李煜 Li Yu: 破陣子 Po Zhen Zi -- [*四十年來 ...] [*E'er since for forty years ...]

Today, I am posting my translation of yet another tune lyric poem or "ci" 詞 by the great "King of Tune Lyric Poetry" Li Yu or Li Houzhu 李後主(the last King of Southern Tang.  This poem is precisely on the subject of his and his kingdom's demise.  Here is my rendition.  I hope you'll enjoy it. 

Li Yu: Po Zhen Zi (Song of Crush That Enemy Line) -- [*E'er since for forty years ...]

1    E’er since for forty years, this land: my home, my country;

2    A realm of a thousand miles of a mountained, rivered terrain.

3    Grand palatial towers and chambers, rise high to meet the skies;

4    Jade green leaves on boughs and branches, vines in a misty veil.

5    When did I know of battle shields and blades?

6    Now that I’m made a subject, a lord in name, a captive;   

7    Thinned waist, hoary temples: O how I’m wasting away!

8    And worst at the shrine on parting day, hurried-worried despite,

9    Court musicians still remained, just parting songs were played.

10  O tears I rolled before the palace maids.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)  譯者: 黃宏發

24 December 2018 (revised 26.12.18; 27.12.18; 28.12.18; 29.12.18; 31.12.18; 1.1.19)

Translated from the original – 李煜: 破陣子 [*四十年來 ...]

1    四十年來家國

2    三千里地山河

3    鳳閣龍樓連霄漢

4    玉樹瓊枝作煙蘿

5    幾曾識干戈

6    一旦歸為臣虜

7    沈腰潘鬢消磨

8    最是倉惶辭廟日

9    教坊猶奏別離歌

10  垂淚對宮娥

Notes:

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a long-short lined “tune lyric” or “ci” 詞 to the tune 寄調 of “Po Zhen Zi” 破陣子 which is a “lyric pattern” (not tune pattern or music score, as the music is lost) in 2 halves/stanzas of 31 characters each.  This English rendition strictly follows the same long-short lined lyric pattern but with a count of feet or beats (and not syllables) to determine the length of the lines.  The long-short line-length scheme of both the original and this rendition is: 6-6/7-7/5// 6-6/7-7/5//.  The original adopts one single rhyme for the entire poem with a rhyme scheme of: xA/xA/A// xA/xA/A//.  This English rendition follows the same rhyme scheme.  However, as there are fewer rhyme words in English than Chinese, I have only been able to do it with an assonantal “-ei” rhyme in “2- terrain”, “4- veil”, “5- blades”, “7- away”, “9- played” and “10- maids”.  (Please note that for the line-length pattern and the rhyme scheme, I have used the single slash to stand for the end of a sentence and the double slash, for the end of a stanza.)

*Line 1:  四十年來 is rendered as “E’er since for forty years” after considering “O since for forty years”, “For forty years e’er since”, “For the past/last forty years”, “Since when/then for forty years” and “Since thence for forty years”.   家 (family, home) 國 (nation, country) is rendered as “my home, my country” (after considering “… my home and country”) with “this land” added.

*Line 2:  三千 (three thousand) 里 (‘li’, which is about one third of a mile, hence, a thousand miles for 3,000 ‘li’) 地 (land, territory) is, therefore, rendered as “A realm of a thousand miles”.  Instead of the literal translation of山河as “of mountains and rivers”, it is rendered as “of a mountained, rivered terrain”, after considering “of mountains and rivered terrains/plains”.  The word “terrain” (or “plain”) is used to give line 2 (the first rhymed line in the poem) the assonantal “-ei” rhyme for the entire poem.

*Line 3:  樓 and 閣 are translated literally as “towers” and “chambers”.  龍 (dragon) and鳳 (phoenix) refer to the king and his ladies (including the queen) respectively.  As they are mere adjectives qualifying the “towers and chambers”, they are not translated but are rendered collectively as “Grand palatial (towers and chambers)”.  連 (connect, link) is rendered as “rise high to meet” and 霄漢 (clouds, sky) is translated literally as “the skies”.

*Line 4:  樹 (tree) is taken to mean tree(s) as a whole, including the branches, twigs and leaves, not just the trunk(s). 枝 (branch) likewise includes the twigs and leaves.  樹 and 枝 are, therefore, rendered as “boughs and branches”.  Both 玉 and 瓊 mean “jade” and both words are used to say how luxuriant, magnificent or handsome something or someone is.  Here they are used to qualify the vegetation in the royal palace and are rendered collectively as “Jade green leaves (on boughs and branches)”.  作 (make, take to be) 煙 (smoke, mist) 蘿 (vines, climbing plants) is rendered as “vines in a misty veil”.

