Liu Yuxi: Lane of Black-Gown Mansions 劉禹錫: 烏衣巷

What follows is my latest translation in which I can be accused of trying to "naturalized" Chinese poetry into English by the omision of 2 Chinese surnames (Wang and Xie) and the addition of 2 English surnames (Jones and Smith). Grateful for your comments.

劉禹鍚: 烏衣巷
Liu Yuxi (772-842): Lane of Black-Gown Mansions

1 朱雀橋邊野草花
2 烏衣巷口夕陽斜
3 舊時王謝堂前燕
4 飛入尋常百姓家

1 By the Bridge of the Heavenly Red-Bird, rank weeds over grow;
2 At the Lane of Black-Gown Mansions, the dying sun sinks low.
3 ‘Neath the eaves of the high and mighty, swallows used to nest, but
4 Now, to homes of the commoners, of the Joneses and Smiths they go.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黄宏發
29th June 2009 (revised 30.6.09; 1.7.09)

Notes:
* This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.
* Title and lines 2 and 3: 烏衣巷 literally Black Gown Lane was, in the Eastern Jin Dynasty (317-420), a lane in the capital Jiankang 建康 (present day Nanjing) to the south the River Qinhuai 秦淮, exclusive to the rich and powerful including Wang 王(導)and Xie 謝(安) families (the two surnames versified in line 3) whose members wore black gowns, hence, that name; and to make that name readily understandable in English, I have added the word “Mansions” to “the Lane of the Black-Gown” in the title and line 2 and omitted Wang and Xie in line 3.
* Line 1: 朱雀 (red bird) is a Chinese geomancy (fengshui 風水) position which is to the front (South) of the centre, with 玄武 (black tortoise-snake) to the back (North), 青龍 (blue dragon) to the left (East) and 白虎 (white tiger) to the right (West), all being references to cluster of stars. I have, therefore, translated it not by the names of birds as either “rose-finch” or “red-finch” but simply “Bridge of the Red-Bird” which bridge leads to the nearby “Lane of Black-Gown Mansions”. The Bridge, then a pontoon or floating bridge, was named after a Gate of the same name 朱雀門 on which must have exhibited some sign, statue or, at least, an inscription signifying its noble heavenly status, hence, I have included the word “Heavenly” before “Red-Bird”. I am grateful to Xu Yuan-zhong 許淵沖 for the word “rank” to translate 野 (p.283 of his, et alias (eds.), “300 Tang Poems -- A New Translation”) which sounds much better than “wild” or “unwieldy”. Like him, I have omitted 花 “flowers” in my translation as such an inclusion would, in English, paint a beautiful and not a picture of decay.
* Lines 3 and 4: I have used “the high and mighty” to translate 王謝 Wang and Xie (see note on Title) as these two surnames make no sense in English to one who does not know the allusion.. I take the 2 lines to mean swallows nesting, and not flying/skimming/skipping/dipping. I have, therefore, used the more habitually correct “’Neath the eaves” instead of the more literal “In the forecourts” in line 3 and “go” instead of “fly into” in line 4. Emboldened by my dropping the two Chinese surnames in line 3, I have decided to add two English surnames (Jones and Smith) to translate 百姓, meaning “the people”, literally “hundred surnames” in line 4. Incidentally, the “Smiths” top the rank, with the “Joneses” coming second, in the “Top 100 English Surnames” in www.genealogy.about.com. I have decided against using the 2 top Chinese surnames of 陳李 “Chan’s and Lee’s” (Cantonese pronunciation) or “Chen’s and Li’s” (Putonghua) according to one version of the 百家姓 “Top 100 Chinese Surnames” and of 趙錢 “Chiu’s and Tsin’s” (Cantonese) or “Zhao’s and Qian’s” (Putonghua) according to another for the same reason I have dropped 王謝 “Wang and Xie”. If one still insist to have the line to sound more exotic/oriental, the line can read: “Now, to homes of the commoners, of the Parks (a Korean surname) and Singhs (an Indian surname) they go”.

Du Mu: Moored on River Qinhuai 杜牧: 泊秦淮

I have been to Nanjing twice recently, both in May, and visited River Qinhuai where I imbibed no wine but tea. A little secret, the Nanjing local tea called Yuhua 雨花 (Rain Flower) is truly super. You must try it when you go there next. Let me now offer you my latest translation:-

杜牧: 泊秦淮
Du Mu (803-852): Moored on River Qinhuai

1 煙籠寒水月籠沙
2 夜泊秦淮近酒家
3 商女不知亡國恨
4 隔江猶唱後庭花

1 Mist-clad, the coldish water! Moon-filled, the riverside sand!
2 I moor for the night on the Qinhuai, where wining houses stand.
3 O simple song-girls know not, the shame of a kingdom demised,
4 Still sing from o’er the river, that song by the merry king’s hand.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
2nd June 2009 (revised 3.6.09; 4.6.09; 5.6.09; 6.6.09; 8.6.09)

