22 October 2019

元稹 Yuan Zhen: 行宮 The Adjunct Palace

Today, I am posting my latest rendition, a quatrain by Yuan Zhen 元稹, a contemporary and great friend of Bai Juyi 白居易.  I hope you will enjoy this.  Please also read my notes to learn that Bai Juyi had written much longer poems on the same Emperor and to know a little about the posthumous titles of Emperors.  You may wish to read up on Herbert Allen Giles to whom I owe a great debt.

Postscript:  I have further considered "their Emperor's" in line 4 and have decided that "His Majesty's" would look and sound more appropriate.  I have revised the text and the notes accordingly as if they had been posted a few hours ago.

Yuan Zhen (779-831): The Adjunct Palace

1   In the vacant ancient Adjunct Palace towers,
2   Quietly, glowing, the poor red palace flowers.
3   Here still reside some white-haired palace ladies,
4   Sit idly recounting His Majesty’s bygone hours.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發
2 October 2019 (revised 4.10.19; 6.10.19; 7.10.19; 8.10.19; 9.10.19; 22.10.19)
Translated from the original – 元稹: 行宮

1   寥落古行宮
2   宮花寂寞紅
3   白頭宮女在
4   閒坐說玄宗

Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  This English rendition is a quatrain in pentameter (5 feet or beats) to emulate the original which is a 5-character “jueju” 絕句 (quatrain).  To emulate the original, I have also given a caesura (pause) after the first 2 feet or beats for each 5-beat line.  The rhyme scheme is AAxA as in the original.  I am grateful to the great pioneering British translator (of Chinese into English) Herbert Allen Giles (1845-1935), from whom I have borrowed his “bowers – flowers – hours” rhyme.  Please note, I have in my rendition used “towers” instead of his “bowers”.  Giles’ rendition is as follows:
Deserted now the imperial bowers
Save by some few poor lonely flowers …
One white-haired dame
Sits down and tells of bygone hours.

*Title:  (travel) (palace) means a place where the monarch stays when he is travelling away from the palace in the capital.  However, I do not take it to be a general term as, in my view, it refers to a specific palace, the “Shangyang Palace” 上陽宮 in the equally ancient, if not older, city of Loyang 洛陽 which was, in the Tang dynasty, the / / 輔都 adjunct/ auxiliary capital known as 東京 (Eastern Capital) with Chang’an 長安 the capital known as 西京 (Western Capital).   I have, therefore, rendered the title 行宮 as “Adjunct Palace”.  The predicament of the ladies in the Shangyang Palace is detailed in a fairly long 七言古詩old-style poem by白居易 Bai Juyi entitled 上陽白髮人 “Shangyang’s White-haired Ladies”.

*Line 1:  寥落 is rendered as “(In the) vacant”.  古行宮 is rendered as “ancient Adjunct Palace towers” with “Adjunct Palace” capitalized to make the palace specific, and with “towers” (instead of Giles’ “bowers”, being more fitting for the Adjunct Palace) added to begin the “towers – flowers – hours” rhyme.

*Line 2:  宮花 is translated literally as “palace flowers” to depict a garden scene and to retain the ambiguity of using “palace flowers” to allude to “palace ladies”.  is rendered as “Quietly … the poor” to cover both “quietly” and 寂寞 “poor (to mean lonely, i.e. unadmired)”, and is translated literally as “glowing … red” with “glowing” added to cover the additional use of the word as a verb to mean 開花 “blooming”.

*Line 3:  (white) (head) is properly rendered as “white-haired” rather than “white-headed”. 宮女 is translated literally as “some … palace ladies” (after rejecting “maids” for being too young), and is rendered in the plural to make sense of more than one lady sitting, chit-chatting in line 4.  is rendered as ”Here still reside” after considering “There in still live”.