*Line 5:  干 (shields) 戈 (dagger axes) are battle weapons, and the 2 words put together refer to war.  They are rendered quite literally as “of battle shields and blades” with “battle” added (to make clear that they refer to war), and with “blades” used (instead of “dagger axes” which are blades) for the assonantal “-ei” rhyme.  幾 (when, what, how) 曾 (have) 識 (know) is rendered as “When did I know” after considering “What” and “How”.  The line is a rhetorical question which means and says “I did not know”.  “When did I know” should, therefore, be read as da-dum-da-dum with the word “did” stressed, and “When” (or “What” or “How”) unstressed, because if stressed all these will turn the line into a genuine question.

*Line 6:  一 (one) 旦 (day) should, in my view, be taken together to mean “once” in the sense of “as soon as” or “now that”, instead of taken separately to mean “one day”.   It is here rendered as “Now that”.  As I take 歸 (return, assign) 為 (to be) to mean “assigned or made to be” or “made to become”, it is rendered as “I’m made”, after considering “I’ve become”.   臣 (the king/emperor’s subordinates of all ranks) 虜 (captive, prisoner) is rendered as “a subject, a lord in name, a captive”, with “a lord in name” added to further depict the poet’s lot.  The poet was actually made 違命侯 (the Disobedient Marquis), void of any territory, and put under house arrest.

*Line 7:  沈腰 (Shen’s waist) and 潘鬢 (Pan’s temples) are 2 literary allusions to 2 ancients, respectively 沈約 Shen Yue for his thinned waist, and 潘岳 Pan Yue for the hoary hair on his temples.  I have decided not to translate the 2 names but simply what they stand for, and the phrase is, therefore, rendered as “Thinned waist, hoary temples”.  消磨 (wear away/while away)  is rendered as “O how I’m wasting away”.

*Line 8:  最是 is translated literally as “And worst”.  辭 (take leave) 廟 (temple, shrine) 日 (day) is translated quite literally as “at the shrine on parting day”.  The “shrine” is the royal ancestral shrine in the palace to which one goes to ask one’s forebears for leave to part.  倉 (hurry, hurried) 惶 (frightened, worried, fearful) is rendered as “hurried-worried despite”.  I had originally considered “was I”, “we were” and “as might” to follow “hurried-worried”, but have now decided for “despite” as it gives the best link to line 9.  I had also considered “hurry-scurry” which I now regard as inferior to my newly coined “hurried-worried” which translates 倉惶 quite fully.

*Line 9:  教 (teach) 坊 (workshop, quarters) refers not to a place in the palace, but to the band of musicians housed in the palace.  It is, therefore, rendered as “Court musicians”.  別離 (farewell, parting) 歌 (song) is translated literally as “parting songs”.  奏 in 猶 (still) 奏 (play) is translated literally as “played”.  The word 猶    can, in this context, mean either (1) “still” (還   or 仍) or (2) “only” (只   or 獨).  I have, in my rendition, covered both meanings, viz. “hurried-worried despite,/ Court musicians still remained, just(=only) parting songs were played”.

*Line 10:  垂 in 垂淚 (falling tears) is rendered as “rolled” rather than “shed”, as “rolled” is more tearful than “shed”; and I take my “O tears I rolled” to be in full accord with the “And worst” sentiments covered in lines 8 to 10.

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 如夢令 Ru Meng Ling -- 憶舊 Reminiscence [*常記溪亭 ...] [*I often recall ...]

Here is my rendition of one more "ci" 詞 or "tune lyric" poem by Li Qingzhao 李清照 of the Song dynasty.  I hope you enjoy it as much as her other poem written to the same tune "Song of As If Dreaming" 如夢令 posted here on 4 January 2019.  

I have, by now, translated 3 poems by Li Qingzhao, the first being her most famous poem to the tune of "'Note After Note' Slow Song" 聲聲慢 posted here on 5 December 2018.  Please enjoy them and share them with your friends.

Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): Ru Meng Ling (Song of As If Dreaming) -- Reminiscence [*I still recall ...]

1   I often recall that sunset gath'ring at Brookside Pavilion;

2   We got so drunk, too drunk to tell our bearings home.

3   By dusk, our gay mood spent, our boats we turned

4   Only to stray: straight into the depths of the lotus groves.

5   Ah, on, we rowed!

6   And on, we rowed!

7   Startling to flight, herons and gulls of the sandy shallows.

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)    譯者: 黃宏發

18 February 2019 (revised 19.2.19; 20.2.19; 21.2.19; 22.2.19; 25.2.19; 26.2.19; 27.2.19)

Translated from the original - 李清照: 如夢令 -- 憶舊 [*常記溪亭 ...]

