. Wei Yingwu said in the 8th century: "On this crisp autumn night when pine-cones fall, I miss you and am thinking of you. You must still be up, thinking of me too." Though in the last the 20th and this the 21st century, poetry has been replaced by an "I miss you" card or an email "miss U" message, the sentiments remain the same. Why not borrow Wei's poetry?

Wei Yingwu (739-792): Written on an Autumn Night to Squire Qiu

1 My friend, O how I miss you, this autumn night!
2 I stroll, and a rhyme I roll -- of the clime now chilly,
3 Of the drop, dropping of pine-cones in the empty mountain,
4 And of you, my dear recluse, still up, willy-nilly.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)       譯者: 黄宏發
23rd June 2009 (25.6.09; 26.6.09; 27.10.10; 5 11 10)
Translated from the original - 韋應物: 秋夜寄邱員外

1 懷君屬秋夜
2 散步詠涼天
3 空山松子落
4 幽人應未眠

Notes:
* This English rendition is in pentameter (5 metrical feet) to emulate the 5-character lines of the original. The rhyme scheme is ABCB as in the original.
* Title: The addressee is a friend of the poet’s named Qiu Dan 邱丹 or Qiu Ershier 邱二十二 (probably means the 22nd son). Qiu was in retirement when Wei wrote the poem, and 員外 could either meant his former rank in officialdom 員外郎 or simply a country squire, and I have adopted the latter for the title.
* Lines 2, 3 and 4: I have repeated the word “of” in all 3 lines so as to treat everything in the 3 lines to be the content of the “rhyme (verse or poem)” rolling from the poet’s mouth while strolling. An alternative treatment, probably more faithful, is as follows:-
1 My friend, oh how I miss you, this autumn night!
2 I stroll, and a rhyme I roll of the air turned crispy.**
3 In the fall of pine-seeds, pine-cones in the empty hills,
4 I hope, my dear recluse, you’re still up, not sleepy.**
**The “crispy” (line 2) “not sleepy” (line 4) rhyme may not be perfect but is, I hope, acceptable as a para-rhyme or off rhyme.
* Line 2: I had considered “A rhyme I roll as I stroll”, then used “As I stroll, a rhyme I roll …” but have now decided for “I stroll, and a rhyme I roll …”.
* Line 3: I had originally written “Of the drop and plop of pine-cones …”, but have found the word “plop” (being a verb for dropping into water) less than satisfactory and have now decided for “Of the drop, dropping of pine-cones …”. I have translated 松子 not as “pine-seeds” but as a synecdoche for “pine-cones”. By repeating “drop” and by turning the second “drop” into the participle “dropping”, I hope to create the autumn sound of pine-cones falling.
* Line 4: I have used “still up” to translate 未眠. I am still considering whether or not “willy-nilly”, which I need for the rhyme, is a mistaken interpretation of or adds too much to 應 in the original.

李白 Li Bai: 清平調 3首 其3 To the Qing and Ping Tune (for Lady Yang), 3 of 3

This is the 3rd and last of the 3 verses Li Bai wrote impromptu in honour of the peony flower and Lady 貴妃 Yang Yuhuan 楊玉環 following the 1st and 2nd posted here this year in June and August respectively. Here we go:-

Li Bai (701-762): To the Qing and Ping Tune (for Lady Yang), III of Three

1 Famed peony, fairest lady----in love requited, in bliss,
2 (With the monarch's eyes, all smiles, to find you, never miss.)
   With the monarch’s eyes all smiling, to find you, never miss. (revised 8.8.19)
3 North of the Agar Pavilion, by the railing together you lean,
4 Zephyr’s moods melancholic, to dispel, disperse, dismiss.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黄宏發
7th April 2010 (revised 8.4.10; 15.10.10)
Translated from the original - 李白: 清平調 首 其3

1 名花傾國兩相歡
2 長得君王帶笑看
3 解釋春風無限恨
4 沈香亭北倚闌干

Notes:-

* This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.