Notes:
* This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.
* Title and lines 1, 2 and 4: “Qinhuai” 秦淮 is a river in present day Nanjing 南京, an ancient capital. I have added the word “River” in the title and the word “riverside” in line 1 to make clear that 秦淮 “Qinhuai” in the title and “the Qinhuai” in line 2 is a river.
* Line 2: I had considered “wining halls at hand” and “wine-halls close at hand”, but have decided against them as “at hand” suggests an inclination to frequent the wine halls which is not suggested by the poem as a whole. I have used the very neutral formulation of “moor...on…where…stand” in order to capture a “not far from” meaning of 近; however, if the literal word of “near” is preferred, an alternative would be “near the wine-hall strand” which does not sound as good.
* Lines 3 and 4: I have used “kingdom demised” in line 3 rather than “nation”, “country” or “land” to pave the way to my translating the song/tune referred to in line 4 not by its title but by its author. 後庭花 (literally: Rear= Inner Yard Flowers), abbreviated from 玉樹 etc. (literally: Jade=Graceful Trees etc.), is the title of a song/tune purportedly written by 陳叔寳 Chen Subao popularly known as 陳後主 (the Last Lord of Chen) of the Southern Chen Dynasty 南陳 (capital present day Nanjing, then called 建康) which ruled over the southern half of China prior to unification by the 隋 Sui Dynasty. He was most licentious during his short reign (582-589) when he and his court indulged daily in wine and dine, song and dance which led to the fall of the dynasty. I have chosen not to translate the reference to the song/tune by the title (which does not tell much without the assistance of a long note), but by the authorship (which makes sense even without this note), hence, the line “Still sing from o’er the river, that song by the merry king’s hand”. I had considered “gay king’s hand”, but have decided against it for its homosexual connotations. A worse case would be “gay lord’s hand”. The word “merry” can be replaced by “same” or “very” (which means the same) if one wishes to be minimalist. However, that song (including that music and that lifestyle) had always been considered to be the cause of the fall of the dynasty, 亡國之音, the music that brings down a nation, so to speak.

Du Mu: Given on Parting 杜牧: 贈別(多情卻似...)

What follows is my latest work. Please note that I have used 2 words which are not in good currency, viz. "merry-make" and "heartful" which I believe are most appropriate for 笑 in line 2 and 有心 in line 3 respectively, in the context of the poem. Please also mark the sharp image of "the candle melting in tears" in lines 3 and 4.

杜牧: 贈別 其二(多情卻似 …)
Du Mu (803-852): Given on Parting II (Fond are my feelings, yet …)

1 多情卻似總無情
2 唯覺樽前笑不成
3 蠟燭有心還惜別
4 替人垂淚到天明

1 Fond are my feelings yet unfeeling I feign;
2 Before the wine-flask we merry-make in vain.
3 The heartful candle, our parting, it grieves,
4 And in tears it melts till it’s morning again

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
17th May 2009 (revised 18.5.09; 19.5.09; 20.5.09)

Notes:
* This English rendition is in tetrameter (4 metrical feet) while the original is in 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.
* Alternative rendition: With the same rhyme scheme, the verse can alternatively be rhymed and written as follows:
1 Fond are my feelings, I unfeeling appear;
2 Before the wine-flask, no laughter, I fear.
3 The heartful candle, our parting, it grieves,
4 And in tears it melts, till morning is here
* Lines 3 and 4: In line 3, “heartful”, a word extant but not in good currency, is the best choice for 有心 since both hint at the candlewick 燭芯. A possible but less than ideal substitute is “heartfelt”. If this were to be preferred, the line should read “Heartfelt, the candle, our …” in either version.
For lines 3 and 4, I had originally penned them as “The candle, for our parting, its heart out, it weeps, A-dribbling teardrops, till it’s daylight again.” I have decided against them for being less than faithful to the original and far too exaggerated. Please compare “the candle - heartful - grieves - our parting” to “the candle - weeps - its heart out - for our parting” (line 3), and “melts - in tears” to “a-dribbling teardrops” (line 4).

Liu Yuxi: Song of Bamboo Twigs I 劉禹錫: 竹枝詞 其一

Here is another love-song from another great Tang master. Hope you enjoy it.