1   常記溪亭日暮

2   沉醉不知歸路

3   興盡晚回舟

4   誤入藕花深處

5   爭渡

6   爭渡

7   驚起一灘鷗鷺

Notes:

*Form, Meter and Rhyme:  The original is a long-short lined “tune lyric” or “ci” 詞 to the tune of 寄調 “Ru Meng Ling” 如夢令, which is a “lyric pattern” (not tune pattern or music score as the music is lost) in a single stanza of 33 characters.  This English rendition follows strictly the same long-short lined lyric pattern but with a count of feet or beats to determine the length of the lines.  The long-short line-length scheme of both the original and this rendition is: 6-6/ 5-6/ 2-2-6//.  The original adopts one single rhyme, the rhyme scheme being: AA/xA/AAA.  This English rendition follows the same rhyme scheme.  However, as there are fewer rhyme words in English than Chinese, I have only been able to satisfy the rhyme scheme with the assonantal “o” sound in “pavilion -1” (close to, but strictly not assonantal), “home -2”, “groves -4”, “rowed -5 and 6”, and “shallows -7”.

*Line 1:  常 (always or often) 記 (remember, recall) is rendered as "often recall". I had originally used “still recall” after considering “often recall” and “have always remembered” which I argued were all implied in the word “still” and need not be stated.  Another version of the poem has 嘗 for 常, which meaning (had or had tried) is less appealing than “often”.  I have taken the event of the poem to be a gathering, with a lot drinking, at a scenic spot away from home, to be reached and to return by boat.  日 (day) 暮 (late) is taken to refer to the time of the gathering and is rendered as “sunset gath’ring”.  I have picked “sunset” over “aft’rnoon”, “late day”, “dusk” and “twilight”, and “gath’ring” over “party” and “outing”.  溪亭 (brook pavilion) is rendered as “Brookside Pavilion”.  Originally, I had considered “Dome” which rhymes perfectly with “home” in line 2.  I have now decided for “Pavilion” as the Chinese did not build domes.

*Line 2:  沉醉 (deeply drunk) is rendered as “We got so drunk”.  不 (not) 知 (know) 歸 (return) 路 (way) is rendered as “too drunk to tell the bearings home”.

*Line 3:  興 (interest, mood, excitement) 盡 (exhausted, finished) is rendered as “our gay mood spent” after considering “our merriment/pleasure spent”.  晚 (late, night) is rendered as “By dusk” and moved up to begin the line, after considering “’Twas late”.  歸舟 (return to/by boat) is rendered as “our boats we turned”.

*Line 4:  誤入 (mistakenly enter) is rendered as “Only to stray straight in”.  藕 (lotus) 花 (flowers) 深 (deep) 處 (place) is rendered quite literally as “the depths of the lotus groves”, but with “flowers” omitted and “groves” (after considering “growths”) added in the translated rendition to clarify that the “depths” are of the lotus plants (stems, leaves and all) above the water surface, not just the flowers.  I had also considered “a labyrinth” but have decided for the literal translation of 深處 as “the depths”.  To make this a 6-beat line, “straight into the depths” should be read “da-dum da-da-dum” with the word “in” read stressed and the word “straight”, unstressed.

*Lines 5 and 6:  Although some commentators and translators have taken 爭渡 to read 怎渡 to mean “how to row through”, I prefer to adhere to the 爭渡 version to mean “energetically row”, not necessarily in competition.  Hence, the 2 lines are rendered as “Oh, on, we rowed! /And on, we rowed!”.  This interpretation leads logically to line 7 where waterfowls are startled to flight.  The word “on” must be read stressed to make the lines sound “da-dum da-dum”.

*Line 7:  驚起 (startle to rise in flight) is translated literally as “Startling to flight”.  鷗 (gulls) 鷺 (egrets/herons) are translated literally as “herons and gulls” with the order reversed for a better flow of the line.  一灘 (one beach, or a stretch of shallows) is rendered as “of the sandy shallows” (after considering “shoal”) to close the line and the poem.  

李煜 Li Yu: 浪淘沙 Lang Tao Sha -- [*往事只堪哀] [*My past was such I cannot but bemoan]

Today, I am posting a "tune lyric" or "ci" 詞 by the reputedly great "King of Tune Lyric", the last King of Southern Tang, Li Yu 李煜 .