*Line 4:  閒坐 is translated literally as “Sit idly”.   is rendered as “recounting” after considering “to talk/ tell/ speak of”.  玄宗 (Xuanzong) refers to 李隆基 Li Longji (685-762), the ninth Emperor of the Tang dynasty, who reigned for 44 years from 712 to 756 when he was “elevated” (deemed abdicated) by his crown prince 李亨 Li Heng to the position of 太上皇 “Senior Emperor”  He has come to be popularly known as唐明皇 “the Good (as in 明君) Emperor of Tang” and remembered well for his love for his concubine Lady Yang (玉環)貴妃.  (白居易 Bai Juyi has another famous 七言古詩old style poem entitled 長恨歌 “Song of Lasting Sorrow” on Xuanzong and Lady Yang.)  Xuanzong is a 廟號 “posthumous title in the ancestral temple” given to a monarch after his death.  (Please note, this is not just a 謚號 “posthumous title of honour” which may be given, upon death, to monarchs and subjects alike; you may also wish to note that Xuanzong’s 謚號 is 至道大聖大明孝皇帝.)  I had originally considered simply transliterating玄宗 to make the line end as “Xuanzong’s bygone hours”, but have now decided to make his status explicit.  I have, therefore, decided for “His Majesty’s bygone hours”, after considering “their/ the/ old/ the late Emperor’s bygone hours".  I have added “bygone hours” to complete the meaning and the rhyme.  I had originally considered qualifying “hours” with words such as “glorious/ majestic/ glamour/ joyous/ golden/ etc.", but have rejected them for adding too much to the original, while “bygone” is a more appropriate word as it simply refers to the past of the Emperor.  For the use of “bygone hours”and, in particular, the word “bygone”, I gratefully acknowledge my debt to Herbert Giles’ rendition.

12 September 2019

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 烏江 -- 夏日絕句 River Wu -- Quatrain Written on a Summer Day

Today, I am posting a quatrain by Li Qingzhao which was probably written on a summer day when travelling pass River Wu where was located a shrine in honour of the Grand Lord of Western Chu, Xiang Yu (after the fall of the Qin dynasty) who lost the empire to the Lord of Han, Liu Bang.  The struggle between the two is immortalized on the Chinese chess board with the words 楚河 Chu River, 漢界 Han Boundary.  Here goes my rendition:

Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): River Wu -- Quatrain Written on a Summer Day

1    In life, among men, be a leader;
2    In death, of the dead, a hero be.
3    Till now, Lord Xiang Yu is still remembered:
4    In defeat, he’d rather die than flee.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發
16th June 2019 (17.6.19; 18.6.19; 19.6.19)
Translated from the original - 李清照﹕烏江 -- 夏日絕句

1    生當作人傑
2    死亦為鬼雄
3    至今思項羽
5    不肯過江東

Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a 5-character quatrain or “jueju” 絕句 which is a 4-lined short poem.  This English rendition is in tetrameter (4 beats or feet) largely iambic in metre.  The rhyme scheme is XAXA as in the original.

*Lines 1 and 2:  These 2 lines are exhortations.  I have taken in line 1 and in line 2 to mean “in living” and “in dying” (not “when alive” and “when dead”).  They are, therefore, rendered as “In life” and “In death” respectively.  (should) (be) (men) (outstanding) in line 1 is rendered as “among men, be a leader” (= be a leader of men), and (also) (be) (ghosts) (strong hero) in line 2 is rendered as “of the dead, a hero be” (= be a hero of the dead).

*Line 3:  至今 is translated literally as “Till now”.  I have taken (think) in this context to mean 思念(remember, in this case, the dead) and have, therefore, translated it also literally as “is still remembered”.  項羽, being a name, is transliterated with the word “Lord” added to hint at the fact that he was the Grand Lord of Western Chu 西楚霸() vying against the Lord of Han 漢王 Liu Bang 劉邦 for the Qin dynasty 秦朝 Chinese empire.  Although it was Xiang Yu who crushed the Qin army and ended the Qin dynasty in 206 BC and was the strongest of all lords, he was in the end defeated by Liu Bang, the Lord of Han, who successfully established the Han dynasty 漢朝 on Xiang Yu’s death in 202 BC.