* Line 1: To follow from line 1 of the 2nd verse in this series of three, I have identified the “flower” 花 as “peony” 牡丹 or 芍藥 which is known as the flower of the rich and the noble 富貴花. 傾國 does not literally mean “ruins the country, nation, kingdom, or empire” but alludes to “a ravishingly beautiful lady”, hence, “fairest lady”. I have translated 兩相歡 as “(the beautiful lady , likened to the queen of all flowers, is) in love, requited (by the monarch, and are both) in bliss”, and not as “(the monarch) takes pleasure in both the famous flower and the beautiful lady”.

* Line 2:  I had originally penned "With the monarch's eyes, all smiles", but have now decided for "With the monarch's eyes all smiling".

* Lines 3 and 4: I have reversed the order of lines 3 and 4.

* Line 3: “Agar”, short for “agarwood” or “aloeswood”, “eaglewood”, etc., is the incense produced in aquilaria trees. In the second half of the line, I have added “together” which is not in the original, so as to amplify my interpretation of “the monarch and the lady both in love, in bliss” in line 1 and “the monarch and the lady in constant companionship” in line 2.

* Line 4: 解釋 here means “to liberate from”, and does not mean “to explain”. This explains why I have not adopted 解識 which being the alternative version.

馬致遠 Ma Zhiyuan: 天淨沙 秋思 Tian Jing Sha "Autumn Thoughts"

This poem is a 曲 "qu" or song of the 元 Yuan Dynasty which is akin to 詞 "ci" or song of the 宋 Song Dynasty made up of long and short lines. I had earlier last May posted a Song "ci", Yue Fei's "The River All Red". This is my first attempt at a Yuan "qu". This poem is particularly challenging as it is a sheer juxtaposition of images, e.g. "dried vine(s)", "old tree(s)", "evening crow(s)" in the first line followed by more in subsequent lines. While I can simply present the images in sequence (montage?) like most faithful translators do, I have chosen to give a clear interpretation to the whole poem by adding verbs to 4 of the 5 lines. So we have "crows ... roosting", "homes of people nestling" leading up in contrast to "scrawny horse ... trudging", "sun ... setting" (verb in the original), and "wanderer ... a-roaming". "They have homes, while I don't," so to speak. In so doing, I of course run the risk of being labelled "a square peg in a round hole" or, more precisely, "an over-sized square peg fits not the round hole". But at least some c'onsolation can be found in the "ing" rhyme in an AAAAA rhyme scheme made possible only by the addition of verbs not present but implied in the original. Please enjoy reading it out --- slowly but loudly.

Ma Zhiyuan (1260-1364):  Tian Jing Sha (Heavenly Pure Sand) -- Autumn Thoughts

1  An old tree, dried vines entwined, by ev’ning crows come roosting;

2  O’er a small bridge, by a running stream, homes of people nestling.

3  On an old road, in the autumn wind, a scrawny horse keeps trudging.
4  The sun, slanting, to the west, setting ---

5  Heart-torn, lovelorn, the wanderer, to the verge of the sky a-roaming.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黄宏發
18^th August 2010 (revised 19.8.10; 20.8.10; 6.9.10)
Translated from the original - 馬致遠:  天淨沙 -- 秋思

1  枯藤老樹昏鴉

2  小橋流水人家

3  古道西風瘦馬
4  夕陽西下

5  斷腸人在天涯

Notes:

* The original is in 5 lines with the first 3 lines in 6 characters, the 4th a 4-character line and the last line back to 6 characters. The rhyme scheme is AAAAA with an “a” or “ah” rhyme. (It should be noted that although the last word in the last line is pronounced “ngai” in Cantonese, it is “ya” in Putonghua.). My English rendition emulates the pattern of the original with 6 beats/stresses in the first 3 lines and the last and 4 beats/stresses in the 4th line. My rhyme scheme is AAAAA like the original, with a uniform “ing” ending. Although, strictly speaking, a simple “ing” does not constitute a rhyme, the pattern is pleasing to the eye and the rendition, hopefully, also pleasing to the ear. As will be seen from the following work draft, most of the verbs ending with “ing” are not in the original (lines 1-3 and 5) but are added primarily to produce this eye rhyme pattern:-

