10 February 2020

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 點绛脣 Dian Jiang Chun/ Touching Up the Red Lips --- 天真 Naivete

Ray Heaton, a friend on the web though we have never met, has kindly alerted me to an article in "The World of Chinese" on "The Talent of Li Qingzhao" in which is cited Li Qingzhao's tune lyric poem Dian Jiang Chun or Red Lips translated by E.C. Chang.  Here is the link for those who wish to see Chang's rendition: https://www.theworldofchinese.com/2015/07/the-talent-of-li-qingzhao/

I happen to have recently translated the same and am posting it here today for all to share.  Unlike most of Li Qingzhao's other poems, there is nothing melancholic.  It must have been written when she was a talented teenager, or written much older recalling, reminiscing her younger days.  I have rendered it in the past tense, and in the thir person to make it possible for the poem to be interpreted to generally cover all young girls of a certain upbringing.

I give you this delightful, beautiful little poem.


Li Qingzhao (1084-1157): Dian Jiang Chun/ Touching Up the Red Lips --- Naivete

1   Having had fun, she stepped off the swing,
2   And rose to slowly stretch and flex her slender, tender hands.
3   Like dense dewdrops on thin flowers cram,
4   Her sweat, though slight, still through her play clothes ran.

5   On seeing someone coming in,
6   Unshod, in socks, her gold hairpin slip-ped,
7   Wearing a shy face, she fled.
8   Yet she leaned by the gateway, turned her head,
9   Feigning, as if, she was sniffing green plums instead.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發
29 January 2020 (revised 30.1.2020)
Translated from the original - 李清照: 點绛脣 --- 天真

1   鞦韆  
2   起來   
3      
4   衣透   

5   見有人來   
6      
7      
8       
9   却把青梅齅      


Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a tune lyric poem or ‘ci’ to the tune of Dian Jiang Chun 點絳脣 (Touching Up the Red Lips) entitled 天真 (Naivete), which is in two stanzas totalling 36 characters (single syllable words), the first stanza of 4 and the second of 5 lines of varying line lengths with a line-length pattern of 4-7/ 4-5// 4-5-3/ 4-5//.  This English rendition follows the same line-length pattern, counting feet or beats (not words, nor syllables) to determine the length of lines.  To emulate the original, the 7-character (hepta-syllabic) line is rendered in heptameter (7 beats), the 5-character (penta-syllabic) lines, rendered in pentameter (5 beats), the 4-character (tetra-syllabic) lines, in tetrameter (4 beats), and the 3-character (tri-syllabic) line, in trimeter (3 beats).  To further emulate the original, a mid-line caesura (pause) is provided after the fourth beat for the one 7-beat line, and after the second beat for all the shorter (i.e. 5-, 4-, 3-beat) lines.  Although, in this English rendition, I have been unable to strictly follow the rhyme scheme of the original, which is a single rhyme for all lines except the opening line of each stanza (i.e. lines 1 and 5), I have been able to rhyme the 2 stanzas separately with 2 different rhymes,  thus xA/ AA// xBB/ BB (instead of the original xA/ AA// xAA/ AA//).  The A rhyme for the first stanza is the assonance of the “a” sound as in h[a]nds, cr[a]m, and d[a]mp.  The B rhyme for the second stanza is the “ed” rhyme as in -p[ed], fl[ed], h[ead], and inst[ead].

*Line 1:  (step) (completed) 鞦韆 (the swing; popularly simplified as 秋千) is rendered as “Having had fun, she stepped off the swing” with “Having had fun” added to begin the poem by pointing out this is her play time and to make it a 4-beat line to emulate the original’s 4-character line.

*Line 2:  起來 (rise) is translated literally as “And rose” after considering “To rise”.  (lazily or tiredly) (put in order, or fix) is rendered as “to slowly stretch and flex” after considering “… loosen, straighten”.   (slender) (hands or arms) is rendered as “her slender, tender hands” with the replication of  rendered as the internally rhymed “slender, tender”.

*Line 3:   (dew) (dense) (flowers) (thin) is rendered as “Like dense dewdrops on thin flowers cram” after considering “… jam”, with “Like” added to turn the line into a simile to create a closer link between lines 3 and 4, and “cram” used to further translate in the sense of “dense”.

*Line 4: (thin) (sweat or perspiration) is rendered as “Her sweat, though slight” after considering “Her light perspiration”.  (light or thin) (clothes) refers to casual wear ( is taken to mean 輕便 casual) and is rendered as “her play clothes”.  (penetrate, or through, or go out of, or come out from) is rendered as “still through … ran” after considering “still made … damp” and “still seen on … stamped”.