This is my most recent translation.  I hope you will be able to find how woe and sorrow can be so very beautifully expressed.

Postscript (13.2.2019): 
I had never been too happy with my line 5 in my English rendition of this great poem.  I first posted it yesterday (12.2.19) as:
Who will ever come? Oh, woe!
A few hours later yesterday, I revised it on this post to:
No one will ever come! O woe!
And today (13.2.19), I am further revising the line to:
Shall no one ever come? O woe!
I have now also revised my note on line 5 to record and explain the revisions, particularly the last one.

May I ask: which of the above 3 versions do you prefer, and do you have a version of your own?  Please share with us, followers of this Chinese poetry translation blog, your wisdom.

Li Yu (937-978): Lang Tao Sha (Waves Washing Sands) -- [*My past was such I cannot but bemoan]

1   My past was such I cannot but bemoan;

2   Fair scenes hardly dispel my sorrow.

3   This windy autumn, on my courtyard steps, mossy lichens encroach;

4   I just leave the beaded blinds in my quarters, lie idly hung unrolled ---

5   Shall no one ever come? O woe!

6   Sunken is my golden armour, buried deep low;

7   Smothered, my spirit, by weeds o’ergrown.

8   On a night so cool, the sky so clear, the moon with a blooming halo,

9   I think of my towering palace chambers, now mere hollow shadows,

10 Cast in vain on the river below.       

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發

25 January 2019 (revised 28.1.19; 29.1.19; 30.1.19; 31.1.19; 1.2.19; 8.2.19; 11.2.19)

Translated from the original - 李煜: 浪淘沙 -- [*往事只堪哀]

1   往事只堪哀

2   對景難排

3   秋風庭院蘚侵階

4   一任珠簾閒不捲

5   終日誰來

6   金鎖已沈埋

7   壯氣蒿萊

8   晚涼天淨月華開

9   想得玉樓瑶殿影

10 空照秦淮

Notes:

*Form, Meter and Rhyme:  The original is a long-short lined “tune Lyric” or “ci” 詞 to the tune of 寄調 “Lang Tao Sha” 浪淘沙 which is a “lyric pattern” (not music score as the music is lost) in 2 halves/stanzas of 27 characters each.  This English rendition strictly follows the same long-short lined lyric pattern but with a count of feet or beats (and not syllables) to determine the length of the lines.  The long-short line-length scheme of both the original and this rendition is: 5-4/7-7-4// 5-4/7-7-4//.  The original adopts a single rhyme for the entire poem with a rhyme scheme of AA/AxA// AA/AxA//.  As there are fewer rhyme words in English than Chinese, I have only been able to do it through the assonantal vowel sound “ow” (as in grow, flows, glowed, blown, etc.)  This I have done (“bemoan” -1, “sorrow” -2, “encroach” -3, “woe” -5, “low” -6, “o’ergrown” -7, “halo” -8, and “below” -10), and have done so even for the 2 originally unrhymed lines (“unrolled” -4, and “shadows” -9).  The rhyme scheme for this English rendition is thus AA/AAA// AA/AAA//.

*Line 1:  往事 (past events) is rendered as “My past was such”.  只 (only) 堪 (can) is rendered as “I cannot but …” which is so much more powerful than “I can only …”  哀 is rendered as the verb “bemoan” after considering such adjectives as “(be) doleful, mournful, woeful, or sorrowful”.

*Line 2:  對 (in the face of) is implied in the English rendition and is not translated, while the context dictates that 景 (scenes) refers to “Fair scenes” and is rendered as such.  難排 is rendered as “hardly dispel my sorrow” with “my sorrow” (after considering “woe”) added to make sense of the line.

*Line 3:  秋風 is taken to refer to the season “autumn” and not the “wind” and is rendered as “This windy autumn” rather than “in the autumn wind”. 庭院蘚侵階 is rendered as “on my courtyard steps, mossy lichens encroach”.  I have used both “moss(y)” and “lichens” to translate 蘚 to create a 3-beat end to the line.  For 侵 (invade, occupy), I have decided for “encroach” after considering the use of less appropriate words like “grow”, “erode” and “corrode”.

*Line 4:  一任珠簾 is rendered as “I just leave the beaded blinds in my quarters” with “in my quarters” added which takes one from the outside in line 3 to the inside in this line 4.  There exists another version which has the second character 任 (let, leave) as 行 or 桁 (row) which I have not adopted. 閒不捲 is rendered as “lie idly hung unrolled”.

