Postscript: I have further considered "their Emperor's" in line 4 and have decided that "His Majesty's" would look and sound more appropriate. I have revised the text and the notes accordingly as if they had been posted a few hours ago.
Yuan Zhen (779-831): The Adjunct Palace
1 (In the vacant ancient Adjunct Palace towers,)
In the vacant, age-old Adjunct Palace towers, (revised 30.10.19)
In the vacant, age-old Adjunct Palace towers, (revised 30.10.19)
2
Quietly, glowing, the poor red palace flowers.
3
Here still reside some
white-haired palace ladies,
4
Sit idly recounting His Majesty’s bygone hours.
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang
Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
2 October 2019 (revised 4.10.19; 6.10.19;
7.10.19; 8.10.19; 9.10.19; 22.10.19; 30.10.19)
Translated from the original – 元稹: 行宮
1
寥落古行宮
2
宮花寂寞紅
3
白頭宮女在
4
閒坐說玄宗
Notes:
*Form, Metre and Rhyme: This English rendition is a quatrain in
pentameter (5 feet or beats) to emulate the original which is a 5-character
“jueju” 絕句 (quatrain). To emulate the
original, I have also given a caesura (pause) after the first 2 feet or beats
for each 5-beat line. The rhyme scheme
is AAxA as in the original. I am
grateful to the great pioneering British translator (of Chinese into English)
Herbert Allen Giles (1845-1935), from whom I have borrowed his “bowers –
flowers – hours” rhyme. Please note, I
have in my rendition used “towers” instead of his “bowers”. Giles’ rendition is as follows:
Deserted now the imperial bowers
Save by some few poor lonely flowers …
One white-haired dame
Sits down and tells of bygone hours.
*Title:
行 (travel) 宮
(palace) means a place where the monarch stays when he is
travelling away from the palace in the capital.
However, I do not take it to be a general term as, in my view, it refers
to a specific palace, the “Shangyang Palace” 上陽宮 in the equally ancient, if not older,
city of Loyang 洛陽 which was, in the Tang dynasty, the 陪/ 副/ 輔都 adjunct/ auxiliary capital known as 東京 (Eastern Capital) with Chang’an 長安 the capital known
as 西京 (Western Capital). I
have, therefore, rendered the title 行宮
as “Adjunct Palace”.
The predicament of the ladies in the Shangyang Palace is detailed in a
fairly long 七言古詩old-style poem by白居易
Bai Juyi entitled 上陽白髮人
“Shangyang’s White-haired Ladies”.
*Line 1:
寥落 is rendered as “(In the) vacant”.
古行宮 is rendered as “age-old Adjunct Palace towers” with “Adjunct Palace”
capitalized to make the palace specific, and with “towers” (instead of Giles’ “bowers”,
being more fitting for the Adjunct Palace) added to begin the “towers – flowers
– hours” rhyme.
*Line 2:
宮花 is translated literally as “palace flowers” to depict a garden scene
and to retain the ambiguity of using “palace flowers” to allude to “palace
ladies”. 寂寞
is rendered as “Quietly … the poor” to cover both 寂 “quietly” and 寂寞 “poor (to mean
lonely, i.e. unadmired)”, and 紅
is translated literally as “glowing … red” with “glowing”
added to cover the additional use of the word 紅 as a verb to mean 開花 “blooming”.
*Line 3:
白 (white) 頭 (head) is properly rendered as “white-haired” rather than
“white-headed”. 宮女 is translated literally as “some … palace ladies” (after rejecting
“maids” for being too young), and is rendered in the plural to make sense of
more than one lady sitting, chit-chatting in line 4. 在
is rendered as ”Here still reside” after considering “There in
still live”.
*Line 4:
閒坐 is translated literally as “Sit idly”. 說
is rendered as “recounting” after considering “to talk/ tell/ speak
of”. 玄宗 (Xuanzong) refers to 李隆基 Li Longji
(685-762), the ninth Emperor of the Tang dynasty, who reigned for 44 years from
712 to 756 when he was “elevated” (deemed abdicated) by his crown prince 李亨 Li Heng to the
position of 太上皇 “Senior Emperor” He has come
to be popularly known as唐明皇
“the Good (as in 明君) Emperor of Tang” and remembered well for his love for his
concubine Lady Yang 楊(玉環)貴妃. (白居易 Bai Juyi has
another famous 七言古詩old style poem entitled 長恨歌
“Song of Lasting Sorrow” on Xuanzong and Lady Yang.) Xuanzong is a 廟號 “posthumous title in the ancestral
temple” given to a monarch after his death.
(Please note, this is not just a 謚號
“posthumous title of honour” which may be given, upon death, to
monarchs and subjects alike; you may also wish to note that Xuanzong’s 謚號 is 至道大聖大明孝皇帝.) I had originally considered simply transliterating玄宗 to make the line
end as “Xuanzong’s bygone hours”, but have now decided to make his status
explicit. I have, therefore, decided for
“His Majesty’s bygone hours”, after considering “their/ the/ old/ the late Emperor’s bygone hours". I have added “bygone hours” to
complete the meaning and the rhyme. I
had originally considered qualifying “hours” with words such as “glorious/ majestic/ glamour/ joyous/ golden/ etc.", but have rejected them for
adding too much to the original, while “bygone” is a more appropriate word as
it simply refers to the past of the Emperor.
For the use of “bygone hours”and, in particular, the word “bygone”, I
gratefully acknowledge my debt to Herbert Giles’ rendition.
7 comments:
Re-reading my rendition, I have now decided to replace the word "ancient" in line 1 to "age-old". This is effected in the post. The note to line 1 is accordingly amended.
Sorry, "ancient" "replaced ... by" or "revised ... to" "age-old".
Sorry, "ancient" replaced by or revised to "age-old".
Hi Andrew,
I thought rather than critiquing your rendition, I thought I would post my version translated quite loosely many months ago now. I wanted to avoid repetition of "palace" and as a result my translation does depart somewhat from the original, but still I hope reveals some of the poet's intention at least.
The provincial palace is deserted now
Save for a lonely blush of roses
And the white haired maid
Murmurs idly of a past, timeworn
My 1998 translation �� , bringing back much nostalgia. Thanks for posting.
寥落古行宮 Desolate is the old former imperial residence,
宮花寂寞紅 Palace flowers in lonely red.
白頭宮女在 Now white haired, but around,
閒坐說玄宗Palace maids, sitting in idle chat about Hsuan Tsung of long ago.
I thank Ray Heaton and Jeffy for contributing their renditions> Andrew.
Grateful for the authenticity and vulnerability you bring to your blog! Escape boredom and embrace the thrill of rapid clicking with the CPS Test – your gateway to an epic gaming experience.
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