*Line 5: I had originally taken  (see) 客 (have) 人 (man) (come) to be the proper version and rendered as “Seeing a guest entering the grounds”.  I have now decided for the 見有人來 version and have revised the line to read “On seeing someone coming in” which can ambiguously point to some young gentleman which is precisely what the poem is all about..

*Line 6:  (socks; long been simplified to ) (reduced to) is taken to mean “reduced to socks” or “only in socks” and is rendered as “In socks, unshod”.  (gold) (hairpin) (slip) is rendered as “her gold hairpin slip-ped” (after considering “… drop-ped”), with “slipped” presented as the 2-syllable “slip-ped” to begin the “ed” rhyme of the second stanza.

*Line 7:  (and or with) (shyness) (go) is rendered as “Wearing a shy face, she fled” after considering “Shyly, away she fled”.

*Line 8:  (lean) (door or gate), in this context, should not be taken to literally mean “leaned against the gate”, but to mean “stopped at the gateway (to lean against something unspecified)” as no one can lean without stopping.  I had, in fact, originally penned “Yet she stopped at the gateway …”, but have now decided for “Yet she leaned by the gateway …” with “leaned” to literally translate and “by the gateway” to translate .   (turn back) (head) is translated literally as “turned her head”.

*Line 9: 却把青梅齅 is rendered as “Feigning, as if, she was sniffing green plums instead”.  The first word (but, or yet) is translated literally as “Yet” and moved to begin line 8 of my English rendition, but with the addition of “Feigning, as if” and “instead” in line 9 itself to complete the true meaning of the word in the context of these 2 lines. (green) (plum) (smell or sniff; long been simplified as ) is translated literally as “she was sniffing green plums”.  As for the second word (hold; let), in my view, it is inserted not for any substantive meaning such as “holding a green plum”.  Not being a grammarian of the Chinese language, I can still confidently say that one usage is its insertion reverses the order of the verb  and the noun 青梅 turning it from “ (to sniff) 青梅 (green plums)” to “ (let) 青梅 (green plums) (be sniffed)” , not unlike “穿上 (putting on) 衣服 (clothes)” and “ (let) 衣服 (clothes) 穿上 (be put on)”.  To satisfy those who insist on having covered, I can alternatively pen it as “Feigning, as if, she was green plums a-sniffing instead” using the prefix “a-“ before the verb “sniffing” to translate the original’s 把  before the noun 青梅 to result in the original’s “noun first, then verb” order.  This is also very much to my liking.




08 January 2020

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 蝶戀花 Die Lian Hua --- 離情 Separation Sentiments

Happy New Year 2020!

Posted here today is a new poem, different from the one posted here last month (December 2019). This and the last poem are both by Li Qingzhao and both written to the tune of "Die Lian Hua/ Butterflies Love Flowers".  The last one's title is "Gathering of Relatives ...".  The current poem is entitled "Separation Sentiments", a poem of sadness while her husband was posted away from home, a melancholia so beautifully versified.  I wish you joy in enjoying Li Qingzhao's sentiments and poetics which I hope I have been able to emulate in my English rendition of the poem..

Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): Die Lian Hua/ Butterflies Love Flowers --- Separation Sentiments

1   Cordial showers, sun-bathed breezes, the snow, frozen, now thawing;
2   Willow leaf eyes, plum blossom cheeks,
3   Already, I sense: the heart of Spring is stirring.
4   Wine and rhyme, my prime past-time, but with whom could I be sharing?
5   O tears melt my remaining make-up, my head-dress, heavy, weighing.

6   I try on my Spring dress threaded in gold, a gown with a fine silk lining;
7   Slanting, leaning on a mound of pillows,
8   My hairpin’s head of phoenix, thereby deforming.
9   O all alone, steeped deep in sorrow, sweet dreams not in the making;
10 Late in the night, still sit aside, fiddling with the lamp wick, a-trimming.


Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發
12 December 2019 (revised 14.12.19; 16.12.19; 17.12.19; 18.12.19; 20.12.19; 23.12 19)   
Translated from the original - 李清照: 蝶戀花 --- 離情

1   暖雨晴風初破凍
2   柳眼梅腮
3   已覺春心動
4   酒意詩情誰與共
5   淚融殘粉花鈿重

6   乍試夾衫金縷縫
7   山枕斜欹
8   枕損釵頭鳳
9   獨抱濃愁無好夢
10 猶剪燈花弄

Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a tune lyric poem or ‘ci’ to the tune of Die Lian Hua 蝶戀花 (Butterflies Love Flowers) entitled 離情 (Separation Sentiments), which is in two 5-line stanzas of 30 characters (= single syllable words) each with a line length pattern of 7-4-5/ 7-7.  This English rendition follows the same line length pattern, counting feet or beats (not words, nor syllables) to determine the length of lines.  To emulate the original, the 7-character (hepta-syllabic) lines are rendered in heptameter (7 beats), the 4-character (tetra-syllabic) lines, rendered a tetrameter (4 beats), and the 5-character (penta-syllabic) lines, in pentameter (5 beats).  To further emulate the original, a mid-line caesura (pause) is provided after the fourth beat for the six 7-beat lines, and after the second beat for the two 4-beat lines.  As for the two 5-beat lines, I have not been able to strictly follow the original.  For line 3, it is located after the second beat as in the original, but for line 8, it is moved to after the third beat.  This English rendition also strictly follows the rhyme scheme of the original, which is a single rhyme for all lines except lines 2 and 7, thus AxA/ AA// AxA/ AA.  Unable to find perfect (not even assonance) rhyme words, I have used the “-ing” ending of words for rhyme, a slant rhyme.

*Line 1:  (warm) (rain) is rendered as “Cordial showers” after considering “Genial …” and “Sweet …”.  (sunny) (wind) is rendered as “sun-bathed breezes” with “sun-bathed” used to spell out the warmth in the wind to match the warmth of “Cordial showers”.  (first) (break) (cold) is rendered as “the snow, frozen, now thawing” with “now” to render and “the snow, frozen … thawing” to render 破凍 after considering “the frozen snow/ the ice and snow/ the icy snow”.

*Line 2:  (willow) (eyes) is understood as “eyes like new willow leaves” and is rendered as “Willow leaf eyes” after considering “Willowy eyes”, and (plum) (cheeks), understood as “cheeks as rosy as plum flowers” and rendered as “plum blossom cheeks” after considering “… flower/ petal ...”  These two are descriptive of the season of Spring and are also metaphors of a beautiful lady and her yearnings for love and company, leading on to “the heart of Spring” in line 3.

*Line 3:  (already) (aware or feel) is translated literally as “Already, I sense” after considering “... “feel/ know/ ‘m aware”.  (Spring) (heart) (move) is translated rather literally as “the heart of Spring is stirring”.

*Line 4:  (wine) (idea or desire) (poetry) (passion or sentiment) is rendered as “Wine and rhyme, my prime past-time” with “Wine and rhyme” (in assonance) to render and , and “my prime past-time” (with a “p” alliteration and a prime/ time internal rhyme) to collectively render and (who) 與共 (together/ share with) is rendered as “but with whom could I be sharing” with “but” added and “could” used to make clear this is a rhetorical question.

*Line 5:  (tears) (melt) is translated literally as “O tears melt”, and (remains) (powder or make-up), also literally, as “my remaining make-up” after considering “… remnant …”  (flowery) (pronounced ‘dian’ not ‘tian’, meaning head ornaments) (heavy) is rendered as “my head-dress, heavy, weighing” to convey the meaning of “sorrow weighing down my head”.

*Line 6:  (first or suddenly) (try) is taken to mean trying on a dress to see if it suits the climate and is rendered simply as “I try on”.  夾衫 (lined, dress) is rendered as “a gown with a fine silk lining” with “fine silk” added (after considering “… satin/ lighter/ thinner”) to dispel the possible impression of a heavy lining which would run contrary to the context of the approach of Spring.  This is moved down to end the line.  (gold) (thread) (sew), which ends the line in the original, is rendered as “my Spring dress threaded in gold”, with “Spring dress” added to spell out the kind of dress being tried on, and moved up to the beginning of the line to follow “I try on”.

*Line 7:  (mountain) (pillow) is taken to mean “a pile of pillows” and not “a mountain shaped pillow” and is rendered as “on a mound of pillows”.  斜欹 (slant, lean) is translated literally as “Slanting, leaning”.

*Line 8:  (pillow) (damage) is rendered as “thereby deforming”, with (1) “deforming” to literally translate (after considering “warping/ breaking/ damaging”) and (2) “thereby” to render which I had originally considered rendering as “against the pillows”.  I have decided that “thereby” is more than adequate without having to repeat “pillows” as it refers to the previous line 7 in its entirety which includes the pillows leaned on and, more importantly, the leaning action.  To further my interpretation, the word is, in addition, a verb which refers to the pillowing/ leaning action.  枕損 therefore does not mean “the pillows doing damage” but “damage done by leaning against the pillows”.  This is moved down to end the line.  (hairpin) (head) (phoenix) is literally translated as “My hairpin’s head of phoenix” (after considering “My hairpin’s head, the phoenix”, “My hairpin’s head, a phoenix”, “The phoenix head of my hairpin” and “My hairpin’s phoenix head”, and is moved up to begin the line.

