tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post7831383895466365630..comments2024-03-28T15:17:25.159+08:00Comments on Classical Chinese Poems in English: 韋應物 Wei Yingwu: 秋夜寄邱員外 Written on an Autumn Night to Squire QiuAndrew W.F. Wong 黃宏發http://www.blogger.com/profile/13042865467544530221noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-30740738236054705732010-11-22T14:29:24.752+08:002010-11-22T14:29:24.752+08:00hi, andrew,
thanks v much!
i love it.
frankhi, andrew,<br /><br />thanks v much!<br /><br />i love it.<br /><br />frankFrank Yuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17939635563021036391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-41322218168579577102010-11-12T17:42:02.221+08:002010-11-12T17:42:02.221+08:00Dear Frank, Your prosody is that of syllabic vers...Dear Frank, Your prosody is that of syllabic verse with 10 syllables to a line. As a result, you have added "I hear" in your line 3. You can delete "I hear" by simply changing "still mountain" into "the void of the mountain", thus turning your prosody into accentual-syllabic verse and , in this case, iambic (largely) tetrameter (4 feet). May I suggest:-<br />1 I stroll in the cool night of autumn hue,<br /> *dadum/dadadum/dadadum/dadum<br />2 Reciting poems and thinking of you.<br /> *dadum/dadum/dadadum/dadadum<br />3 In the void of the mountain, pine-cones fall,<br /> *dadadum/dadadum/dadum/dadum<br />4 I hope you, too, are not sleepy at all.<br /> *dadum/dadum/dadadum/dadum<br />For your consideration, please.<br />Andrew Wong.Andrew W.F. Wong 黃宏發https://www.blogger.com/profile/13042865467544530221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-25016098447301499182010-11-10T09:59:43.024+08:002010-11-10T09:59:43.024+08:00hi, andrew,
you're simply too kind. thanks!
...hi, andrew,<br /><br />you're simply too kind. thanks!<br /><br />now, my final rendition should be as follows:<br /><br />秋夜寄邱員外 韋應物 <br /><br />1 懷君屬秋夜<br />2 散步詠涼天<br />3 空山松子落<br />4 幽人應未眠<br /><br />An Autumn Night Message to Squire Qiu<br /> Wei Yingwu (739-792)<br />I stroll in the cool night of Autumn hue,<br />Reciting poems and thinking of you.<br />In the still mountain I hear pine-cones fall.<br />I hope, like me, you're not sleepy at all.<br /><br />frankFrank Yuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17939635563021036391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-79404228487061986232010-11-09T16:56:53.455+08:002010-11-09T16:56:53.455+08:00Dear Frank, I think your rendition is simply beau...Dear Frank, I think your rendition is simply beautiful and beautifully simple. I do like it. So don't bother to include hermit/recluse, 幽人 is simply you. I would however suggest you revise your line 4 to read: "I hope you too are not sleepy at all" or "I hope, like me, you're not sleepy at all". Andrew Wong.Andrew W.F. Wong 黃宏發https://www.blogger.com/profile/13042865467544530221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-38610340003831093092010-11-09T10:05:08.534+08:002010-11-09T10:05:08.534+08:00hi, andrew,
on reconsideration, as the poet is wr...hi, andrew,<br /><br />on reconsideration, as the poet is writing to his hermit friend direct, i should like to revise my line 4 as folllows:<br /><br />'And you, m'recluse, shouldn't be sleepy at all.'<br /><br />frankFrank Yuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17939635563021036391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-3581169209568050782010-11-08T16:46:31.798+08:002010-11-08T16:46:31.798+08:00hi, andrew,
line 4 of my rendition above missed t...hi, andrew,<br /><br />line 4 of my rendition above missed the 幽 in 幽人. i would like to revise this as follows:<br /><br />'It seems m'hermit friend isn't sleepy at all.' <br /><br />frankFrank Yuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17939635563021036391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-68152738278106637752010-11-06T14:36:31.079+08:002010-11-06T14:36:31.079+08:00hi, andrew,
thank you for your rendition.
i mus...hi, andrew,<br /><br />thank you for your rendition. <br /><br />i must say i don't understand why you chose to do your lines 2 and 3 as you did: it seems you were somewhat 'stammering' in the process and is this 'round-about description' necessary?<br /><br />may i please post a 'simpler' alternative rendition (in AABB rhyme and syllabic verse) for your comments.<br /><br />An Autumn Night Message to Squire Qiu Wei Yingwu (739-792)<br />I stroll in the cool night of Autumn hue,<br />Reciting poems and thinking of you.<br />In the still mountain I hear pine-cones fall.<br />It seems you, too, are not sleepy at all.<br /><br />frankFrank Yuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17939635563021036391noreply@blogger.com