Dried (bald/bare) vines, old tree, evening crows (add: roosting)

Small bridge, running water (stream/rivulet), people (others) homes (add: nestling)

Old road, west (autumn/high) wind, scrawny horse (add: trudging)

Evening sun west sets (slanting/setting)

Guts-torn (heart-torn/love-lorn) man at sky’s (land’s) end (add: roaming/a-roaming)

As can also be seen from the above, although none of the verbs concerned is in the original, each and every is implied and is essential in translation whether into English or into modern day Chinese.

* Line 1: I had considered “dead”, “bald” and “bare” for 枯 but have decided for “dried”. I have added “entwined”, which is not in the original, for assonance with “vines” in addition to being descriptive of a scene of the symbiosis of the tree and vines. The word “come” in “come roosting” should be read unstressed.

* Line 2: For 水I have chosen “stream” over “waters/rivulet”. For 人家 I had considered “others’ homesteads/homes of others” to cover the poet’s (though ambiguous, yet readily apparent) meaning that none of the houses is the wanderer’s home, but have decided that “homes of people” should suffice. “Nestle/nestling” here is ambiguously rich in meaning. It takes in the meaning of both “lie half hidden or embedded in some place” and “lie snugly in some situation”. (Shorter Oxford Dictionary)

* Line 3: For 西風 I have rejected the literal “west wind(s)” as, to the Englishmen and the Europeans, west wind is a spring wind, Zephyr, which is not what the poet refers to. I have then considered “winds now high” but have decided for “in the autumn wind”. The word “keeps” in “keeps trudging” should be read unstressed.

* Line 5: I have spelt out 人 “man” as the “wanderer”. I had considered “to/in the/a land at the sky’s end a-roaming”, but have decided for “to the verge of the sky a-roaming”. I have added “a- (meaning in the process of)” to “roaming” so as to amplify my interpretation that 在天涯 means 浪迹天涯 not just “at the verge of the sky”, but “to the verge of the sky a-roaming”.

李白 Li Bai: 清平調 3首 其2 To the Qing and Ping Tune (for Lady Yang), 2 of 3

Here is the second verse of Li Bai's 3 verses to the tune of Qing and Ping which I promised to post in my June post. I hope you do enjoy it.

Li Bai (701-762):  To the Qing and Ping Tune (for Lady Yang), 2 of 3

1 Ablush, abloom, O peony, your fragrance dewdrops retain!
2 That nymph of mists and mizzles, was a rendezvous dreamt in vain;
3 And who in the courts of old times, your beauty might match? I ask.
4 ‘Twas (pity!) the pretty Feiyan, while her new paint was yet to wane.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
23rd January 2010 (revised 25.1.10; 1.2.10; 4.2.10; 8.2.10; 9.2.10; 10.2.10; 7.4.10)
Translated from the original - 李白: 清平調 3首 其2

1 一枝紅艷露凝香
2 雲雨巫山枉斷腸
3 借問漢宮誰得似
4 可憐飛燕倚新妝

Notes:-

* This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.

* Line 1: I have used “ablush” for 紅 and “abloom” for 艶, and have added “oh peony” to say what is ablush, abloom is a particular peony on a particular stem 枝, made to stand for the lady.. For 凝, I had considered “sustain” and “contain”, but have decided for “retain”.

* Line 2: This is the legend of the King of Chu 楚 who, in dream, rendezvoused with the beautiful nymph/oread/fairy/goddess 神女 of Wu-Shan 巫山. I have decided to translate 巫山 not as the mountain but as its deity. In this context, the mountain clearly stands for the deity who lives there, and for this 神女, I have decided to use “nymph” for its beauty and simplicity although “oread” (mountain nymph) might be more appropriate. And, instead of translating 斷腸 (meaning heartbreak, literally guts severing), I have put in the “dreamt rendezvous” to make plain the legend referred to.