*Line 9:  (alone) (carry) (thick) (sorrow) is rendered as “O all alone, steeped deep in sorrow” with and translated literally and “steeped deep in (sorrow)” to render 抱濃().  (no) (good) (dream) is rendered as “sweet dreams not in the making”.

*Line 10:  (night) (late or end) is translated literally as “Late in the night”.  (still) is rendered as “still sit aside” with “sit aside” added to spell out the poet is not yet in bed, to pave the way to the trimming of the lamp wick.  (cut or scissor or trim) (lamp) (wick, not flower) is rendered as “the lamp wick, a-trimming”.  (pronounced ‘nong’ not ‘long’, means play or fiddle or fumble) is rendered as “fiddling with” which means “doing something not really for the purpose of doing it” or “trimming not for trimming’s sake”.  For the second half of the line, I had originally penned a more faithful version of “trimming the lamp wick, a-fiddling”, but have now decided for “fiddling with the lamp wick, a-trimming” with the order of “trim” and “fiddle” reversed.

06 December 2019

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 蝶戀花 Die Lian Hua/ Butterflies Love Flowers -- 上巳召親族: 記夢 Gathering of Relatives on the Third Day of the Third Lunar Month: A Dream



Here is my rendition of another tune lyric poem by Li Qingzhao 李清照.  This poem is of a dream of the circumstances and mood of the poet before, during and after the 上巳 "third of third lunar month" Spring family gathering probably in (and certainly not later than) 建炎三年 (1129) in which year, in the eighth lunar month, her husband Zhao Mingcheng 趙明誠 passed away making such gatherings at her house impossible.

In reading the poem, please be prepared to be swayed by:
(a) the weariness of the endless night;
(b) the old old capital and homeland lost to the Jins 金;
(c) the lack lustre Spring;
(d) food casually prepared;
(e) the numbing pleasures of wine and pickles; and
(f)  the mortality of Spring and us mortals.

Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): Die Lian Hua/ Butterflies Love Flowers – Gathering of Relatives on the Third Day of the Third Lunar Month: A Dream

1   Weary, dreary, the endless night, joyous feelings lacking;
2   In vain, I dream of the old capital,
3   And the old capital road I should be taking.
4   To make this very year’s prime time a truly glorious Spring,
5   Her flowers, her moon, be better seen as luminously endearing.

6   Casually plain are the dishes of food, short, so short of feasting,
7   Yet the wine is fine, the plums well pickled,
8   To the palate of one and all befittingly pleasing.
9   Tipsy, I deck my hair with flowers, O flowers, don’t be mocking,
10  Sadly, Springtime, like us mortals, shall age and soon be dying.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發
25 November 2019 (revised 28.11.19; 30.11.19; 4.12.19)
Translated from the original - 李清照: 蝶戀花 -- 上巳召親族: 記夢

1   永夜懨懨歡意少
2   空夢長安
3   認取長安道
4   為報今年春色好
5   花光月影宜相照

6   隨意杯盤雖草草
7   酒美梅酸
8   洽稱人懷抱
9   醉裏插花花莫笑
10  可憐春似人將老

Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a tune lyric poem or ‘ci to the tune of Die Lian Hua 蝶戀花 (Butterflies Love Flowers) entitled 記夢 (A Dream), which is in two 5-line stanzas of 30 characters (= single syllable words) each with a line length pattern of 7-4-5/ 7-7.  This English rendition follows the same line length pattern, counting feet or beats (not words, nor syllables) to determine the length of lines.  To emulate the original: the 7-character (hepta-syllabic) lines are rendered in heptameter (7 beats), the 4-character (tetra-syllabic) lines, rendered in tetrameter (4 beats), and the 5-character (penta-syllabic) lines, in pentameter (5 beats).  To further emulate the original, a caesura is provided after the fourth beat for the six 7-beat lines, and after the second beat for the two 4-beat lines.  These strictly follow the original’s location of the caesura.  As for the two 5-beat lines, the caesura is located after the third beat which should be after the second beat if the original were to be strictly followed.  This English rendition also strictly follows the rhyme scheme of the original, which is a single rhyme for all lines except lines 2 and 7, thus: AxA/ AA// AxA/AA//.  Unable to find perfect (not even assonance) rhyme words, I have used the unstressed “-ing” ending of a word as rhyme, a slant rhyme.

