Today, I am posting my rendition of 李清照 Li Qingzhao's 詞 "ci" or tune lyric poem 聲聲慢 "Sheng Sheng Man" ('Note After Note' Slow Song), better known by the poem's first line 尋尋覓覓 which I have rendered as "O search, I search, and seek, I seek".
The poem was probably written in her later years after the demise of the Northern Song dynasty, her family's fleeing from the North to South of the Yangzi River, and her husband's untimely death, leaving her all alone with nothing but sorrow and woe.
As the poem is fairly long, and my notes even longer, I will simply invite you to read my rendition and notes and let me have your comments, kind or otherwise.
Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): Sheng Sheng
Man (Note after Note) [*O search, I search, and seek, I seek]
1 O search, I search and seek, I
seek;
2 Yet cold, so cold, alone, all
lonely;
3 O sad, I’m sad and down, I’m
down--- O bleak, so bleak!
4 At this a time when the clime,
oft sudden, from warm turns chilly,
5 ‘Tis hardest to tend to my poor
physique.
6 How could a three-or-twosome bowls
or cups of wine
7 Ever withstand the gusty winds that,
by evening, upon me wreak?
8 Migrating geese fly past,
9 Aching, breaking my heart;
10 Sweet old friends of mine they
were, they now, just squeak.
11 On the ground, yellow chrysanthemum
petals pile thick,
12 All weary, worn and waned;
13 By now, O what of flowers are
left for me to pick?
14 Watching by the window, alone---
15 O how I wish the hour of
darkness: come soon, come quick!
16 (The phoenix tree, drenched now
in fine drizzling mizzles,)
The phoenix tree, drenched now in fine mizzling drizzles, (revised 6.1.19)
The phoenix tree, drenched now in fine mizzling drizzles, (revised 6.1.19)
17 (‘Tis evening, in tears, dripping:)
'Tis evening, in tears, a-dripping: (revised 6.1.19)
'Tis evening, in tears, a-dripping: (revised 6.1.19)
17a (A dot, a dot, and a tick, a
tick …)
A dot, a dot, and a tick, a tick --- (revised 6.1.19)
A dot, a dot, and a tick, a tick --- (revised 6.1.19)
18 A time, O such as this,
19 How shall the one word ‘sorrow’
suffice, to bare a heart so sick?
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang
Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
26th November 2018 (revised 29.11.18;
3.12.18; 5.12.18; 6.1.19)
Translated from the original - 李清照: 聲聲慢 [*尋尋覓覓]
1
尋尋覓覓
2
冷冷清清
3
淒淒慘慘戚戚
4
乍暖還寒時候
5
最難將息
6
三杯两盞淡酒
7
怎敵他晚來風急
8
雁過也
9
正傷心
10
卻是舊時相識
11
滿地黄花堆積
12
憔悴損
13
如今有誰堪摘
14
守着窗兒
15
獨自怎生得黑
16
梧桐更兼細雨
17
到黃昏
17a 點點滴滴
18 這次第
19 怎一個愁字了得
Notes:-
*Form, Metre and Rhyme: The original is a long-short lined “tune lyric” or “ci” 詞 to the tune of 寄調
Sheng Sheng Man 聲聲慢
which is a “lyric pattern” (as the music is lost) in 2 stanzas
or halves with 49 characters in the first half and 48 in the second. This English rendition strictly follows the
same long-short lined lyric pattern but with a count of feet or beats (not
syllables) to determine the length of the lines. The long-short line-length scheme of both the
original and this rendition is: 4-4-6/6-4/6-7/3-3-6// 6-3-6/4-6/6-3-4/3-7//. (Please note I have used, here and for the
rhyme scheme below, the single slash “/” to represent the end of one sentence
and the double slash “//”, the end of the stanza.) The original adopts one single rhyme
throughout the poem with a rhyme scheme of: AxA/xA/xA/xxA// AxA/xA/xxA/xA//. Unable to find one single rhyme for the
entire poem (as there are far fewer rhyme words in English than Chinese), I
have in this rendition used the “-eak” rhyme for the first half and the “-ik”
rhyme for the second. Thus, the second
half of the rhyme scheme in this English rendition should be represented as:
BxB/xB/xxB/xB//. You will also wish to
note that in the original, the rhyme words are all in the “entering tone” 入聲 the sound of which
(here, the ending “-k” sound) has practically disappeared in Putonghua 普通話 but is still very
much alive in Cantonese 廣東話. For example, 覓(line 1) is
pronounced “mik” in Cantonese but “mi” in Putonghua, and 戚(line 3), “qik” in
Cantonese, has become “qi” in Putonghua. I am glad I have adopted the “-ik” rhyme for
the second half of the poem which happens to be the single rhyme of the whole
original poem read in Cantonese. I am
equally happy with the “-eak” rhyme for the first half, which is so close to
the “-ik” rhyme.