*Line 4:  不肯(refuse) (to cross/go to) (river) (east) is rendered as “In defeat, would rather die than flee” with (a) “In defeat” added to give the context, (b) “he’d rather … than …” used to render 不肯, and (c) “(rather) die” and “(than) flee” introduced to tell the story of his refusal to take the escape boat to return to his homeland east of the river.  According to history, in defeat, Xiang Yu retreated to River Wu 烏江 (a tributary of the Yangzi River) where an escape boat was waiting; but he refused to board the boat, and took his own life by the riverside. 

  

16 August 2019

温庭筠 Wen Tingyun: 瑶瑟怨 A Plaint on the Jade Zither


Today, I am posting my latest rendition of a quatrain by the great Late Tang dynasty poet Wen Tingyun.  I suggest reading it out loud to begin to appreciate this subtle and restrained plaint of a lady whose husband is away.  The lady is sleepless and rises to play the zither to vent her plaint, hence, zither (not lute) in the title.

Wen Tingyun (812-870): A Plaint on the Jade Zither

1  An ice-cool mat, my silvery bedding, O sleepless, dreamless tonight;
2  The deep blue sky, supple like water, the night clouds, scanty and light.
3  Crying wild geese fly far to the south, to the Rivers of Xiao and Xiang,
4  Here in the land of Twelve Mansions, of itself the moon shines bright.
                  
Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)  譯者: 黃宏發
24 July 2019 (revised 29.7.19; 30.7.19)
Translated from the original - 温庭筠: 瑶瑟怨

1  冰簟銀床夢不成
2  碧天如水夜雲輕
3  雁聲遠過瀟湘去
4  十二樓中月自明

Notes:

*Title:  This is the plaint of a lady whose husband is away from home.  In the poem, her grief is restrained and subtle, with the word “Plaint” appearing only in the title, and with only a hint of her grief in 夢不成 “sleepless, dreamless” in line 1 of the poem itself.  “se” is a 16 or 25 stringed musical instrument.  It has been translated by one and many as “lute”.  I am afraid this is incorrect as “lute” is shaped and played like a guitar while (and similarly the 7 stringed “qin” or 古琴 “guqin”) is shaped and played like a zither placed horizontally in front of the player.  is, therefore, rendered here as “Zither”.  You may wish to visit the web for an article written by John Thompson on the origins and popularity of translating and as “lute”, http://www.silkqin.com/11misc/lute.htm.  refers to fine jade decorating the zither, and is simply rendered as “Jade”.   

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a 7-character 七言 quatrain or”jueju” 絕句.  This
English rendition is a quatrain in heptameter (7 feet or beats) to emulate the original.  The
rhyme scheme is AAXA as in the original.

*Line 1:  (ice) (mat) is translated as “An ice-cool mat” after rejecting “ An icy mat” as the word is used here to describe the coolness, or even coldness, and not the iciness.   in 銀床 (silver, bed) can be taken literally as “silver” (made of or decorated with silver) and metaphorically as “moonlit” in the adjective “silvery” (appear silvery in the moonlight).  It is, therefore, rendered as “my silvery bedding” to cover both meanings, after considering “my moonlit bedding”.  (dream) (not) is rendered as “O sleepless, dreamless tonight” with “sleepless” and “tonight” added to account for what she does on that insomnious night (tonight): playing the zither, looking up the sky, listening to the wild geese, and thinking of her husband who must be looking at the same moon.

*Line 2: (blue) (sky) is translated as “The deep blue sky”; (like) (water) is rendered as “supple like water” with “supple” added after considering “soft” and “gentle”.  (night) (clouds) (light) is rendered as “the night clouds, scanty and light”.