* Line 3: I had considered “Han times” to translate 漢 but have decided for “old times”.

* Line 4: I have translated 倚新妝 (“relying/counting on her new/fresh paint/ make-up”) as “while her new paint was yet to wane”.

李白 Li Bai: 黃鶴樓送孟浩然 At the Yellow Crane Tower to Bid Meng Haoran Bon Voyage

This, in fact, is the first classical Chinese poem I attempted translating when I first began in earnest in March 2007 to pursue this ongoing hobby of translating classical Chinese poems into English. I was hesitant about what I wrote (please see my ultimate note) as I was still in search of an appropriate classical or quasi-classical form in English for the Chinese quatrain 绝句. This I soon found (grateful to 施颖洲's 中英對照讀唐詩宋詞 Tang and Song Poetry: Chinese-English 臺北:九歌 Taipei: Chiuko 2006 and, of course, to Edward FitzGerald's Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam 1859) in (1) adherence to the original rhyme scheme of AAXA (or XAXA, if original), and (2) 4 lines of equal length counting beats or stresses or accents. I made a new attempt in December 2008 which is essentially the current version. I had forgotten I have yet to post it. But thanks to correspondence on this blog between Huy, Frank and myself in June 2010 (please see my January 2008 post, my first post) in which Huy asked for my version of the Yellow Crane Tower and, thinking he meant 李白 Li Bai's poem, I promised to post it in July 2010. It turned out he meant 崔灏 Cui Hao's and Frank understood him right. Anyhow, as promised, here is my rendition of Li Bai's Yellow Crane Tower (Cui Hao's which is an octet of 8 lines will have to wait):-

Li Bai (701—762): At the Yellow Crane Tower to Bid Meng Haoran Bon Voyage to Guangling

1 At the Yellow Crane Tower, my friend, to the west you said goodbye;
2 In this misty, flowery glorious spring, downstream for Yangzhou you ply.
3 A speck, a silhouette, your solitary sail, toward the verdant hills receding, till
4 My eyes but descry the grand Long River, rolling to the verge of the sky.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者: 黄宏發
19th December 2008 (revised 22.12.08; 23.12.08; 29.12.08; 19.2.09; 9.6.10; 10.6.10)
Translated from the original - 李白: 黄鶴樓送孟浩然之廣陵

1 故人西辭黃鶴樓
2 煙花三月下揚州
3 孤帆遠影碧山(空)盡
4 惟見長江天際流

Notes:

* This English rendition is in heptameter (7 metrical feet) to emulate the original 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original. This in fact is the first poem I attempted since picking up the hobby in March 2007. This first attempt, revised up to August 2007, was never published or posted and was abandoned as it is far too unorthodox. It is, however, reproduced below in the note on the abandoned translation to record my failure.

* Title: Yellow Crane Tower or Tower of the Yellow Crane is in present-day Wuhan in Hubei Province to the west of Guangling or Yangzhou . Meng Haoran, also a poet, was a friend of Li Bai’s. Guangling is present-day Yangzhou in Jiangsu Province, which was then also known as Yangzhou, hence, its appearance in the text in line 2.

* Line 1: I had used “bade goodbye”, but have now decided for “said goodbye”.

* Line 2: 三月 is the third month on the lunar Chinese calendar which is mid-spring. I had considered “the mists and blossoms of March and April”, but have decided to use “this misty, flowery glorious spring” to translate 煙花三月. The word “ply” is used not in the sense of “to sail/go periodically, to and fro, between certain places” but “to direct/steer one’s course for a certain destination” and should be used with “for”. In plain English, the line reads “…, you ply for Yangzhou downstream”.

* Line 3: I have adopted the 碧山 (verdant hills) version instead of the 碧空 (heavens azure or blue void) version. I had considered “fading/waning into the verdant hills” and “to/toward/towards the verdant hills recedes/you recede”, but have decided for “toward the verdant hills recedeing”.