劉禹錫: 竹枝詞 其一 (楊柳青青)
Liu Yuxi (772-842): Song of Bamboo Twigs: I (Green. oh, green is the willow)

1 楊柳青青江水平
2 聞郎江上唱歌聲
3 東邊日出西邊雨
4 道是無晴卻有晴

1 Green, oh, green is the willow, placid, peaceful the flow,
2 Hark and I hear on the river, songs from my love, my beau.
3 To the east, the sun is up, to the west, drizzles persist;
4 Though they say the sun is naught, to me, the sun is aglow.

translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黄宏發
30th October 2008 (revised 3.11.08; 5.11.08; 17.11.08; 16.12.08; 25.2.09; 28.4.09)

Notes:
* The original poem is in 7-character lines. This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet). The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.
* Line 1: I had considered “Green, serene” but have decided that “Green, oh, green” is better for being more faithful to the original.
* Line 2: Following “love”, the word “beau” should be taken to mean lover or suitor only, and not dandy or fop.
* Line 4: The main difficulty in this line is that in Chinese, 晴 (meaning sunny) and 情 (meaning love, affection) have the same sound, thus creating, with 無 (no/not) and 有 (have/is), a double meaning of 無晴-有晴 and 無情-有情. I think my rendition has covered it well, particularly having written “songs from my love, my beau” in line 2. If “to me, the sun is aglow” is considered too subtle, an excellent alternative is “for me, my sun is aglow”.

Cui Hu: At a Homestead South of the Capital City 崔護: 題都城南莊

What follows is my latest translation. I hope you will enjoy it.

崔護: 題都城南莊(昔所見)
Cui Hu (circa 796): At a Homestead South of the Capital City (Reminiscence)

1 去年今日此門中
2 人面桃花相映紅
3 人面知(祇今)何處去
4 桃花依舊笑春風

1 ‘Twas today, at this doorway, a year ago,
2 Her face and peach-blows re-doubly aglow.
3 Her face is gone now, whereto unknown, yet
4 Peach-blows beam on, as spring-winds flow.

translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
11th March 2009 (revised 12.3.09; 16.3.09; 19.3.09)

Notes:
* The original is in 7-character lines. This English rendition is in tetrameter (4 metrical feet). The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.
* Line 1: I had considered “portal”, “door”, “gate”, “front-door”, “doorstep”, “threshold”, “gateway”, etc. but have now decided for “doorway” to rhyme internally with “today”.
* Lines 2 and 3: I had considered “A/The face” for line 2 and “That face” for line 3 to retain the ambiguity of the original, but have decided for “Her face” to make the two lines personal (and a face by the peach flowers must belong to a young lady), yet not as personal as “Your face”.
* Lines 2 and 4: I had used “peach-blooms” but have now decided for “peach-blows”
* Line 2: I have interpreted 相 to mean both 共 “together”, “in unison”, etc. and 交互 “at each other/one another”, “mutual”, “reciprocal”, etc. and have coined the word “re-doubly” to translate 相映紅 as “re-doubly aglow”. If “re-doubly” is considered odd, an alternative is “redoubled their glow”.
* Line 3: I had used “I know not where” but have now decided for “whereto unknown”.
* Line 4: I had considered “still beam” but have decided for “beam on” to translate 依舊 “as of old”. I have interpreted 笑春風 to mean “smile/beam in the spring winds” and not “to laugh at the spring winds”. I have decided to use “flow”, instead of “blow”, to speak of the gentle spring winds.

Wang Changling: At the Lotus Inn to Bid Adieu to Xin Jian 王昌齡: 芙蓉樓送辛漸

I hope you will enjoy this rendition, particularly "My heart is ice immaculate, abiding in a vessel pristine" to translate "一片冰心在玉壺".

王昌齡: 芙蓉樓送辛漸
Wang Changling (698-757): At the Lotus Inn to Bid Adieu to Xin Jian

1 寒雨連江(天)夜入吳
2 平明送客楚山孤
3 洛陽親友如相問
4 一片冰心在玉壺

1 Tonight, into Wu, o’er the River, it rains of sleet so keen;
2 Come dawn alone you’ll depart, by the hills of Chu in between.
3 If my kin and kith in Louyang, should after me they ask, well
4 My heart is ice immaculate, abiding in a vessel pristine.

translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黄宏發
11th January 2009 (revised 13.1.09; 14.1.09; 15.1.09; 19.1.09; 18.2.09)