*Line 5:  終日 (end of day) should be understood as “whole day (and not just today but) every day” and is, therefore, rendered here as “ever” (rather than "all day")without any reference to “day”.  The line 終日誰來 “who will ever come” is a rhetorical question to mean “no one will ever come”.  The truth is: not that no one would come, but that the poet was in solitary confinement and was allowed no visitors.  I had first rendered this line as “Who will ever come? Oh, woe!” with the interjection “Oh, woe!” added to complete the sense of the line and the “ow” end rhyme.  I then revised it to "No one will ever come! O woe!" which conveys the lonely sentiments fully but lacks the rhetorical form.  I have, therefore, further revised the line to "Shall no one ever come? O woe!"

*Line 6:  金 (golden) 鎖 (chain, lock, meshed armour) is translated literally as “golden armour” after rejecting the “chain” and “lock” interpretations of 鎖 and dismissing the other version of the poem which has 金鎖 as金劍 (golden sword).  已 (already) 沈 (sunk) 埋 (buried) is rendered as “Sunken … buried deep low” with “deep low” added for the rhyme.

*Line 7: 壯 (heroic) 氣 (spirit) is rendered simply as “my spirit”.  蒿萊 refers to 2 kinds of weeds and is simply rendered as “weeds”.  The line is rendered as “Smothered, my spirit, by weeds o’ergrown” with “smothered” and “o’ergrown” added to make sense of the line.

*Line 8:  夜涼 is rendered as “On a night so cool”.  天淨 is translated literally as “the sky so clear” after dismissing the alternative version of the word 淨 (clear) as 靜 (silent, quiet).  月 (moon) 華 (radiance, flower) 開 (open) is rendered as “the moon with a blooming halo”.

*Line 9:  想得 is taken to mean 想到 and is rendered as “I think of” rather than “I can see (in my mind’s eye)” which can be misleading.  玉 (jade) 樓 (towers) 瑶 (jade) 殿 (chambers) is rendered as “my towering palace chambers” with the word “palace” used to translate 玉 and 瑶 which are adjectives used to say these are palace buildings.  影 is translated literally as “shadows” with “now mere hollow” added in front of “shadows” to anticipate and amplify the “hollowness, emptiness” of the word 空 (empty, hollow, in vain) in the original line 10.

*Line 10:  照 (shine) is rendered as “shadows,/ Cast” which is required by the context of “the moon casting the shadows of the palace buildings” as presented in lines 8 to 10.  I have added “below” to end the line for the “ow” rhyme.  To keep this line to 4 feet/beats to translate 空照秦淮, I had considered (a) “Cast on the River Qinhuai (or Qinhuai River) below” and (b) “Cast in vain on the river (or Qinhuai) below”.  I have decided against (a) as it fails to translate the word 空 (empty, hollow, in vain) which idea, in my view, pervades and is central to the whole poem.  I have, therefore, decided for (b), and as for the choice between “the river” and “Qinhuai”, I have decided for “the river”, as “Qinhuai” (without qualifying it as a river) may not mean much to the uninitiated and a transliterated translation of it may even be baffling.  The line is, hence, rendered as “Cast in vain on the river below”. 

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 如夢令 Ru Meng Ling -- [*昨夜雨疏 ...] [*Last night the rain ...]

Last month (December 2018), I posted here my rendition of Li Qingzhao's most famous "tune lyric" or "ci" 詞 to the tune of Sheng Sheng Man 聲聲慢 ('Note after Note' Slow Song).  I am quite disappointed that after one whole month, there had only been 98 visits, probably due to the length of both the poem and my notes.  I am grateful to Ray Heaton for his learned comment on my rendition which I will respond to shortly.

Today, I am posting my rendition of another "tune lyric" by this great poetess Li Qingzhao of the (North then South) Song 宋 dynasty.  This lyric is to the tune of Ru Meng Ling 如夢令 (Song of As If Dreaming) which is short with 33 words in 2 stanzas of 23 and 10 words.  I hope this short poem will serve as an appetizer whetting your appetite for the works of Li Qingzhao and proceed to the "Slow Song of Note after Note" posted last month. 

Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): Ru Meng Ling (Song of As If Dreaming) -- Late Spring [*Last night the rain was sparse …]

1   (Last night the rains were sparse, the winds, gusty;)
     Last night the rain was sparse, the wind, gusty; (revised 1.3.19)

2   A deep sleep clears not the wine still remnant in me.

3   I ask of the one who rolls up the blinds, 

4   Who just says: “Flowery as ever --- that begonia tree.”

5   “Know, not? Oh, silly!

