Zu Yong (699-746): Viewing the Snow Tops of Mount Zhongnan
This is the last of the quatrains I translated some 10 years ago which were never posted on this blog but posted in the Forum website of the Hong Kong Economic Journal. For the records, this rendition was posted there on 21 January 2011.
I do hope you will like it too:
Zu Yong: Viewing the Snow Tops of Mount Zhongnan
1
Fair is the north face of Mount Zhongnan,
2
Its emergent snow tops floating on clouds.
3
The sky now cleared, the forests glisten,
4
But by dusk the city, a coldness enshrouds.
Translated
by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
Translated
from the original - 祖詠: 终南望餘雪
1 终南陰嶺秀
2 積雪浮雲端
3 林表明霽色
4 城中增暮寒
Notes:
* This English rendition is in tetrameter (4
metrical feet) while the original is in 5-
character lines. The rhyme scheme is xAxA as in the original.
* Title and lines 1 and 2: Zhongnan 终南(ultimate, south) is a mountain range south
of the capital city Chang-an 長安. I had considered translating it
as “South End”, “South Side” or “Due South”, but have decided for the
transliteration “Zhongnan”. I have taken
餘雪 in the title and 積雪 in line 2 to have the same
meaning and had originally translated them into “snow caps” but have now
decided for “snow tops”. I have not
ascertained if there are indeed many tops/peaks; but then, if not, I can simply
delete the “s” from “tops”.
* Line 1:
I had considered “north slope/side/range” but had decided for “north
face” for alliteration with “fair”.
* Line 2:
I have deleted “With” which I had originally used to begin the
line. I had also originally used the
more literal “Its emergent snow tops floating atop/above the clouds” to
translate 浮雲端 but have
found it one beat/foot too long and now decided for “Its emergent snow tops floating
on clouds”, with “emergent” to mean both “rising above” and “coming into view
(appearing)”, and with “floating” to mean both “afloat continuously” and “floating
in the eyes (appearing).”.
* Line 3:
The 2 words 霽 (means
precipitation has stopped as in雨/雪霽 rain/snow
has stopped) and 色 (means brightness in this context, not colour) are translated as “The
sky now cleared”. I had considered but
rejected both “Now that the sky clears” and “The sky now clears”. I had originally translated 林表 literally as “tree-tops”, but
have decided for “the forests” to contrastingly parallel “the city” in line
4. I have translated 明 simply as “glisten”.
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