*Lines 1 to 3: These 3 lines of the original feature 7 pairs
of re-duplicated words (characters) 叠字, and of these, 6 pairs are perfectly re-duplicated in my English
rendition, viz. “search-search”, “seek-seek”, “cold-cold”, “sad-sad”, “down-down”,
and “bleak-bleak”, with the remaining pair re-duplicated, perhaps less
perfectly, in the stressed syllable “lone”, i.e. “alone-lonely”.
*Line 2:
冷冷清清 should be understood as in 冷清清
(empty, deserted, coldly treated, unfrequented), hence, the
feeling of coldness and loneliness, not physically cold. I have therefore rendered the 4 words as “Yet
cold, so cold, alone, all lonely”.
*Line 4:
The phrase 乍暖還寒 is usually used to refer to spring, but is used here to refer to
autumn which does have short spells of warm weather e.g. the Indian summer in
North America and the Autumn Tiger 秋老虎
in China. I have added
“oft sudden” (not in the original) to clarify the nature of this climatic
changeability.
*Line 5:
將息 is rendered as “to tend to my poor physique” with “poor” added for
clarity. 最難 is translated literally as “hardest”
after considering the grammatically correct “hard”.
*Line 6:
I have moved “How could” 怎 from line 7 to line 6 for line length considerations. I suggest reading “How could” da-dum with
“could” stressed. 淡酒 is translated
simply as “wine” after considering and discarding the rather wordy “a light/pale
wine”.
*Line 7:
怎敵他 is rendered as “How could (moved to line 6) … Ever withstand the (to
begin this line 7)”. Despite the
existence of a 曉來 (come dawn) version of the poem, I have decided for 晚來 which is translated
literally as “by evening”. 風急 is rendered as
“gusty winds … upon me wreak” with “upon me wreak” (not in the original) added
to make the poet the target of the winds’ vengeance.
*Lines 8 to 10: I have decided for “Migrating … fly past” in
line 8 and have added “they now, just squeak” (not in the original) to fully
convey the poet’s feeling of loneliness to see her old friends, the wild geese,
flying away just squeaking without stopping.
*Line 11:
I had considered but have now rejected shortening “chrysanthemum” to “‘santhemum”
or “chrysanth”. I suggest reading “On
the ground” with “On” stressed.
*Line 13:
I have decided for “By now, O what of flowers are left for me to pick?”
after considering “… are left I care to pick?”
*Line 14:
守着窗兒 is rendered as “Watching by the window” after considering “Watching
out of the window”, and I suggest reading it dum-da dum-da dum-da with the word
“by” stressed. I have moved 獨自 “alone” from line
15 up to the end of line 14 to make line 14 a 4-beat line.
*Line 15:
怎生得黑 is understood as “How am I to bear/suffer the long, long wait for the
hour of darkness to come?” and is rendered conversely as a wish: “O how I wish
the hour of darkness: come soon, come quick!”