Notes:
* The original is in 7-character lines. This English rendition is in hexameter (6 metrical feet). The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original.
* Title: I have taken 芙蓉 to refer to 水芙蓉 “lotus” rather than 木芙蓉 or 木槿 “hibiscus”, hence, “the Lotus Inn” to name the inn/restaurant situated at the north-western corner of the city wall of Zhenjiang 鎮江 on the south bank of and closest to the River 長江.
* Line 1: I have taken 夜入吳 “entering Wu at night” to mean 寒雨 “sleet” and not the poet or his friend Xin Jian or both of them entering Wu.
* Line 2: I have taken 楚山孤 (Chu hills alone/desolate) to mean the poet’s friend Xin Jian travelling through the hills of Chu “alone” and not to mean the “desolate” hills of Chu.
* Line 3: I had considered “family and friends” but have decided for “kin and kith” as the word “family” suggests wife and children which I do not believe is the poet’s meaning. I had considered “say”, “pray”, “oh” and “ah” as a connective, but have decided for “well”. Perhaps, I can do without the connective.
* Line 4: The image here is obviously 冰-ice清-clean玉-jade潔- clean. I have, therefore, added “immaculate/pure” to explain “ice” and omitted “jade” (which in this context should be “white jade” 白玉, but “jade” 玉 standing alone creates a mistaken green image) in favour of a “clean vessel”, hence, “vessel pristine”. I had considered “Like ice immaculate is my heart”, “My heart is like ice immaculate”, “As pure as ice is my heart”, “Pure like ice is my heart” and “Immaculate like ice is my heart”, but have decided for “My heart is ice immaculate”. I had considered “alive”, “vibrant”, “throbbing”, “vibrating” to go with “in a vessel pristine” so as to dispel any image of an “icy, cold heart” but decided that the adjectives “immaculate/pure” and “pristine” are powerful enough and that “alive” etc. would add too much to the meaning. I had then considered the plainer and more neutral words of “held”, “kept”, “laid”, “resting”, “lying” and “sitting” and have decided for “abiding”.

李白: 黄鶴樓送孟浩然 Li Bai: At the Yellow Crane Tower to Bid Meng Haoran Bon Voyage

Happy New Year! This is the 2nd day of 2009 and I am posting 2 renditions of Li Bai's "Yellow Crane Tower" so as to report to you how I failed in my first attempt of March 2007 soon after I picked up the hobby. Although I never posted it, I did share it with some of my friends. As if to comfort myself, I called it unorthodox. They agreed probably for the same reason.

李白: 黄鶴樓送孟浩然之廣陵
Li Bai (701—762): At the Yellow Crane Tower: to Bid Meng Haoran Bon Voyage to Guangling

1 故人西辭黃鶴樓
2 煙花三月下揚州
3 孤帆遠影碧山(空)盡
4 惟見長江天際流

1 At the Tower of Yellow Crane, my friend, to the west you said goodbye,
2 In this misty, flowery early spring, for Yangzhou downstream you ply.
3 A speck, a silhouette is your lonely sail, to the verdant hills receding, till
4 In my eyes there’s only the long, Long River, rolling to the verge of the sky.

translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黄宏發
19th December 2008 (revised 22.12.08; 23.12.08; 29.12.08)

Notes:
* This English rendition is in heptameter (7 metrical feet) to emulate the original 7-character lines. The rhyme scheme is AABA as in the original. This in fact is the first poem I attempted since picking up the hobby in March 2007. This first attempt, revised up to August 2007, was never published and was abandoned as it is far too unorthodox. It is, however, reproduced below in the note on the abandoned translation to record my failure.
* Title: “Yellow Crane Tower” or “Tower of Yellow Crane” is in present-day Wuhan in Hubei Province to the west of “Guangling” or “Yangzhou”. Meng Haoran, also a poet, was a friend of Li Bai’s. Guangling is present-day Yangzhou in Jiangsu Province and was then also known as Yangzhou, hence, its appearance in the text in line 2.
* Line 2: I had considered “the mists and blossoms of March and April” but have decided to use “this misty, flowery early spring”to translate 煙花三月, 三月 being the third month on the lunar calendar. Other translations have vatriously adopted “March” or “April”.“Yangzhou” can be replaced by “the City”or “the Grand City” or even “Youngborough”, which I do not prefer.
* Line 3: I have adopted the 碧山 “verdant hills” version instead of the 碧空 “heavens azure” or “blue void” version. I had considered “fading into the verdant hills” and “to the verdant hills you recede”, but have decided for “to the verdant hills receding”.
* Line 4: The word “my” should be pronounced unstressed as “mi”. The first “long (長)” is added to recognize that it was the poet’s conscious choice to describe the river as long. He could have described it as “grand (大)”. 江 (river) was the original name of this particular river. With this first “long”, the second “Long” should be unstressed.
* The abandoned translation of March 2007 revised up to August 2007:
1.1 Alas! my friend, for years my best,
1.2 You bade farewell to your native west,
1.3 At the Yellow Crane Tower, we parted.
2.1 Willows are misting, flowers in splendour,
2.2 In this third month on the lunar calendar,
2.3 Downstream to Yangzhou, you departed.
3.1 The solitary sail for you they set,
3.2 By now, is but a distant silhouette,
3.3 Fading into the hills and heavens azure.
4.1 And the only sight remaining clear,
4.2 Is the vista of the River long and drear,
4.3 Rolling to where the horizons obscure.
translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa) 譯者: 黃宏發
29th March 2007 (revised 4.4.07; 10.4.07; 26.4.07; 10.5.07; 14.5.07 27.07:17.7.07; 18.7.07; 23.7.07; 30.7.07; 14.8.07)