* Line 4: I had considered “I”, but have decided for “My eyes”. I had considered “see/spy/espy”, but have decided for “descry”. For 長江 I had used “long, Long River”, but have decided for “grand Long River”. For 際 I had considered “fringe/end/margin”, but have decided for “verge”.

* The following is the abandoned translation of March 2007 revised up to August 2007 which is now further polished (in June 2010) so as to afford a comparison on a fairer basis :-

1 故人 Alas! My friend, for years my best,
   西辭 You bade farewell to your native west,
   黃鶴樓 At the Yellow Crane Tower we parted.
2 煙花 Willows misting, flowers in splendour,
   三月 ‘Tis the third month, the lunar calendar,
   下揚州 Downstream for Yangzhou, oh, you departed.
3 孤帆 That solitary sail for you they set,
   遠影 By now is but a distant silhouette,
   碧山(空)盡 Fading into the hills and heavens azure.
4 惟見 Now the only sight remaining clear,
   長江 A vista of a River long and drear,
   天際流 Rolling skywards to the horizon obscure.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)     譯者: 黃宏發
29th March 2007 (revised 4.4.2007; 10.4.2007; 26.4.2007; 10.5.2007; 14.5.2007; 27.5.2007; 17.7.2007; 18.7.2007; 23.7.2007; 30.7.2007; 14.8.07; polished 9.6.10; 11.6.10)

李白 Li Bai: 清平調 3首 其1 To the Qing and Ping Tune (for Lady Yang), I of 3

This is done earlier this year. I do hope you like it. The other two will soon follow.

Li Bai (701-762): To the Qing and Ping Tune (for Lady Yang), 1 of 3

1 In clouds, I think of her raiment, in flowers, see her face,
2 Blooming, beaming by the railing, in Zephyr’s dewy embrace.
3 ‘Tis only on Hills of Emerald, might such a beauty be seen, else
4 By moonlight at Jasper Terrace, be blest to encounter her grace.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者:黃宏發
15th January 2010 (revised 18.1.10; 20.1.10; 21.1.10; 9.2.10; 26.2.10)
Translated from the original - 李白: 清平調 3首 其1

1 雲想衣裳花想容
2 春風拂檻露華濃
3 若非羣玉山頭見
4 會向瑶臺月下逢

Notes:-

* This English is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.

* Title: The three verses were written by Li Bai impromptu upon being summoned to the palace garden where Emperor Xuanzong and his favourite concubine Lady Yang were admiring peony flowers in full bloom, hence, I have added (for Lady Yang).
.
* Line 1: I had considered and rejected “we/you think” (everyone, the Emperor included) for being too general and “one thinks” for being too impersonal, and have decided for “I think” (which can stand for either the poet or the Emperor). I had used “your raiment … your face” here, and “your grace” in line 4, but have decided for “her raiment … her face” and “her grace”.

* Line 2: To translate 春風 (spring wind), I have used “Zephyr” (the god of the west wind, being spring wind in Europe) to pave the way for the mythical references in lines 3 and 4. I have used “railing” to translate 檻 and rejected other interpretations such as “casement” or “window sill”. To translate 拂 (“stroke” or “caress”), I have used “embrace” for the rhyme, and have taken the liberty to change the object of the “embrace/stroke/caress” from the more literal railings to the more poetic flowers and beautiful lady.

* Lines 3 and 4: As explained in the note above, the proper names of 羣玉山 “Hills of Emerald” (line 3) and 瑶臺 “Jasper Terrace” (line 4) exist only in myths; here, the mythology of 西王母 Fairy Queen Mother of the Western Sky. I have added “beauty” (line 3) and “grace” (line 4) to make plain that lines 3 and 4 refer to the beautiful lady (who can only be from heaven/fairyland).
* Line 4: I have added “be blest” to convey a sense of good fortune and to complete the meter. I had used “meet/behold”, but have now decided for “encounter”.