Title:  上巳 is an ancient feast day on the third day of the third lunar month for family gatherings.  The title 上巳召親族 is rendered as “Gathering of Relatives on the Third Day of the Third Lunar Month”, and 記夢 as “A Dream”.    

*Line 1:  永夜 (always, night) is rendered as “the endless night” and moved to the middle of the line. 懨懨 (weak and weary) is rendered as “Weary, dreary” with the “-eary” internal rhyme to emulate the reduplication of the word (pronounced “yan”).  歡意少 (joy, feelings, not much) is rendered as “joyous feelings lacking.

*Lines 2 and 3:  空夢 in line 2 is translated literally as “In vain, I dream of”.  長安 (Chang’an) in lines 2 and 3 is rendered as “the old capital” as it is a euphemism for the North Song 北宋 capital of Bianjing 汴京 (present day Kaifeng 開封) lost to the Jin dynasty (1115-1234).  Thus, “the old capital” covers both Chang’an and Bianjing.  In line 3, 認取 (recognize, take) is rendered as “I should be taking”, and translated literally as “And the … road”.

Lines 4 and 5:  I have taken the formulation of 為報 (in order to report) ... in 
line 4 and ...宜  (suitably or better be) ... in line 5 to mean “to make the claim 
(that this year’s Spring is indeed glorious, the flowers and the moon) had better 
be seen as …”  為報in line 4 is, therefore, rendered as “To make”.  今年 
in line  4 is translated literally as “this very year(’s)”, and 色好 (Spring, 
colours, glorious) is rendered as “(this very year’s) prime time, a truly glorious
Spring”, with “prime time” added (which hints at the French word “printemps” 
meaning Spring and Springtime).  花光 (flower, light) and 月影 (moon, shadow 
or reflected image, both implying light) in line 5 are rendered as “Her flowers” 
and “her moon” without any reference to “light” which is to be covered by the 
word “luminously” used to also render 照   (shine) in the second half of the
line:  宜相照.  This is rendered as “better be seen as luminously endearing”.  宜 
is rendered as “better be seen as” as explained at the beginning of this note.  照 
is  rendered as “luminously” which also covers … in the first half of the
line, as explained above.   (if taken to mean “mutual”) should be understood
as “mutually between us humans on the receiving end and the flowers and the 
moon on the giving end”, rather than “mutually between the flowers on the one 
side and the moon on the other”.  In fact, is also “a word indicative of an 
action taken by one side to the other”, for example, 事相告 (have something to
tell) and 好言相勸 (have well-meant advice to offer).  Another example is 王維   
Wang Wei’s 明月來相照 “Only the clear moon comes to shine on me” in his
quatrain 竹里館 “Hut Among the Bamboos” (translated by Innes Herdan, “300
Tang Poems”, Taipei: Far East, 2000, p. 560) or my translation “None but the  
moon, to me, solace you bring” in “House in the Bamboo Grove” (posted here 
on 11 March 2008). 相照 is, therefore, rendered as “luminously endearing” after 
considering “… enchanting/ embracing”.  

Line 6:  隨意 is translated rather literally as “Casually plain”.  杯盤 (cups, 
dishes) refer to the food/ meal served and is rendered as “the dishes of food”.  雖 
(though) is rendered as “Yet” () to begin line 7.  草草 (not elaborate, not 
formal)  is rendered as “short, so short of feasting” with “short of feasting” to 
translate the meaning and the reduplication of “short” to emulate the 
reduplication of  in the original.  

Line 7:  "Yet" is added to begin the line to cover the omission of "though" in line 
6.  酒美 is translated literally as "the wine is fine"  梅酸 (plum, sour) is taken to 
mean "plums pickled (not sour)" and is rendered as "the plums well pickled".

Line 8:  (exactly) (fittingly) (people) 懷抱 (bosom or embrace) is 
rendered as “To the palate of one and all befittingly pleasing” with 洽稱 
rendered as “befittingly pleasing” and 人懷抱 rendered as “to the palate of one 
and all”.

Line 9:  醉裏 (drunk) is translated literally as “Tipsy”.  插花 is taken not to mean “arranging flowers”, but “decking flowers” and is rendered as “I deck my hair with flowers”.  花莫笑 is translated literally as “O flowers, don’t be mocking”.

Line 10:  可憐 (pitiable) is translated rather literally as “Sadly”.  (Spring) (like) (people) is rendered as “Springtime, like us mortals”.  (shall or soon) (grow old) is rendered as “shall age and soon be dying”.