*Lines 16 to 18: In line 16, 梧桐 is properly translated as “The phoenix
tree”, 更兼 is rendered as “drenched now in”, and 細雨 elaborated as “fine mizzling drizzles”;
followed by 到黃昏 “’Tis evening” in line 17 to which I have added “in tears a-dripping”
(not in the original), to pave the way to the onomatopoeia of 點點滴滴 in line 17a which
I have rendered as “A dot, a dot, and a tick, a tick ---” after considering “A
drop, a drop, and a drip, a drip …” (or “drip drop, drop drip) which I regard
as less than ideal despite the assonance of “-ip” and “-ik”
Posts
2 comments:
Hello again Andrew! Rather remiss of me not to have commented on your translations for a while! I hope to have enough time again to do so more often.
I find this poem and translation interesting for many reasons, but before discussing them I want to offer congratulations on managing to resolve the rhyme scheme in such an imaginative way...though I find the word "squeaking" a little awkward just to achieve consistency in the rhyme, with the cacophony that geese make, perhaps shrieking would be apt?
Anyway, that's a small point.
There's a couple of things I'd like to raise and ask your opinion, Andrew, if I may?
In "The Burden of Female Talent" a book by Ronald Egan, subtitled "The Poet Li Qingzhao and Her History in China" (highly recommended by the way), Egan challenges the cultural norms within which he suggests the poet's talents have been molded to make them "...compatible with ideals of womanly conduct and identity...". In discussing this particular poem (which he translates with a couple of significant differences), he does not state that the poem refers to the poet's late husband, rather implies the poet is reminiscing over her lost youthfulness, now "..hopelessly and irrevocably lost...". Is that something you would dispute?
Certainly, in his book, Egan draws attention to the unusual use of "sorrow" in the final line; without attempting to match the rhyme or form, he translates this line to "How could the word 'sorrow ever suffice", matching your own interpretation. The one word so ordinarily and frequently used poetically to define a woman's emotional state by other predominately male poets is being challenged as inadequate to express her and by perhaps association other females' true emotional state.
The Poet's sorrow expressed here reflects her sorrow also addressed in the poem to the tune "Spring in Wuling", 武陵春
...
只恐雙溪舴艋舟,
載不動
許多愁
Where the "grasshopper boats" (Wendy Chen's translation, and agrees with the explanation in 玉篇 ) cannot bear the weight of the Poet's sorrow.
The Poet, perhaps unusually, is very direct at expressing her sorrow, but in both poems is reluctant to express the cause of her distress - does this imply that such distress is a given, the burden of the female? Not only is the Poet remote from her Northern home, reminded again how far away by the flying geese, dissatisfied with the emperor's decision to withdraw South, but she has to deal with her husband's "indiscretions", perhaps her only escape is poetry, as even a relaxing excursion in her "grasshopper boat" is too much.
I would like to challenge line 15 in the translation, wishing that the hour of darkness should soon arrive. I prefer to read this differently, rather the Poet is wondering how the sky can have become so black, reflecting the dark foreboding mood of the poem; especially so as line 17 shows that dusk has fallen: the Poet has sat by the window, lost in melancholy and surprised at how dark it has become.
Have you considered that reference to Chrysanthemums in line 11, and described so painfully in the next line, may refer to Kaifeng, sacked by Jurchen invaders in 1127, until then the capital of the Song Dynasty and famous for its chryanthemums? Perhaps the geese have flown from there on their southward migration, reminding the Poet of her lost home.
The Poet certainly had much to be sorrowful about!
I thank Ray Heaton for his learned comment to which I will respond shortly. Meanwhile, I have slightly revised my line 16 to 18 as follows:-
16- The phoenix tree, now drenched in fine mizzling drizzles,
17- 'Tis evening, in tears a-dripping:
18- A dot, a dot, and a tick, a tick ---
I have effected these amendments on my original post.
Post a Comment