tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post1306902552273814182..comments2024-03-28T15:17:25.159+08:00Comments on Classical Chinese Poems in English: 劉禹錫 Liu Yuxi: 石頭城/金陵五題 其一 The Stone City /Five Titles on Jinling #1Andrew W.F. Wong 黃宏發http://www.blogger.com/profile/13042865467544530221noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-73901128316404226062018-02-15T11:27:08.132+08:002018-02-15T11:27:08.132+08:00This comment has been removed by the author.TY Lo (Walter)https://www.blogger.com/profile/14579979247262555736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-84898842064630896212018-02-14T23:46:26.237+08:002018-02-14T23:46:26.237+08:00I have a different opinion as to why the choice of...<br /><br />I have a different opinion as to why the choice of the word "environs" is a good one, and that is simply to do with the sibilance established throughout the translation through the repetion of the "s" and occasional soft "c" sounds; the sibilance has three effects for me: it helps tie the whole translation together, it makes me think of the soft sounds of the receding waters as they ebb away, indeed thirdly the sound softens the whole poem making the city sound deserted of people.<br /><br />Ray Heatonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11458153443445711776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-82308384693997485792018-02-14T16:28:34.968+08:002018-02-14T16:28:34.968+08:00To Walter Lo's comments, I have replied as fol...To Walter Lo's comments, I have replied as follows:-<br /><br />Dear Walter, Thank you for sharing your 2 observations on my line 2. (1) On the word "environs", it is more than just technical, architectural, archaeological. It simply means, according to the Shorter Oxford: "the outskirts, the surrounding districts, of a town 1665 (e.g.) 'London and its Environs' Evelyn", and according to the Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged: "the surrounding parts or districts as of a city ... 1655-65". It is Modern English, but the word is certainly not too new. (2) On the word "befalls" which is here used as an intransitive verb, I have used it to simply mean neutrally "to pertain ... to happen" (Shorter Oxford), and "to happen or occur ... syn. ... ensue, betide" (Webster's). The negative connotations of ill fate, associated with "befalls", have strengthened, rather than weakened, the line which depicts the desolate state the once glorious city is now in.<br /><br /> Andrew W.F. Wong 黃宏發https://www.blogger.com/profile/13042865467544530221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-50515263627352860742018-02-14T16:22:40.727+08:002018-02-14T16:22:40.727+08:00Walter Lo has recently commented on my rendition b...Walter Lo has recently commented on my rendition by email. His views are copied below by his kind permission:-<br /><br />I was reading your translation of 石頭城... There is a minor observation, from my perspective, though I am not sure whether you have the same feeling. And it is that I have some reservation over the use of the words “environs” and “befalls” because of the way I perceive their connotations. I am not sure if my perception in this respect is only personal to me or generally so. I am therefore only sharing my perception for your consideration, whether or not it is justified I can’t say ... The word “environs” seems to me to be usually used in write-ups for architectural planning, tourist brochures and archaeological projects. So it has a technical “ring” to it, and therefore I feel it is not so good a word to use in poetry. As for “befalls,” from my understanding, it is usually used to refer to negative or not-so-good things happening, although it might not necessarily be so. Nonetheless, because of my perception, I feel the connotation makes it not a good word to describe the quiet that returns after the tidal waves have ebbed. However, I am afraid I can’t think of any alternative words to suggest.<br /><br /> Andrew W.F. Wong 黃宏發https://www.blogger.com/profile/13042865467544530221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395481176873249475.post-30039318270413762612018-02-14T04:25:50.550+08:002018-02-14T04:25:50.550+08:00Hi Andrew,
I thought you may be interested in an ...Hi Andrew,<br /><br />I thought you may be interested in an interpretation of this poem I made some time ago. Not a true translation by anymeans, but still an attempt to reveal the meaning.<br /><br /><br /><br />Hilltopped, the old city remains.<br /><br /><br />Tide washed.<br /><br /><br />Now waters ebb silently.<br /><br /><br />Of old, the moon rise<br /><br /><br />on Eastern shores, <br /><br /><br />Still crests the empty walls.<br /><br />Ray Heatonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11458153443445711776noreply@blogger.com