6   Know, not? Dear me!

7   (Its reds must have thinned out, its greens, now fleshy.”)
     Her reds must have thinned out, her greens, now fleshy." (revised 9.1.19) 

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)   譯者: 黃宏發

14 December 2018 (revised 16.12.18; 19.12.18; 20.12.18; 9.1.19; 1.3.19)

Translated from the original – 李清照: 如夢令 --   春晚 [*昨夜雨疏風驟]

1   昨夜雨疏風驟

2   濃睡不消殘酒

3   試問捲簾人

4   卻道海棠依舊

5   知否

6   知否

7   應是綠肥紅瘦

Notes:-

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a long-short lined “lyric” or “ci” 詞 to the tune of 寄調 Ru Meng Ling 如夢令 (Song of As If Dreaming) which, strictly, is not a tune (as the music is lost), but a “lyric pattern”.  Here, it is in a single stanza of 33 characters.  This English rendition faithfully follows the same long-short lined lyric pattern, but with a count of feet or beats (not syllables) to determine the length of the lines.  The long-short line-length pattern of the original is: 6-6/5-6/2-2-6//.  In this English rendition, I have shortened the four 6-character lines into 5-beat lines and the one 5-character line into a 4-beat line, keeping the two 2-character lines as 2-beat lines.  The line-length pattern of this English rendition is, thus: 5-5/4-5/2-2-5//.  (Please note I have used, for the line-length pattern here and for the rhyme scheme below, the single slash to represent the end of a sentence and the double slash, the end of the stanza/ poem.)  The original adopts one single rhyme throughout the poem with a rhyme scheme of: AA/xA// AAA//.  Unable to find a single perfect rhyme (as there are far fewer rhyme words in English than Chinese), I have in this rendition used the assonantal rhymes of “i” (unstressed, viz. gusty -1, silly -5, fleshy -7) and “ii” (stressed, viz. me -2, tree -4, me -6).

*Line 1:  Although 疏 can be interpreted to mean 疏放 (unbridled) or 疏狂 (uninhibited), I have decided for the plain meaning of 稀疏 (scanty) so as not to produce a scene of 狂風暴雨 (stormy wind and rain) which, in my view, is not what the poetess wanted to say, hence, my “the rains were sparse, the winds, gusty”.

*Line 2:  濃睡  is rendered as “A deep sleep” after considering “A good sleep” and “Slumbering”.  不消 is rendered as “clears not” after considering “dispels not”.  殘酒 does not mean leftover wine, but refers to the effects of wine remaining in the body, hence, my “the wine still remnant in me”.

*Line 3:  試 (try) 問 (ask) means “politely ask”, and not “try to ask”, hence, my “I ask (=enquire) of …”.  捲簾 is rendered as “who rolls up the blinds”.  Here in 捲簾人 the word 人 does not specify a gender and is, therefore, rendered as “the one” (rather than “the maid” or “the page”).  This opens the possibility of scenarios other than “a woman in her boudoir”, e.g. “a man in his chambers”, “the man rolls up the blinds, the woman asking”, or “the woman rolls up the blinds, the man asking”.

*Line 4:  卻道 which is the reply to the enquiry, is translated literally as “Who just says”.  海棠 is rendered as “begonia tree” after considering “crab apple tree” which sounds less appealing.  依舊 is rendered as “as ever” (after considering “as before” and “as always”), and to this I have added “Flowery” (after considering “Handsome” and “Pretty”) to make sense of “as ever” and to highlight that this reply and the subsequent response to the reply are about flowers or the lack of flowers.

Lines 5 and 6:  知否 is translated literally as “Know, not?” (after considering “Know it, not?”) to mean “Do you know it, or not know it?”.  To lines 5 and 6, I have respectively added “Oh silly!” and “Dear me!” to satisfy the rhyme and the 2-beat line length, and to make the dialogue more conversational.

*Line 7:  For 綠 (green) and 紅 (red), I had originally rendered them as “green leaves” and “red flowers”, then decided for the literal “green” and “red”, and then further decided to render this literal translation in the plural as “greens” and “reds” to make it clearer that they refer to the leaves and flowers.  I have translated 肥 literally as “now fleshy” and 瘦 (thin) as “thinned out”.  In order to complete the “i” and “ii” rhyme, I have reversed the order of the original line to end the poem with the word “fleshy”.  I had considered translating應是 (it should be, the truth is) literally to begin the line, e.g. “The truth is: its reds have thinned out, its greens, now fleshy” which sounds much like lecturing, and have, therefore, decided for the more natural and conversational “Its red must have thinned out, its greens, now fleshy.”