*Line 3:  (wild geese) (cries) is rendered as “Crying wild geese” as I have taken “the cries of the wild geese” as a synecdoche for “the wild geese, flying and crying”.  (Xiao) and (Xiang) refer to the Rivers Xiao and Xiang (in present day Hunan 湖南 Province) which flow into 洞庭湖 Lake Dongting, then 長江 River Yangzi, all to the south of the capital city 長安 Chang’an.  瀟湘 is, therefore, transliterated and rendered as “the Rivers of Xiao and Xiang”   (far) (go, cross) … (to) is rendered as ‘fly far to the south, to …” with “the south” added to indicate the direction of flight (south) and, hence, the season (autumn).

*Line 4:  十二 (ten-and-two, twelve) (towers, mansions) refers to a place where the immortals or nobles live.  It should not be taken to mean a 12-storeyed tower or mansion or house as the ancient Chinese never built residential structures of more than a few storeys high.  十二樓 is, therefore, reasonably taken to mean a land named after its having 12 rather tall buildings, and is, hence, rendered as “land of Twelve Mansions” after considering “land of Towers Twelve” and “land of Towers Dodeca (Greek for twelve, 2 and 10)”.  (middle, in) is rendered as “Here in the …..”  (moon) (self) (bright) is translated literally as “of itself the moon shines bright”.  

15 July 2019

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 南歌子 Nan Ge Zi/ A Southern Song -- 悼亡 Mourning the Dead

Today, I am posting my latest rendition of yet another tune lyric poem 詞 by the great Song 宋 dynasty lady poet Li Qingzhao 李清照.  The poem was probably written some time after the death of the poet's husband Zhao Mingcheng 趙明誠.  The poem is a superb example of a plain and personal yet subtle and restrained elegy mourning the loss of her husband.

Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): Nan Ge Zi/ A Southern Song – Mourning the Dead

1   Up in the heavens, the starry river turns;
2   Down here on earth, curtains, drapes hang low.
3   The air chilling, my tears dripping, dousing my mat and pillow;
4   I rise to disrobe my silken o'erclothes, and idly wonder
4a How old the night has grown.

5   ‘Tis a robe of small lotus-pods, patched on in green,
6   And a few leaves of the lotus, gilt-threaded, yellowed.
7   The same seasonal clime of old time, the selfsame old-time robe;
8   Only my sentiments aren't quite the same, as those I'd known    
8a In our days in time of old.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發
26 June 2019 (revised 3.7.19; 4.7.19; 5.7.19; 9.7.19; 12.7.19; 14.7.19; 20.7.19; 31.7.19)
Translated from the original - 李清照: 南歌子 -- 悼亡

1   天上星河轉
2   人間簾幕垂
3   涼生枕簟淚痕滋
4   起解羅衣聊問
4a 夜何其

5   翠貼蓮蓬小
6   金銷藕葉稀
7   舊時天氣舊時衣
8   只有情懷不似
8a 舊家時

Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a tune lyric poem or “ci” to the tune of Nan Ge Zi 南歌子 (A Southern Song), entitled 悼亡 “Mourning the Dead”, which is in 2 stanzas of 26 characters (=single syllable words) each with a line length pattern of 5-5/ 7-9 (or 4-5)// 5-5/ 7-9 (or 4-5)//. This English rendition follows the same pattern, counting feet or beats (not words nor syllables) for the line length.  This English rendition also follows strictly the rhyme scheme of the original: xA/ AA (or AxA)// xA/ AA (or AxA).  Unable to find perfect rhyme words (as there are far fewer such words in the English language than the Chinese), I have used the assonance of the “ou” sound as rhyme: “low -2”, “pillow -3”, “grown -4a”, “yellowed -6”, “robe -7”, and “old -8a”.

*Line 1:  (sky) (above) is rendered as “Up in the heavens”.  (stars) (river) refers to the Milky Way and is translated literally as “the starry river”, and (turn), also literally as “turns”.