    

李清照 Li Qingzhao: 聲聲慢 Sheng Sheng Man -- [*尋尋覓覓] [*O search, I search and seek, I seek]

Today, I am posting my rendition of 李清照 Li Qingzhao's  詞 "ci" or tune lyric poem 聲聲慢 "Sheng Sheng Man" ('Note After Note' Slow Song), better known by the poem's first line 尋尋覓覓 which I have rendered as "O search, I search, and seek, I seek".

The poem was probably written in her later years after the demise of the Northern Song dynasty, her family's fleeing from the North to South of the Yangzi River, and her husband's untimely death, leaving her all alone with nothing but sorrow and woe.

As the poem is fairly long, and my notes even longer, I will simply invite you to read my rendition and notes and let me have your comments, kind or otherwise.

Li Qingzhao (1084-1151): Sheng Sheng Man (Note after Note) [*O search, I search, and seek, I seek]

1          O search, I search and seek, I seek;

2          Yet cold, so cold, alone, all lonely;

3          O sad, I’m sad and down, I’m down--- O bleak, so bleak!

4          At this a time when the clime, oft sudden, from warm turns chilly,

5          ‘Tis hardest to tend to my poor physique.

6          How could a three-or-twosome bowls or cups of wine

7          Ever withstand the gusty winds that, by evening, upon me wreak?

8          Migrating geese fly past,

9          Aching, breaking my heart;

10       Sweet old friends of mine they were, they now, just squeak.

11        On the ground, yellow chrysanthemum petals pile thick,

12        All weary, worn and waned;

13        By now, O what of flowers are left for me to pick?

14        Watching by the window, alone---

15        O how I wish the hour of darkness: come soon, come quick!

16        (The phoenix tree, drenched now in fine drizzling mizzles,)
        The phoenix tree, drenched now in fine mizzling drizzles, (revised 6.1.19)

17        (‘Tis evening, in tears, dripping:)
       'Tis evening, in tears, a-dripping: (revised 6.1.19) 

17a     (A dot, a dot, and a tick, a tick …)
        A dot, a dot, and a tick, a tick --- (revised 6.1.19)

18        A time, O such as this,

19        How shall the one word ‘sorrow’ suffice, to bare a heart so sick?

Translated by Andrew W.F. Wong (Huang Hongfa)  譯者: 黃宏發

26^th November 2018 (revised 29.11.18; 3.12.18; 5.12.18; 6.1.19)

Translated from the original - 李清照:  聲聲慢 [*尋尋覓覓]

1                尋尋覓覓

2                冷冷清清

3                淒淒慘慘戚戚

4                乍暖還寒時候

5                最難將息

6                三杯两盞淡酒

7                怎敵他晚來風急

8                雁過也

9                正傷心

10            卻是舊時相識

11            滿地黄花堆積

12            憔悴損

13            如今有誰堪摘

14            守着窗兒

15            獨自怎生得黑

16            梧桐更兼細雨

17            到黃昏

17a        點點滴滴

18            這次第

19            怎一個愁字了得

Notes:-

*Form, Metre and Rhyme:  The original is a long-short lined “tune lyric” or “ci” 詞 to the tune of 寄調 Sheng Sheng Man 聲聲慢 which is a “lyric pattern” (as the music is lost) in 2 stanzas or halves with 49 characters in the first half and 48 in the second.  This English rendition strictly follows the same long-short lined lyric pattern but with a count of feet or beats (not syllables) to determine the length of the lines.  The long-short line-length scheme of both the original and this rendition is: 4-4-6/6-4/6-7/3-3-6// 6-3-6/4-6/6-3-4/3-7//.  (Please note I have used, here and for the rhyme scheme below, the single slash “/” to represent the end of one sentence and the double slash “//”, the end of the stanza.)  The original adopts one single rhyme throughout the poem with a rhyme scheme of: AxA/xA/xA/xxA// AxA/xA/xxA/xA//.  Unable to find one single rhyme for the entire poem (as there are far fewer rhyme words in English than Chinese), I have in this rendition used the “-eak” rhyme for the first half and the “-ik” rhyme for the second.  Thus, the second half of the rhyme scheme in this English rendition should be represented as: BxB/xB/xxB/xB//.  You will also wish to note that in the original, the rhyme words are all in the “entering tone” 入聲 the sound of which (here, the ending “-k” sound) has practically disappeared in Putonghua 普通話 but is still very much alive in Cantonese 廣東話.  For example, 覓(line 1) is pronounced “mik” in Cantonese but “mi” in Putonghua, and 戚(line 3), “qik” in Cantonese, has become “qi” in Putonghua.  I am glad I have adopted the “-ik” rhyme for the second half of the poem which happens to be the single rhyme of the whole original poem read in Cantonese.  I am equally happy with the “-eak” rhyme for the first half, which is so close to the “-ik” rhyme.

*Lines 1 to 3:  These 3 lines of the original feature 7 pairs of re-duplicated words (characters) 叠字, and of these, 6 pairs are perfectly re-duplicated in my English rendition, viz. “search-search”, “seek-seek”, “cold-cold”, “sad-sad”, “down-down”, and “bleak-bleak”, with the remaining pair re-duplicated, perhaps less perfectly, in the stressed syllable “lone”, i.e. “alone-lonely”.

*Line 2:  冷冷清清 should be understood as in 冷清清 (empty, deserted, coldly treated, unfrequented), hence, the feeling of coldness and loneliness, not physically cold.  I have therefore rendered the 4 words as “Yet cold, so cold, alone, all lonely”.

*Line 4:  The phrase 乍暖還寒   is usually used to refer to spring, but is used here to refer to autumn which does have short spells of warm weather e.g. the Indian summer in North America and the Autumn Tiger 秋老虎 in China.  I have added “oft sudden” (not in the original) to clarify the nature of this climatic changeability.

*Line 5:  將息 is rendered as “to tend to my poor physique” with “poor” added for clarity.  最難 is translated literally as “hardest” after considering the grammatically correct “hard”.

*Line 6:  I have moved “How could” 怎 from line 7 to line 6 for line length considerations.  I suggest reading “How could” da-dum with “could” stressed.  淡酒 is translated simply as “wine” after considering and discarding the rather wordy “a light/pale wine”.

*Line 7:  怎敵他 is rendered as “How could (moved to line 6) … Ever withstand the (to begin this line 7)”.  Despite the existence of a 曉來 (come dawn) version of the poem, I have decided for 晚來 which is translated literally as “by evening”.  風急 is rendered as “gusty winds … upon me wreak” with “upon me wreak” (not in the original) added to make the poet the target of the winds’ vengeance.

*Lines 8 to 10:  I have decided for “Migrating … fly past” in line 8 and have added “they now, just squeak” (not in the original) to fully convey the poet’s feeling of loneliness to see her old friends, the wild geese, flying away just squeaking without stopping.

*Line 11:  I had considered but have now rejected shortening “chrysanthemum” to “‘santhemum” or “chrysanth”.  I suggest reading “On the ground” with “On” stressed.

*Line 13:  I have decided for “By now, O what of flowers are left for me to pick?” after considering “… are left I care to pick?”

*Line 14:  守着窗兒 is rendered as “Watching by the window” after considering “Watching out of the window”, and I suggest reading it dum-da dum-da dum-da with the word “by” stressed.  I have moved 獨自 “alone” from line 15 up to the end of line 14 to make line 14 a 4-beat line.

*Line 15:  怎生得黑 is understood as “How am I to bear/suffer the long, long wait for the hour of darkness to come?” and is rendered conversely as a wish: “O how I wish the hour of darkness: come soon, come quick!”

*Lines 16 to 18:  In line 16, 梧桐 is properly translated as “The phoenix tree”, 更兼 is rendered as “drenched now in”, and 細雨 elaborated as “fine mizzling drizzles”; followed by 到黃昏 “’Tis evening” in line 17 to which I have added “in tears a-dripping” (not in the original), to pave the way to the onomatopoeia of 點點滴滴 in line 17a which I have rendered as “A dot, a dot, and a tick, a tick ---” after considering “A drop, a drop, and a drip, a drip …” (or “drip drop, drop drip) which I regard as less than ideal despite the assonance of “-ip” and “-ik”

*Line 19:  一個 … 字 is translated literally as “the one word”, and 愁 is rendered as “sorrow” after considering “woe”.  了得 should not be understood as “how outrageous” as in the remark 還了得, nor “outstanding, extraordinary, great” as in 本事了得.  In my view, 得 should be taken to mean “be enough or sufficient or able to”, and 了, to mean “to fully tell or conclude or settle or finish”.  了得, therefore, means “be enough to fully tell” and is rendered as “suffice to bare”.  The whole line 怎一個愁字了得 should, therefore, mean “how can the one word ‘sorrow’ be enough to fully tell of my woefulness” and is rendered as “How shall the one word ‘sorrow’ suffice, to bare a heart so sick?” with “a heart so sick” (not in the original) added to complete the “-ik” rhyme.  I suggest reading “How shall” da-dum with “shall” stressed.