*Line 2:  (human beings) (amid, world) is rendered as “Down here on earth”.  I suggest reading “here” unstressed.  簾幕 (screen, curtain) (drop closed) is translated as “curtains, drapes hang low”.

*Line 3: (coolness) (emanating) is rendered as “The air chilling”.  (pillow) (mat) is translated literally as “my mat and pillow” and moved to the end of the line.  (tears) (stain) (thrive) is rendered as “my tears dripping, dousing …” and moved to the middle of the line.

*Lines 4 and 4a:  (rise) (untie) (silk) (clothes) in line 4 is rendered as “I rise to disrobe my silken o’erclothes”.  (casually) (ask) in line 4 is rendered as "and idly wonder, and  (night) 何其 (how so) in line 4a, as “How old the night has grown”.  I am grateful to the famed Chinese poetry translator 許淵冲 Xu Yuanchong from whom I have borrowed his rendition of the same as “Wondering how old night has grown” (p. 403 in his “Bilingual Edition 300 Song Lyrics”, Higher Education Press, Beijing, 2004).

*Lines 5 and 6:  In the original, these 2 lines describe the embroidery on a piece of clothing without saying it is a piece of clothing and without indicating whether it is being changed into or changed out of.  These lines follow from “I disrobe …” in line 4.  To make sense of them, I have added “’Tis a robe of” to begin the lines.  The very specific word “robe” is chosen as it makes better sense for an embroidered piece of clothing, after having considered the less specific words of “gown” and “dress” which can refer to nightclothes.  

*Line 5:  (green) (patched) is rendered as “patched on in green”.  (lotus) (pods) (small) is literally translated as “small lotus-pods”.  These reveal that the pattern of the embroidery on the dress is primarily that of many new and young, therefore, “small” and “green” lotus-pods which would eventually bear a myriad of lotus seeds.  I take this pattern to be a wish for plentiful off-springs, or 百子千孫 (hundred sons, thousand grandsons).

*Line 6:  For (gold, gilt) (melt metal), I had originally considered “embroidered in gold” but have decided for “gilt-threaded, yellowed”, using “gilt-threaded” to render the meaning of the original which, in my view, means “stitched with gold thread”.  To follow “gilt-threaded”, I have added “yellowed” (after considering “, yellow” or “in yellow”, or even with “embroidered” replacing “gilt-threaded”) to spell out the colour to complete the picture of a few withered, hence, yellowed lotus leaves in the background of many green lotus-pods.  (lotus) (leave) (sparse) is translated literally as “And a few leaves of the lotus”.

*Line 7:  天氣 (climate, weather) is rendered as “seasonal clime” which is autumn as implied but not specified (“air chilling” and “mat” in line 3) in the poem, and is translated specifically as “robe” to refer back to “disrobe” in line 3 and “robe” in line 5.   (old) (time) which appears twice in the line is rendered as: “The same (seasonal clime) of old time” in the first half line, and “the selfsame old-time (robe)” in the second half line.  舊時衣 should be taken to refer to "the very robe/ clothes she used to wear".  The second half line was originally rendered as "the very same old robe".  I have now revised it to "the selfsame old-time robe" (the selfsame = the very).  With this: the 3 words of "same", "old" and "time" are all replicated not only in these 2 half lines but also in the 舊(家)時 in line 8a.

*Lines 8 and 8a:  Line 8, 只有 (only) 情懷 (sentiment, feeling)  (not)  (like, similar, same) is translated rather literally as “Only my sentiments aren't quite the same as those I'd known” with "as those I'd known" added.  I suggest reading the line as 2 dactyls (Dumdada) followed by 1 trochee Dumda) and 3 iambs (daDum).  (home, family) in 舊家時 is taken by most critics to be just an auxiliary word to stress the oldness and passing of the “old time”.  With that, I could have ended my rendition of the line and poem with “in the days in time of old”.  However, the poet could have used the word (home, family) substantively or, at least, used this ostensibly auxiliary word to hint at the idea of 家, her home and family with her now dead husband.  I have, therefore, decided to render 不似舊家時 as “… aren't quite the same as those I’d known/ In our days in time of old”, with the word “our” (the poet and her husband) brought in to somehow bring out in the rendition the idea of the loss of her husband, her family and home.  I just wish to add I can also settle for “at home in our time of old” to satisfy those who insist on giving 家 (home) a substantive meaning.

  

12 June 2019

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 醉花陰 Zui Hua Yin/ Enchanted in the Shade of Blossoms -- 重九 Ninth of the Ninth


Today, I am posting yet another beautiful tune lyric poem by Li Qingzhao written on the feast of Double Nine (9th day of the 9th lunar month), a day marked by the drinking of medicinal wines, the burning of cleansing incenses, and a trip to the hills (to also sweep the graves of one's ancestors).  But the poet's husband 趙明誠 Zhao Mingcheng, a government official, was away on a tour of duty in some distant land.  Being newlyweds, she missed her husband so much that these long and short lines, particularly the last 2 lines, were penned.  I have rendered these 2 most famous lines "簾捲西風 (4 characters)/ 人比黃花瘦 (5 characters)" as "Let the west wind whirl up my curtain (4 feet)/ To betray I'm frailer than the yellow floriage (5 feet)".  I hope I have succeeded in capturing the beauty of the original. 

Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): Zui Hua Yin/ Enchanted in the Shade of Blossoms -- Ninth of the Ninth

1   Thin mist, dense clouds, o’ercast all day, downcast ‘cos you’re away.
2   A bronze-lion incense burner, borneol exhales.
3   ‘Tis again the festive day of Ninth of the Ninth;
4   My jade-like pillow, gauze-veiled bed,
5   By midnight, a chill will’ve begun to permeate.

6   Aft dusk, at the eastside ‘santhemum hedge: to our health, a cup I take;
7   And up my sleeves, a faint sweet scent pervades.
8   O say not my heart is not with gloom consumed!
9   Let the west wind whirl up my curtain
10 To betray I’m frailer than the yellow floriage.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發
4 May 2019 (revised 6.5.19; 13.5.19; 21.5.19; 24.5.19; 27.5.19)
Translated from the original - 李清照: 醉花陰 -- 重九

1   薄霧濃雲愁永晝
2   瑞腦銷金獸
3   佳節又重陽
4   玉枕紗廚
5   半夜涼初透

6   東籬把酒黃昏後
7   有暗香盈袖
8   莫道不消魂
9   簾捲西風
10人比黃花瘦

Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a tune lyric poem or “ci” to the tune of Zui Hua Yin 醉花陰 (Enchanted in the Shade of Blossoms) entitled “Ninth of the Ninth” 重九 which is in 2 stanzas of 26 characters (=words) each with a line length pattern of 7-5/5-4-5// 7-5/5-4-5//.  This English rendition follows the same pattern, but, counting beats or feet (rather than words or syllables) to determine the line length.  For example, while the original is 7 characters or words (hence 7 syllables) long, my line 1 in English “Thin mist, dense clouds, o’ercast all day, downcast ‘cos you’re away” is in 11 words, 14 syllables, but in only 7 beats or feet.  This English rendition also strictly follows the rhyme scheme of the original: AA/xxA// AA/xxA//.  Unable to find perfect or full rhyme words (as there are fewer such words in English than Chinese), I have used the assonantal “ei” rhyme in “away -1”, “exhales -2”, “permeate -5”, “take -6”, “pervades -7” and “floriage -10”.

*Line 1:  薄霧濃雲 is translated literally as “Thin mist, dense clouds”.  (always) (daytime) is rendered as “all day” to qualify the “o’ercast” added to summarize the weather and to lead to “downcast” which follows to translate (sadness).  I have taken the liberty to add “’cos you’re away” which clarifies the cause of the poet’s sadness.

*Line 2:  瑞腦 (borneol, borneol camphor) (dispense) 金獸 (metal animal) means 金獸銷瑞腦 and is rendered as “A bronze-lion incense burner, borneol exhales” with the metal (bronze), the animal (lion), the use of the metal animal-shaped container (incense burner), and the substance it dispenses (borneol) all clearly  defined.

*Line 3:  佳節 is rendered as “festive day”, as “ ’Tis again”, and 重陽 is spelt out as “Ninth (day) of the Ninth (month)”.

*Line 4:  (jade) (pillow) refers to a porcelain pillow and is rendered as “My jade-like pillow”.  in紗廚 does not mean “kitchen”, but a tent or canopy shaped like a closet or large cabinet (漢語大詞典: “同櫥,形狀像櫥的帳子”) to shade the beddings.  紗廚 is therefore rendered as “gauze-veiled bed”.

*Line 5:  (seep through) is rendered as “permeate” for the rhyme.  I suggest reading “to permeate” as dadum dadum with “per-” and “-ate” read stressed.

*Line 6:  東籬 is an allusion to the line “ (pluck) (chrysanthemum) (east) (hedge) (under)” in Poem 5 of the 20 Wine Poems by the great Eastern Jin dynasty pastoral poet Tao Chien or Tao Yuanming (365-427).  Because of this and because of the references to “a faint sweet scent” in line 7 and “the yellow flower flakes” in line 10, 東籬 is rendered as “at the eastside ‘santhemum (chrysanthemum) hedge”.  把酒 is rendered as “to our health, a cup I take” to convey the meaning of “to raise a cup (of wine) and drink to your (and my) health”.  黃昏後 (after dusk)  is taken to simply indicate the time of the drinks, and the line is taken to be “黃昏後在東籬把酒”.  It would be utterly wrong to take the line to mean “At the eastside hedge, I drink (booze) until long after dusk”.

*Line 7:  (fill) (sleeves) is rendered as “And up my sleeves … pervades”.  Although (faint) (scent) usually alludes to the scent of plum (or, mume) blossoms, it is used here to refer to the scent of the chrysanthemums.  I have added the word “sweet” between “faint” and “scent” to make sure the scent is not misunderstood as an unpleasant odour.

*Line 8:  莫道不消魂 is rendered as “O say not my heart is not with gloom consumed!”  I am indebted to the famed Chinese poetry translator Prof. Xu Yuanchong 許淵冲 (who calls himself X.Y.Z.) who has rendered this line as “Say not my soul/ Is not consumed…” (in his Bilingual Edition 300 Song Lyrics, Beijing: Higher Education Press, 2004, p. 413).  I have adopted his “Say not … is not consumed” but have adapted his “my soul” to “my heart”, and have added "O" to begin the line.  I have also added “with gloom” between “is not” and “consumed” to clarify that the poet is overwhelmed with sorrow and not with joy or pleasure which 消魂 can also mean in other contexts.

*Lines 9 and 10:  簾捲西風 in line 9 is taken to mean 西風捲簾 and is translated literally as “Let the west wind whirl up my curtain”.  Line 9 which begins with “Let …” is enjambed to link up to “To betray” (after considering “To show”, “To say” and “To see”) which begins line 10 and which is added to echo and conclude the “O say not … is not … consumed” sentiments of line 8.  人比黃花瘦 in line 10 is rendered as “(To betray) I’m frailer than the yellow floriage” with: (a) “I’m” to personally translate , (b) “frailer than” (after considering “thinner than”) to translate , and (c) “the yellow floriage” to literally translate 黃花, after dropping “yellow flowers, frail” and “yellow flowers, waned” for adding to the original, and after considering “the yellow flower flakes” and “the yellow flowerage”.  (Shorter Oxford English Dictionary: Floriage, 1782, from Latin flor- (flower), after foliage, Bloom, blossom …)